Thread: How efficient are your security guards?

A useless bunch of short arsed gupta bastard tosspots I have here. I started realising how useless they were a few months ago now, when my bike got nicked outside my front door. Other things they are useless at is letting taxis onto the premises or if I'm in a taxi they just stand there waiting for me to get out and shout open the fukkin barrier instead of walking up to the car window.

There are 2 entrances to get in here, but they close the back gate at 12pm and it's a good walk all the way round, so a lot of the time I will squeeze through a gap between the back guard house and fence, then look in the guard house and see the useless fucker sound asleep.

A week or so ago I was stopped on my scooter for riding through the pedestrian zone and the guy introduced himself as the chief security officer and he asked my name and flat number, where he was duly informed to get to fock and who I suspected of nicking my bike.

The icing on the cake was this morning, they wouldnt let the aircon guy into the block because it's a Sunday, so I went down there and told them what I thought of them and that I paid their wages. They didn't like that

Ten minutes later I had to go back down and let the aircon guy's boss in, who had the chemicals, the one security guy had a big stick this time, so I didnt rant directly to them just let them overhear me calling them a bunch of useless wankers to the aircon bloke.

Another problem ive had are them perving at the Missus in the pool and i had to tell them to go and bollox for trying to tell the Missus who isnt a Muslim to cover up.


aaah, That's better, rant over

PS If i stop posting all of a sudden, i'll have probably been bludgeoned by six little Indians

And stop your stuff getting nicked and possibly being bludgeoned to death late on a saturday night....

oh nearly forgot, the fat woman. there's a side gate here that she sits on a bench next to, watching who comes in and out. Every time i see her, she's stuffing her face. The other day there's a chain and padlock on the gate, so I ask her to open it, she then tells me the electronic lock is broke on the gate so anyone can get in and thats why theyve put a padlock on it. I asked her if she could open the padlock but she answers they have the key at the front gate, then continues shoveling char kway teow down her gullit

Originally Posted by Dillinger

and that I paid their wages.

how much does one guard get per month ? 100 USD ?

Originally Posted by Dillinger

and who I suspected of nicking my bike

the odds would be it was a security guard

Originally Posted by Necron99

And stop your stuff getting nicked and possibly being bludgeoned to death late on a saturday night....

hmmmmm. fock em... I wont be jumping over the fence again though

Here ? Useless. In my old moo bahn inBKK we had a load of Cambo's, half of them hot girls. They were great.

FP has some very efficient guards ...........................

https://teakdoor.com/the-teakdoor-lou...ty-guards.html

The number of guys I have known who are mystified as to how their girlfriends discovered they had brought another girl back when they weren't around.

...as if somehow the security guards would keep it a secret that a farang was cheating on his Thai girlfriend.

Originally Posted by baldrick

how much does one guard get per month ? 100 USD ?

i think around 400$

Originally Posted by baldrick

the odds would be it was a security guard

odds on i reckon

Originally Posted by Dillinger

oh nearly forgot, the fat woman. there's a side gate here that she sits on a bench next to, watching who comes in and out. Every time i see her, she's stuffing her face. The other day there's a chain and padlock on the gate, so I ask her to open it, she then tells me the electronic lock is broke on the gate so anyone can get in and thats why theyve put a padlock on it. I asked her if she could open the padlock but she answers they have the key at the front gate, then continues shoveling char kway teow down her gullit

Sack the bitch and put a notice on the gate.
I hate civilians who get a uniform and a whistle and think they are god.

Originally Posted by Mid

FP has some very efficient guards

forgot about that thread

Originally Posted by chassamui

I hate civilians who get a uniform and a whistle and think they are god.

even worse when they're 5 foot 2 and telling you theyre 'The chief security officer'. I'm off for a few beers now, I may apologise on my way out or terrorise them on my way back

good thread,

they are useful actually, it keep them employed instead of being in the streets and robbing people

the badges say security but they just open the gates for cars.. they only take id from the cars that slow down/stop. keep driving towards the gate and they open it automatically..

sometimes they're so busy saluting the car that they forget to press the button for the gate... i love that..

Originally Posted by Butterfly

they are useful actually, it keep them employed instead of being in the streets and robbing people

Allowing them to steal motorbikes from the people they are paid to protect

Wasn't there some lunatic going around a couple of years ago killing them in their sleep?
That'd keep them on their toes. (you'd think).

Pathetic....
Some life form.

a teacher i knew in Bangkok had to save to buy a motor-bike.
happy as larry when he eventually got it
rode it back to his apartment block and parked it outside
asking the security guy if it was ok
while he went to get a chain and padlock from his room.
came down later and the bike was gone.
he never did see it again.

Originally Posted by armstrong

sometimes they're so busy saluting the car that they forget to press the button for the gate... i love that..

They can't be doing 2 things at once. Like thinking about food while a stranger walks past with a safe on their shoulder. Thoughts of a particularly spicy Som Tam will win every time

My lot aren't too bad. Even the one who did time for rape...

Extremely efficient. i have never seen them.

Mine were quite efficient, really. There was one, young bloke, soccer player, who nicked my car and got all of about 400m before losing control, spinning the bastard, wiping out a brand new Honda CRV, writing off my car and splitting his head open in the process.

I preferred the nice young lady who had recently tripped and broke her ankle, so we told her to just keep the damn gates open.