Thread: Man flu.

Here i am on the doorstep of death, my bloodshot puppy eyes practically pleading for sympathy and/or a blow job, but getting neither, and so deepening my general malaise.

Another half a pint of runny snot gloops over the back of my hands and onto the keyboard, the precursor to another sneezing fit which has probably already reduced my life expectancy by another ten years.
It can't get much worse Shirley?

The second to last sneeze was a belter.
Nearly got whiplash off the force of my head accelerating forward, a force big enough to propel my spectacles across the tiled floor, the right lens coming to rest in two seperate places, smashed assunder.

As i bent down to retrieve the busted specs, the final sneeze blasted forth, coating the optical device in another half a pint of runny snot.

When the missus gets back from the opticians i'm going to demand to be euthanised under a strong morphine based anaesthetic.

Might I suggest a bottle of gin? Usually works. Tell your missus that it is best administered by strippers as well "farang tradition - you must respect my culture - you think too much dear".

^ Thai tradition says that if the above is discovered, the gin will be inserted rectally, and still in the bottle.

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

Here i am on the doorstep of death, my bloodshot puppy eyes practically pleading for sympathy and/or a blow job

Dont know if I could stoop to a blow job, but some of the best sex ive had was with the ex when she was coughing and sneezing,

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

As i bent down to retrieve the busted specs, the final sneeze blasted forth

I could be over there in an hour or so buddy

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

the gin will be inserted rectally, and still in the bottle.

A win win situation for a shifter like you then.

There really is some depraved bastards on Teakdoor.

Whilst i didn't expect sympathy, i didn't expect to be threatened with a buggering by a bloke in a gimp mask and a snot proof vest, just because he enjoys the contractions of an occupied orifice brought about by coughing and sneezing.

O well, got to go with the flow i suppose.

I'll put the kettle on Dill - see you in an hour.

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

a bloke in a gimp mask and a snot proof vest

and easy down joggers

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

I'll put the kettle on Dill - see you in an hour.

Make that an hour and 10 minutes







great vit c in there for a manflu, I'll save you the rind

man the fukk up and snort a big line of Ajax, that'll clean your pipes.

You have my sympathy , suffering here big time in the UK as we speak

With age comes the ability to multitask

Cough - sneeze - fart - piss yourself ,, the signs are all there

Originally Posted by Dillinger

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

a bloke in a gimp mask and a snot proof vest

and easy down joggers

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

I'll put the kettle on Dill - see you in an hour.

Make that an hour and 10 minutes







great vit c in there for a manflu, I'll save you the rind

Dear fucking god - please tell us your cock has not been in that.

Oh for the love of god - you can see where the orange juice sacks have been crushed and churned up from friction and hitting the base of your shlong.

Thinks. That hole is very very small. JamieJ has something to say about it..

check your repo Pseudo, you'll see the bigger picture

Originally Posted by Kurgen

man the fukk up and snort a big line of Ajax, that'll clean your pipes.

Originally Posted by Dillinger

check your repo Pseudo, you'll see the bigger picture

Thanks for the picture.

However, writing on a satsuma the words "very big grapefruit" does not make it one, and yes it is a very small penis.

Question - does the rubber chafe you? And why was that man cupping your balls?

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

pleading for sympathy and/or a blow job, but getting neither, It can't get much worse Shirley?

Get rid of shirley mate, The bitch isnt helping matters

Originally Posted by nigelandjan

You have my sympathy

Thanks for your sympathetic ear.


Has Dillinger shafted it yet?

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

Originally Posted by nigelandjan

You have my sympathy

Thanks for your sympathetic ear.


Has Dillinger shafted it yet?

He tried, but then had to stop, and is currently trying to find some 2x4 to strap to his arse to stop falling in.

Withnall's got a sniffle.

Oh, great woe! How could such adversity befall thee?

Three words withnall, you poof - pint... of... lau

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Withnall's got a sniffle. Oh, great woe! How could such adversity befall thee?

I have man flu.

The odds of survival are remote.

I bequeath thee my naval fluff collection.

Just make a pitcher of Hot Toddy use plenty of Scotch.
My personal recipe,
2 bottles of good quality scotch
Splash of lemon
1 tsp honey

^ Concur, repeated laboratory tests have shown that alcohol kills germs.
Man the fuck up and get plastered.
Something like BAL 3.5 should do it.

Originally Posted by Sumocakewalk

Cheech and Chong EH.

I seriously thought I would die laughing watching those fukers . Brilliant stuff.

So, just to recap some of the fine sentiments of our great membership.

Originally Posted by pseudolus

Might I suggest a bottle of gin?

Originally Posted by Dillinger

a blow job

Originally Posted by nigelandjan

Cough - sneeze - fart - piss yourself

Originally Posted by pseudolus

tell us your cock has not been in that.

Originally Posted by Kurgen

snort a big line of Ajax

Originally Posted by pseudolus

very big grapefruit

Originally Posted by beerlaodrinker

Get rid of shirley

Originally Posted by somtamslap

pint... of... lau

Originally Posted by klong toey

pitcher of Hot Toddy use plenty of Scotch

Originally Posted by Necron99

get plastered

Cheers chaps.

but seriously.... Dilli has a very small penis.