Thread: Boredom, availability lead to 2nd wives: survey

The mistress/minor wife thing exists in most cultures to varying degrees depending on the gap between rich and poor. A bloke can only afford so many wives.

But its a thing that traditionally is handled with discretion and not talked about openly in monogamous cultures. All the same, everyone knows it exists, especially in Asia. It all comes back to the losing face thing. So long as wify number one gets unlimited access to hubbys loot and is never embarrassed by hubbies extramarital excursions there is no problem with it. Effectively it doesnt exist if there is no confrontation and it doesnt cause any adverse consequences for either party.

Western culture tends to judge these things on a fundamental set of moral/social values. Asian culture tends to judge these things more on the consequences for the individual.
Thai women can be among the most jealous and possessive of any culture, yet if their mans activities have no consequences for them, they really dont want to know about it.

Being the 'kept woman' type of mia noi- as opposed to the more public 'second wife' version isn't a bad life in Isaan really. We've got a couple in the village. Obviously they've got to be ready, willing and able when the Wallet wants a shag, but apart from that they live a pretty ez life, decent house, some money in pocket, bugger all else to do.

A bit of a variation on the Mia Noi theme is the "sponsorship" of university girls by wealthy sugar daddys. Sometimes it can mean the girl moves in with the (single) sugar daddy and acts the role of wife and housekeeper. And sometimes it can mean a temporary mia noi relationship (for a married man) while the girl needs money to get through her education.

The daughter of family friends moved in with a much older sponsor to fund her education and I was very surprised at how casually all the Thais (including her parents) accepted it. Their justification was that she was free to leave any time she wanted. Actually, she did leave eventually with out finishing university and is back on the beach helping her mum with the beach chair business as well as hawking her fork part time to the farang tourists.

Sounds like a pretty good deal for the older male sponsors.

When I visited Peru I heard of a similar deal. A (relatitively) rich American hiring young peasant girls as live in "housekeepers" after doing the financial deal with the parents. Then changing them when he tired of them.
The kind of sexual exploitation you get when a country has a huge gulf between the rich and the poor. And the main reason why prostitution in all its various forms is so rife in a country like Thailand.

Having had to sack a couple of Thai (male) workers before; the whole "mia noi" thing seems to be a total cultural dysfunction Thai-style: Fights happening at work; mia nois / wives jamming up the phone lines with abusive and threatening calls; the guys sleeping rough after being turfed out of the house; not turning up to work, etc etc.
Seems to be a full-time occupation in itself; keeping the wives apart just for a misguided boost to a fragile childlike ego.

Sounds like all the soap opras I see on TV, but probably not too far off from what is seen in every country in the world. Just a different channel.

Originally Posted by kmart

Having had to sack a couple of Thai (male) workers before; the whole "mia noi" thing seems to be a total cultural dysfunction Thai-style: Fights happening at work; mia nois / wives jamming up the phone lines with abusive and threatening calls; the guys sleeping rough after being turfed out of the house; not turning up to work, etc etc.
Seems to be a full-time occupation in itself; keeping the wives apart just for a misguided boost to a fragile childlike ego.

My Thai son in law tried for a mia noi but made the fatal mistake of telling his wife about it. Big shit fight ensued. He was lucky to get out of it with his life, let alone retaining his family.
You'd think him being Thai he would know better. Thai etiquette demands that no one ever gets embarrassed or confronted. He has carried on relationships with hookers from various karaoke bars for years without a hitch simply by being discreet and lying and denying when questioned by his wife. She was never embarrassed or lost face in her circle of friends by virtue of his secrecy and covert discretion with the whores. Though she knew what was going on. Most Thai wives know their husbands are unfaithful at some time or another. Its just the Thai way and all Thais know it. A constant game of cat and mouse that can continue quite amiably forever so long as no one loses face by being confronted by it. Basically, it means that in Thai culture cheating is OK so long as no one finds out. Lying to avoid conflict is also a fundamental part of Thai culture. So the two things fit together perfectly.

What you end up with is a society where no one really trusts anyone else and absurd lies are the expected norm. A society where it is social etiquette to keep things bottled up and keep the peace until confronted with a loss of face. Then its considered normal to go completely berserk! Its a fcuked up way of doing things, but its the Thai way, not just re infidelity, but in just about everything that involves interaction with others.

^^ Very good and accurate post Panda.

Originally Posted by sabang

^^ Very good and accurate post Panda.

Why thank you Sabang.
I been married to a Thai for 15 years now and it took me 10 years to figure it all out. Though I do realize that not every ones experiences may be the same, I reckon that my interpretation of Thai culture is pretty close to the mark in general terms.
And I do realize that not everyone will agree with me. So your concurrence of thought is reassuring.

Financing mai nois has to be a major contributor to corruption in the thai government. The one near us must have cost over 5 million to set up, based on the house and car alone, then their the ongoing maintenance costs....

Its going to be relatively easy for a businessman to find this money without the wife twigging. The wife might be prepared to look the other way if her nose is not rubbed in it; but she isn't going to tolerate a reduced standard of living. How are politicians, employees or civil servants going to find this money without the wife feeling the cost? theft and corruption seem the easiest answers.

Personally if an employee got a mai noi and they were in a position to steal from me the first thing I would do if find out if thats what they have done to pay the up front costs and even if they hadn't I would give serious consideration to getting rid of them unless its was obvious they could easily pay for maintaining both families on their salaries.

Originally Posted by hazz

Financing mai nois has to be a major contributor to corruption in the thai government. The one near us must have cost over 5 million to set up, based on the house and car alone, then their the ongoing maintenance costs....

Its going to be relatively easy for a businessman to find this money without the wife twigging. The wife might be prepared to look the other way if her nose is not rubbed in it; but she isn't going to tolerate a reduced standard of living. How are politicians, employees or civil servants going to find this money without the wife feeling the cost? theft and corruption seem the easiest answers.

Personally if an employee got a mai noi and they were in a position to steal from me the first thing I would do if find out if thats what they have done to pay the up front costs and even if they hadn't I would give serious consideration to getting rid of them unless its was obvious they could easily pay for maintaining both families on their salaries.

People steal money to buy drugs, cars, houses etc.. as well as sex. Mia nois are probably around last on the list of desirable assets for the crooks with so many hookers in Thailand. Its something that a Thai bloke would do when he feels comfortable and financially set up rather than a first option.

Originally Posted by Panda

People steal money to buy drugs, cars, houses etc.. as well as sex. Mia nois are probably around last on the list of desirable assets for the crooks with so many hookers in Thailand. Its something that a Thai bloke would do when he feels comfortable and financially set up rather than a first option.

You are right, but I wasn't really thinking of criminals, although I did mention politicians.

I was thinking of relatively honest and straight individuals who succumb to temptation under the financial pressures of setting up/maintaining a mai noi, whilst keeping the wife in the standard of living she expects. Iv'e seen a few people go down this road, seems to be a male menopause thing, they were all in their late 40's 50's

Originally Posted by hazz

Originally Posted by Panda

People steal money to buy drugs, cars, houses etc.. as well as sex. Mia nois are probably around last on the list of desirable assets for the crooks with so many hookers in Thailand. Its something that a Thai bloke would do when he feels comfortable and financially set up rather than a first option.

You are right, but I wasn't really thinking of criminals, although I did mention politicians.

I was thinking of relatively honest and straight individuals who succumb to temptation under the financial pressures of setting up/maintaining a mai noi, whilst keeping the wife in the standard of living she expects. Iv'e seen a few people go down this road, seems to be a male menopause thing, they were all in their late 40's 50's

I see your point there. Those are obviously the failed ones who cant finance thier sexual ambitions though. What you dont hear about is the fellows who can finance it and keep a mia noi on the side without upsetting the wife. In a place like Thailand where the division of wealth is so wide, its much easier for a wealthy man to have a bit on the side without depriving the wife. Where problems are likely to occur is when you go down the financial scale and you have a bloke who cant support both women in the lifestyle that they demand. Then he has some really big problems,-- a very angry wife and no sex from the girlfriend.

Why is it that there are no societys where women support a couple of men in a way they would like to be kept? I might think about moving there and not working or worrying about money in exchange for some sex..

What's the penalty for having 2 wives ?

2 mother in laws.

Originally Posted by Panda

Just we tilted the original intention a bit when we invented money.

and a good thing too...now both parties get something of real value....

My Dad in the philippines would get married every saturday night,, then divorced on sunday.. much easier way to go.....

^That's how the Muslims can say "there is no prostitution".

Didn't Mitterrand's, the French president, have a lover for 10 years?