Thread: Any Mormon wankers on TD?

Can anyone add anything to this list?

10 hilarious Rules of how Mormons overcome masturbation!

Rate: 10 Flag

Well Well! Mormons cannot touch their weennie! Apparently their mothers raised them " If you touch your nookie , there is NO cookie". Masturbation is NOT allowed for Mormon boys (Screweedd!!!! ) How they overcome the urge???!!! Here are 10 hilarious ways of overcoming of horny feelings! ( or not coming on sheets)

1) During your toilet and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being along in total privacy. Take cool brief showers. (Z’s comment—Yeah!! Keep the door open, so other Mormons can watch you & masturbate while looking at you. HOT!!!!)2) Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.(Z’s comment— What the fuck! No comment! This is just ridiculous!)
3) Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding ( Z’s comment—why not put a thick lock on your dick!)
4) It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. Firmly held the subject in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.(Z’s comment— Well physical objects could be used in many ways, especially when someone is horny! You know what I mean!. Bad advise!)
5) In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. ( Z’s comment—And also tie your dick to your neck with a rope! This rule must apply to moron who is into leather)
6) When you bath, do not admire yourself in a mirror. ( Z’s comment—Yeah! When you see yourself at mirror, just spit on it & insult yourself!!! )
7) When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell stop to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen scripture. (Z’s comments—Wouldn’t be better yelling during orgasm instead? Imagine yelling a Mormon boy " I JUST WANNA EJACULATE" Oh my my! )
9) Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self-control color that day black. Your goal will be to have no black days.(Z's comments—I laughed hard to this one. Mormon’s masturbation diary! Can’t wait to read to full of black pages! " Dear diary! I touched myself today! Bleep!")
10) If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. (Z's comments—Surprise! Surprise! Everyone masturbates! You will be very lonely! Nobody wants be lonely! Just let it go & spank the monkey! )
SWEAR TO GOD! All the rules are real! I didn't make those up! You can google it you will see they are on mormon's web sites. How bizarre!! Obviously Mormons say NO on masturbation & YES on prop 8, so these people decided for our marriage! I DON'T GET IT!!!!!!!

10 hilarious Rules of how Mormons overcome masturbation! - Z BITCH - Open Salon

Jack Mormons included?

Hand up, i am a dyslexic moron.

whack jobs.

The only religion worth following is satanism. You get to do all the shit you want to do, and then when you die, contrary to popular religious shit, the devil is hardly going to punish you for following his orders all your life! No - you'll be one of his boys! You'll stroll in, be assigned your hookers, booze fridge and never ending cash, and off you go to revel in purgatory.

I'd like a quotient of mormons & muslims, so they could both argue how right they are. Thats what the doghouse is for.

Originally Posted by pseudolus

The only religion worth following is satanism. You get to do all the shit you want to do, and then when you die, contrary to popular religious shit, the devil is hardly going to punish you for following his orders all your life! No - you'll be one of his boys! You'll stroll in, be assigned your hookers, booze fridge and never ending cash, and off you go to revel in purgatory.

... or you end up as Satan's bitch:

Originally Posted by Pragmatic

5) In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken.

Been there, broke the tie.

I can't read the op because of the stupid colors.
But yeah keep an eye on the Mormon scene. Especially the fringe fundamental action, these folks are very scary.

Do read the Krakauer book: Under the banner of heaven.
Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith - Jon Krakauer - Google

We are talking scary motherfuckers!

The Osmonds are a decent lot......

I'll stick to #8

I don't trust anyone who has to wear magic underwear!

Once met a girl who was an Ostrich Wannker in soutyAfrika .

Apparently assisted sperm donation pays well,I think she was getting a skills upgrade from the under the tabel at NudehoggsThermae BJ parlour 3 minutes complete satisfuxion or your barfine refunded

Originally Posted by david44

Once met a girl who was an Ostrich Wannker in soutyAfrika .

Apparently assisted sperm donation pays well,I think she was getting a skills upgrade from the under the tabel at NudehoggsThermae BJ parlour 3 minutes complete satisfuxion or your barfine refunded

Nice work if you can get it!

The hard part is catching them first!

Originally Posted by pseudolus

and off you go to revel in purgatory

Purgatory doesn't work like that, it's more like being in detention while you wait to see if you're going upstairs or downstairs.

A Mormon has to give 10% of their earnings to the church.
The Church offers them this guidance, that's value for money.

PeeWee Robertson's a mormon. Does he still post? What nic does he use now?

Having gone to college in Salt Lake City and also owning a bar in Park City, Utah, I know enough about the Mormon religion to know it is completely wrong. The only thing I agreed with was having more than one wife in the old days.

Originally Posted by rickschoppers

Having gone to college in Salt Lake City and also owning a bar in Park City, Utah, I know enough about the Mormon religion to know it is completely wrong. The only thing I agreed with was having more than one wife in the old days.

t
They knocked on My door one day, two shiny Mormon missionaries , Females, then made a return visit with , guess what, if you know religion you know what is coming next , a free gift " Book of Mormon " Free I said, once converted you take 10% of My income, how is that free.
Oh and ye they came with two Dudes. ( Bouncers with dark suits and black id badges )

Of course every Mormon must go on a year long "mission" to try and convert as many others to their religion as possible. I chuckle when I see them riding their bikes in Thailand and seriously doubt they will convert any of the Buddhist to be a Mormon.

They are a very wealthy religion as well due to the tithing paid by all of the Mormons. About $7 BILLION a year and I do not know where that comes in as being the worlds richest corporation.

Originally Posted by Rupert Wanger

PeeWee Robertson's a mormon. Does he still post? What nic does he use now?

That explains a lot. Mormonism is a religion for the violently self obsessed. A true narcissists faith. They ardently believe they are little gods who know it all.

Peewee's still locked up in the dog house btw.

Originally Posted by Pragmatic

Any Mormon wankers on TD?

Why would I want to wank a Mormon?...

Be a Mormon missionary, all expenses paid Gap year in an exotic location in a foreign land.
These Mormon Americans no longer walk My streets, they have disappeared, replaced by non American dark Mormons.
Has the world become that dangerous?

Originally Posted by wasabi

Be a Mormon missionary, all expenses paid Gap year in an exotic location in a foreign land.
These Mormon Americans no longer walk My streets, they have disappeared, replaced by non American dark Mormons.
Has the world become that dangerous?

Actually you gotta pay your own way to play missionary.

Originally Posted by BaitongBoy

Why would I want to wank a Mormon?...

Cus they're not allowed to wank themselves. I don't know if getting someone to do it for them is concidered as having sex? I bet Mormons blow their load within 5 seconds on their wedding night.

A Mormon I know went to Hong Kong as a missionary. He met a beautiful girl there and made her his special case to convert. Instead, she converted him. They lived happily ever after.