Thread: The 6 Strangest Objects People Were Caught Having Sex With

Originally Posted by Latindancer

#4.
A Bicycle A man from southwest Scotland apparently decided, while looking at his bike, that he wanted to ride it all night long, and in ways that would make Lance Armstrong weep tears of pure terror. This, presumably, was not a problem for anyone until the night that two cleaning ladies for a local hostel walked in on a sight far more horrifying than anything Eli Roth could come up with: The 51-year-old Scottish man, with trou fully dropped, was "riding" a bike in a way that God never intended. It has 10 speeds, all of them are sexy as hell. Oh, and did we mention that he stopped, knowing he was caught in one of the most awkward situations ever, acknowledged the cleaners in the room, and then continued gettin' it on? Whether that is dedication, determination or retardation, it was probably backed with the thoughts and hopes that today would be the day he would get lucky and finally have that M-F-F-Bike orgy he always longed for. It didn't take long for them to call the cops, who booked his ass on charges of sexual breach of the peace, which we assume is Europe-speak for making everyone at the station say "What the Fuck?" and "Holy shit eww!" He ended up pulling a page out of the celebrity "I fucked up big time" book and chalked it up to alcohol instead of that funny feeling he got in his pants when he saw a tricycle when he was a child. In fairness, this bike is totally asking for it. The man's little Tour de France got him three years probation and placement on the sex offenders list, presumably with the note "fucked bike" next to it. We would also like to take this opportunity to point out how England is dominating this list. Kind of adds a whole new layer to that Telegraph headline from earlier. "Extra! Extra! It's an American fucking an inanimate object this time!"

Now why on earth did the name 'Glitterman' pop into my head when I read this?