Is there ever an ideal time for fatherhood?

**The Gentleman Scamp** · 01-04-2007, 04:35 AM

This started out as a reply for 'Condom Testers' but since that topic has been derailed, tumbled down the embankment and exploded in the wake of my pregnancy test photo, I saw it fit to start a topic on the subject of fatherhood.

Test was actually negative but she's a whopping fifteen days late so maybe I'm firing blanks or she's got 'womb bouncers'.

Anyway you fuckers, I'm 33 years old in June - why so many negative comments? I met a guy the other week who had his two kids at 18 and said it was the best thing he ever did because he goes to the pub with his son and daughter and has a right laugh.

In contrast I can count at least four people I know who are into their 40's and have never had children and say it is by far the biggest regret they have ever had.

If you have kids in your mid twenties you sacrifice half your adulthood but are rewarded by being a young and hip enough dad to go on the piss with your offspring, but if you have kids in your mid 40's you've enjoyed many years of partying and if you do have kids your gonna be in no shape to play football with them when your bald, beer bellied and burnt out, so what's the big deal?

I was acidentally concieved in the back of an orange Fiat van in a car park near Sandown beach in the Isle Of Wight when my (at the time) 40yr old dad and slightly younger mum were dating. They were never married, both alcoholics and split up, yet stayed mates. Fair enough I was placed into foster care age 2 but I'm not that messed up compared to some.

Granted, there is always the risk things could turn very sour with Sandra (or anyone) and a woman has the power to take a child away from his dad, but life is full of risks. Those who want to play it safe never fucking leave the countries they were born in, they stay in their 9-5 job, get a labrador (if they can afford it), a mortgage, Argos catalogue furniture and all the other conventional safeguards our society has ignorantly accepted as the norm.

I've never been conventional but that doesn't mean I'm wrong, and one thing's for sure - I've got a lot of love to give and I'm not bitter or vengeful about recieving so little in my almost 33 years so would I really be better off remaining unfocused and drifting through life screwing around drunk and un-protected with far less decent women?

She may not be my type of women but I could start another topic telling you where my type of woman has got me in the past.
Ok, It's taken a while with her but we're getting there, and [as a working girl] she's even MORE unfriendly than she was when I met her - which is saying something. Last night she was outside her workplace (she rarely goes in as she doesn't like the cigerette smoke) and a handsome, rich, spoiled c**t in his twenties touched her up and she said she wasn't interested, to which he dragged her by the hair to his Maserati and told her if she wasn't up for doing her job she should go back to fucking Thailand (he doesn't know a Flippo from a Thai as he doesn't know dis from respect) anyway, fortunately I wasn't nearby or I would be in jail now. As with most nights she has been out to 'work' she just really wanted to hang out with her mates and find a nice, mature, sober customer but ended up tired and round here - she's made so little money this month she actually asked me for some for the first time since we met in December so I gave her 500 HKD. Some of you may say I'm a mug to which I may say fuck you, in four months the most money I've spent on her has been on phone calls and before yesterday all she'd ever asked me for is Haagen Daz.

As I type It's 6am and I can't sleep and she's off work cause she bust her foot and is at the 'girl house' in Kennedy Town and she can't sleep either - maybe because her mum wants us to join her at church in a few hours.

Back to the point before I derail my own fucking topic, I'd be a great dad and if Sandra can learn to suck me off as good as that African bird I was shagging last year then I'll be a great husband too.

**peterpan** · 01-04-2007, 06:21 AM

Each to his own Scampy, My youngest brother had his first son when he was 15, later married the bird and is still happily married to the same women nearly 40 later. It worked for him.
Whereas I had my first offspring when I was 53, I have never been happier, I adore my girls.
An early Father hood wouldn't have worked for me as I was a selfish bastard, spending all my spare time sailing and motor racing. I would have resented giving time to kids then, now I have all the time in the world for them.

**stroller** · 01-04-2007, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp

Ok, It's taken a while with her but we're getting there,...

Where?

Getting her pregnant, marry and settle down in San Fernando?

You could make a living selling time-shares in nearby Angeles.

**Wallace** · 01-04-2007, 09:37 AM

I think it's more to do with the type of person you are, than how old you are. I think mid to late '30s is probably better in terms of health, having had a bit of a life, and still having something left when the kids are older.

Anyway, "if Sandra can learn to suck me off as good as that African bird I was shagging last year", is probably why you're not a dad yet. I think you're aiming at the wrong hole.

**The Gentleman Scamp** · 01-04-2007, 09:59 AM

Originally Posted by peterpan

Each to his own Scampy, My youngest brother had his first son when he was 15, later married the bird and is still happily married to the same women nearly 40 later. It worked for him.
Whereas I had my first offspring when I was 53, I have never been happier, I adore my girls.
An early Father hood wouldn't have worked for me as I was a selfish bastard, spending all my spare time sailing and motor racing. I would have resented giving time to kids then, now I have all the time in the world for them.

You're right, each to his own and I feel I am ready for fatherhood though more than I feel ready to grow roots which is a concern but I certainly don't mind having a base so long as I don't feel trapped. Sandra is one of those natural mothers that has said she would have no problem being alone for the rest of her life, a baby would be enough*.

Having a child is something I believe everyone should experience as that is the main reason why we're here - to reproduce and it is why sex is made to feel so damned good and addictive because if it was painful or nauseation our species would probably die out.

So, Peterpan - forgive me for saying that when you're girls are 20 you'll be 73, however - it is most likely that you will leave this earth a happy and contented man which is more happy and contented than somebody leaving this earth with no heir whatsoever, illigitimate or not.

That said, if in my case it is just a very late freak menstration then I shall not try again deliberatly, see how things go with her and maybe try in a year or so.

I am selfish because I have been free for so long and I think most of us are selfish and have mistresses or fuck around because we can. It shows a lack of respect in some cases but in it's defence, Asia does allow the human to live in more of a natural environment where the west tries to hide behind this facade founded on Christianity and thriving on a plastic, materialistic and litigious lifestyle.

Bringing a child into the world as it is is selfish whichever way you look at it.

*I'm sufficiantly Asiasavvy to realize this is more than likely just a 'test' much in the same way that some Asian girls say they don't mind if you fuck around so long as you're careful.

**mrsquirrel** · 01-04-2007, 02:18 PM

I ain't reliable enough or mentally stable enough to have kids. I worry about really strange little things which drive me to distraction. I couldn't have something as important as a child simply because I would end up a nervous wreck.

I know the missus is getting on a bit and she accepts that I don't want kids but I know that she would still like them. Sometimes I do wonder if it would be the right thing to do to let her have a child (any child really even one out of somebody else's shopping trolley).

I just don't know. I know at this point in my life I think it's a bad idea. How can a bum like me support a sprog.

If you are serious about this girl scampy show her a bit of respect and don't make comments about her blowjob abilities etc. You don't like men touching her up but it's ok to verbally touch her up on here?

Q

**Wally Dorian Raffles** · 01-04-2007, 02:30 PM

^maybe having a sprog is just what you need Q .......we've all heard stories about kids changing the lives of their parents ......only one way your going to find out..

**friscofrankie** · 01-04-2007, 02:49 PM

I doubt if anyone is every "ready" for fatherhood. Some think they are, some think not. Finances may play a role in your choice, but rarely in your ability to be a good father. I had mine at 29 & 31, still young enough to enjoy them now, was old enough to have sown a few wild oats before. being a parent is one of the toughest things you'll every do. When it happens you do what you do. most folks adapt. some don't.

**obsidian** · 01-04-2007, 02:55 PM

no. there is no ideal time for fatherhood.

**NickA** · 01-04-2007, 02:57 PM

Originally Posted by friscofrankie

I doubt if anyone is every "ready" for fatherhood.

Most people are probably prepared for fatherhood by the time they've already had 2 kids, by which time they don't want to have anymore

**William** · 01-04-2007, 05:39 PM

Finance has always played a huge role in my life.

I love my family, but I've always known that I could never rely on them to help out with paying for the nappies, etc. It's the one thing that drives all round me nuts (those that love me that is), me saying "not sure I can afford that".

But I have lived most of my life in the knowledge that I cannot rely on anyone else. If the shit hits the fan, me, and only me, can get a way out of it. This has made me a very negative person - I simply don't trust anyone elese. Good friends - yes, love them. Lovely family - yes, love them. Trust - no.

I'm probably in the best financial state I've been in my life. Yet I still sit here saying "I'm not ready for kids".

And at the end of the day, I know it is because I don't want my kids to struggle the way I have. I'm not saying I'll give it them on a plate - assuming I have any - but I don't want them having the pain I've had.

Not that I blame my oldies, they did the best they could. Just not what I want for mine.

And, more importantly for me, I know that if I had kids in Thailand, their earning power won't be the same as mine. So I must build something for them.

Sounds stupid I know

**friscofrankie** · 01-04-2007, 07:15 PM

Originally Posted by William

Sounds stupid I know

More like an excuse, I think.
There are always reason why we shouldn't have kids. Not one day goes by that you can't find some reason or other. The responsibility for another human life is great.

Originally Posted by William

I know it is because I don't want my kids to struggle the way I have

Life is tough we want our kids to have less so but then do we really want to raise kids that aren't ready for the harsh realities of living? Toughest thing about being a parent is letting your kids make their own mistakes, and suffer the consequences. Most successful and well adjusted people I met came from large poor(ish) families. Everyone of 'em, almost to a person, said the very same thing you did though.

**The Gentleman Scamp** · 01-04-2007, 07:20 PM

Originally Posted by mrsquirrel

If you are serious about this girl scampy show her a bit of respect and don't make comments about her blowjob abilities etc. You don't like men touching her up but it's ok to verbally touch her up on here?

Q

You are right, I don't know why I sometimes feel the need to end a sensible bit of dialogue with something silly, like I need to entertain or make light of the situation.

**stroller** · 01-04-2007, 07:28 PM

You seem to think having a Filipina hoe as a girlfriend and getting her pregnant is just another amuzing episode in this stand-up comedy called "life".

**friscofrankie** · 01-04-2007, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by stroller

You seem to think having a Filipina hoe as a girlfriend and getting her pregnant is just another amuzing episode in this stand-up comedy called "life".

It's not????

**dirtydog** · 01-04-2007, 10:19 PM

Given the choice it's probably best not to have kids, they are great from about 4 to 11, although damn expensive, you got to pay for their schooling till they are 20 odd years old, then it really aint worth them getting a job here as the salaries are too low anyway, so your gonna end up just giving them an allowance, that aint noway to bring up a kid, although I aint having my son wasting his life in some poxy 10k baht or less per month job, got to admit I have been toying with the idea of moving to Malaysia for a few years so my son can finish his education there.

**blackgang** · 01-04-2007, 11:37 PM

Well hell I will throw in on this one.
I sure wasn't ready to settle down when my GF who was 17, same as I, got knocked up, we were married and I tried the stay home and be a husband/father for a couple of years, then I started working away from home but got back often enough to knock her up again every 2 years, has 3 kids.
They grew up with educations available but none went to collage and were good skilled workers when they grew up, but they were dopers, Girl and 2 Boys, girl is a brain damaged doper and the boys are dead,
I did miss seeing them grow and they knew me but we were never close and the only time I was ever around them was when we were on the same job if I got a good paying job in the states, Both boys worked for me for 6 months when Mt. St. Helens blew up and I ran a dredge repair welding crew .
Plus I drank to damn much to stay home and be around kids and be part of a family, so I did miss some good enjoyable times and memory's.

My last kid is a girl that my Mex Xwife has in the states, she was born while I was retired and living in Mexico and 62 years old.
I left her mother when she was a little baby as her mother never paid her no attention and didn't want her in the first place[she wanted an abortion and I said no I would raise the kid] and I didn't want to stay in Mexico so brought her to the states when she was 6 months old and raised her by myself til she was 6 and then lost custody, I won't go into that long story, but I did really enjoy being with her and watching her grow up and being retired we did everything together,
I would be under a car doing something and she was right there with me, I was on the roof doing some repair with my landlord and his wife [who by the way was my first wife] was watching my kid and she came up the ladder onto the roof and she was only 15 months old.
I restored 2 and built 1 street rod with her help, and I do remember every minute of her life up to the point where I had to give her to her Mexican mother, along with the reason that she wanted the kid,, $700 a month child support..
So for me, I would say Later is greater..Time to really enjoy them.

sorry to be so long, but it covers 45 years or so.

**stroller** · 01-04-2007, 11:37 PM

so your gonna end up just giving them an allowance

It's all relative - our daughter just got her first job after finishing college, starting wage 11.000, proud as could be!

Now, of course this is not enough to enable ol' stroller to retire on what she'd hand over, as good daughters do.
She'll have to find something better soon.

**The Gentleman Scamp** · 02-04-2007, 01:12 AM

So the consensus so far among TD dads is "No regrets" or "No rugrats"?

**friscofrankie** · 02-04-2007, 02:38 AM

Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp

So the consensus so far among TD dads is "No regrets" or "No rugrats"?

Yes

**Bobk_nyc** · 02-04-2007, 07:09 AM

^amen

**kingwilly** · 02-04-2007, 07:37 AM

best thing i eva did......

**peterpan** · 02-04-2007, 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by blackgang

Well hell I will throw in on this one.
I sure wasn't ready to settle down when my GF who was 17, same as I, got knocked up, we were married and I tried the stay home and be a husband/father for a couple of years, then I started working away from home but got back often enough to knock her up again every 2 years, has 3 kids.
They grew up with educations available but none went to collage and were good skilled workers when they grew up, but they were dopers, Girl and 2 Boys, girl is a brain damaged doper and the boys are dead,

This is the best case for the argument that some people should NEVER have kids.

**The Gentleman Scamp** · 02-04-2007, 11:05 AM

She just came on after being EIGHTEEN days late.

Last time she was a week late but before she met me she was always bang on time. Why is this? is there some kind of nursing or health forum I can ask on because it's a bit optomistic to expect a prper reply here - no offence but I doub't any of you are doctors, however if you can hazard a viable reason I would like to hear it.

It may be because she started taking the pill and then stopped because it didn't agree with her.

**Lily** · 02-04-2007, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp

It may be because she started taking the pill and then stopped because it didn't agree with her.

That is probably why. How long was she taking the pill?

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