Thread: You think thats bad..

NEW LAW COMING FROM CONGRESS -- AMERICANS WITHOUT ABILITIES ACT

WASHINGTON, DC - Jan. 13 - Congress is considering
Sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits
For many Americans. The Americans Without Abilities
Act (AWAA) is being hailed as major legislation by
Advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any
Real skills, education, ambition, or
Competence whatsoever..

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the
Capability and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful
Role for themselves in society," said Senator Barbara Boxer.
"We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to
Be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers
Will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group
Of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some
Idea of what they are doing."

The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service,
Which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity
Without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
Postal employees lack job skills, making this agency
The single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination
Against the Inept include retail sales (72&#37, the airline industry (68%),
And home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a
Great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (71%)

Under the Americans Without Abilities Act, more than 25 million
New "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding
Titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory
Sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given,
To guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.
The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which
Maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle man
Positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses
That agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWAA contains tough new measures to make it more
Difficult to discriminate against the Non-Abled, banning
Discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals
For the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which
Relate to this job?" All that an employer needs to know about any
Job applicant is that they want the job being offered," said Senator
Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York. "No one should suffer the
Humiliation of being rejected as unqualified for any position
They really, really want," she said.

"As a Non-Abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with
People who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz,
Who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in
Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law
Should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill,
Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally
See a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide
Each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy,
With some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

Shouldn't this be in the jokes forum?


Edit: Looks like Ray found the source!

^ The only welfare the Democrats dole out now is to big corporations, just like their Republican friends. The myth of the welfare queen driving up to the welfare office in her Cadillac was 25 years ago. The new billion dollar embassy in Baghdad is the new welfare. Fatass Hillary gets her money from the same corporate trough as the Bushes. Funny stuff from the Onion, though.