And then it all went tits up (relationship Thread)

[English Noodles]

Good troll OP and well followed through.

[chassamui]

No matter how much research you do, and how much good advice you get, it is still possible to fall for the thai ladies well rehearsed charms. The ladies expectations, and means of acheiving them are a world apart from what we know in the west.
Many are cunning and devious, but an equal number are genuinely lovely people, even some of the bar girl fraternity.
I have known bar girls who have chosen to help a bloke out wehn it would have been easier to fleece him.
I have known so called good girls take a bloke to the cleaners.
When you first arrive and it's all new and in your face, sometimes it can be hard to see the jai dee for the jai dam.
i suppose the best thing to advise anyone is take care and don't jump too quickly..
Most men who come here have left at least one relationship behind them in the west, so they are on guard so to speak. It's easy to come unstuck but it is possible to find a good un.
Good luck bedtime.

[bedtime]

I have been here living by myself for the last 8 years or so.

One golden rule that I stick to is "DO NOT GET INVOLVED"

I have a few Thai lady friends who work in various places and one at least is on the 'game'

Nevertheless, although I am a prime target for the 'must send money home, buffalo sick ' routine I never have a problem .

Meet up occasionally, usually by accident and not planned, have a few laughs and drinks and I'm off home .
Sometimes they ask if they can come with me as they want company or their room mate has their boyfriend stopping etc etc .

Go home - have a few more drinks, watch a video, off to bed , have a happy time, up in the morning , go somewhere for breakfast , drop her off wherever she wants to go !

Have never been asked for money - probably because in the years that I have known them they realise that I'm not a 'Cheap Charlie' but scrape by on a bit of contract work and my pension - and we just get along fine !!

PS they all know each other as well !
PPS Hence 'Happyman" Nic !!

Thanks Happyman, sounds like you have managed to strike a nice balance between having company and doing your own thing when you want to. I thought that I was sufficiently wary enough to spot a scamster but obviously not, probably waited after I'd been home a week or 2 and had decided to try it out on someone else. Oh well, mai pen lai, at least it didn't cost me too much, couple of hundred quid over the month in actual cash I suppose and then all the little add ons. Thanks for your input.

[bedtime]

No matter how much research you do, and how much good advice you get, it is still possible to fall for the thai ladies well rehearsed charms. The ladies expectations, and means of acheiving them are a world apart from what we know in the west.
Many are cunning and devious, but an equal number are genuinely lovely people, even some of the bar girl fraternity.
I have known bar girls who have chosen to help a bloke out wehn it would have been easier to fleece him.
I have known so called good girls take a bloke to the cleaners.
When you first arrive and it's all new and in your face, sometimes it can be hard to see the jai dee for the jai dam.
i suppose the best thing to advise anyone is take care and don't jump too quickly..
Most men who come here have left at least one relationship behind them in the west, so they are on guard so to speak. It's easy to come unstuck but it is possible to find a good un.

Good luck bedtime.

Thanks for the moral support there chassamui, much appreciated.

[kingwilly]

Bedtime you seem to have fallen in love with 2 different woman in a matter of months,both found a reason to dump you which may not have anything to do with the reasons they gave , If you go around talking about love after a week or two they will not respect you,thai woman like a strong willed man who can set boundries ,so perhaps look at your own behavior and you will find an answer
good luck

geez mate, who did you upset for telling the truth ?

5 reds !

have a green to fix a couple.

[bedtime]

Could someone explain the giving of reds and Greens please, I have checked FAQ's and used the search facility but am still clueless as to what they are or mean, thanks

[PlanK]

^
See the post above yours.
Click on the little scales at the bottom left, select I disapprove and add a short message.

That will send the poster a red. Red is the colour of love, and says "I loved your post".

[Happyman]

managed to strike a nice balance between having company and doing your own thing when you want to

Rapidly approaching the 'threescore years and ten' and being a fat old bastard as well I am quite content to go fishing - do a bit of contract work- get gently pissed and stumble home to my herd of bloody cats !

I must say though - it is very age related and if it works out OK then go for it.

I got involved in the late 80's ( when I was a bit more active and several stone lighter ) with a lovely Chinese lady and were together for 14 years ! (Parted amicably so no problem )

But now - Nah !

The ladies referred to in my post range from early 20's to mid 40's and are the bonus !!

Where in SE uk are you ?

Just go for the moment and thats it !

[chassamui]

Rapidly approaching the 'threescore years and ten' and being a fat old bastard as well I am quite content to go fishing - do a bit of contract work- get gently pissed and stumble home to my herd of bloody cats !

Thank you for this comment happyman. i am not far behind you and this is exactly the kind of inspiration i needed.

[Donnyrover]

Thai women are realy screwed up; my wife got me involved with several who had husband problem's, most seem to expect a home in Thailand with a new car parked on the drive and if they don't get that the trouble start's! Be warned-They see us as a never ending source of cash for their family and never switch allegence!!

[Fuzzy Bob]

Thai women are realy screwed up; my wife got me involved with several who had husband problem's, most seem to expect a home in Thailand with a new car parked on the drive and if they don't get that the trouble start's! Be warned-They see us as a never ending source of cash for their family and never switch allegence!!

Frequently but not all the time as some members can justify.

[Patangko]

When I eventually got home I had agreed to send her a few bob every month to help out,

fatal mistake number one.

we both proclaimed undying love for each other

fatal mistake number 2

I will be going back to her city in April, and will try to re establish contact

fatal mistake number 3, and the one that confirms you as a hopeless loser.

I am not blind or stupid,

yes you are, you are both. you have absolutely no idea, no knowledge, no cultural insight, no idea of how different things are here and yet you "fall in love" with girls whose only aim in life is to secure a stable financial future for themselves and their parents/kids/brothers and sisters by marrying a foreigner.

love doesnt even come into it for them, and your understanding of the word love and their understanding of the word are so far removed form one another as to be irrecconcileable.

you might be a decent chap and a "good catch" for a western person, but for most thais, you are just another sucker whose main purpose will be to support or help support her and her family in a lifestyle that they could not achieve any other way. if you are prepared to go along with that then go ahead and marry one.

read a short book called "inside thai society" by neils mulder if you want to know about thai family dynamics and the role and obligations of daughters within the family............ and then stop pissing about on websites promising you everlasting happiness....... and try to see beyond the smiles, flattery and superficial signals that make most thais so lovable in the short term, signals that when given off by a western woman could only mean true love and devotion, but are just part of normal social intercourse here in thailand and have absolutely no other hidden meaning.

you are just another cuntstruck falang, thousands of them here, living in the cities and villages, thinking they have found true love and everlasting happiness, when basically all they have found is a girl who is happy to live off the retirement funds of a man (who should know better), in order to improve her status within her family and within the community she lives in.

love has nothing to do with it.

repeat after me, LOVE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

Although painfully true it is for 99% factual. Definitely read and understand the book "inside Thai society" it equates with 10 years experience living here and only if your eyes are open, some never understand they just vegetate and walk in circles. It is rare and seldom to find otherwise and basically, speaking Thai is a must if you live here. Not the "you me go bungalow" sh*t but proper Thai. The better you speak the better you understand what's going around here. And that is besides the whole falling in love concept which makes one ta bot (blind) as the Thai expression goes. My father, and carrier Navy man told me at a very young age the truth "If your dick stands up, your brain goes to your balls" how true he was. If I would have all the money I spent on women in my pocket I could buy a 500 SEC or two.....

I subscribe to the below part of the book "The road less traveled".

Falling in love is not an extension of one’s limits or boundaries; it is a partial and temporary collapse of them. The extension of one’s limits requires effort; falling in love is effortless. Lazy and undisciplined individuals are as likely to fall in love as energetic and dedicated ones. Once the precious moment of falling in love has passed and the boundaries have snapped back into place, the individual may be disillusioned, but is usually none the larger for the experience. When limits are extended or stretched, however, they tend to stay stretched. Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling in love is not.
Falling in love has little to do with purposively nurturing one’s spiritual development. If we have any purpose in mind when we fall in love it is to terminate our own loneliness and perhaps insure this result through marriage. Certainly, we are not thinking of spiritual development. Indeed, after we have fallen in love and before we have fallen out of love again we feel we have arrived, that the heights have been attained, that there is both no need and no possibility of going higher. We do not feel ourselves to be in any need of development; we are totally content to be where we are. Our spirit is at peace. Nor so we perceive our beloved as being in need of spiritual development. To the contrary, we perceive him or her as perfect, as having been perfected. If we see any faults in our beloved, we perceive them as insignificant – little quirks or darling eccentricities that only add color and charm.
If falling on love is not love, then what is it other than a temporary and collapse of ego boundaries? I do not know. But the sexual specificity of the phenomenon leads me to suspect that it is a genetically determined instinctual component of mating behavior. In other words, the temporary collapse of ego boundaries that constitutes falling in love is a stereotypic response of human beings to a configuration of internal sexual drives and external sexual stimuli, which serves to increase the probability of sexual pairing and bonding so as to enhance the survival of the species. Or to put in another, rather crass way, falling on love is a trick that our genes pull on our otherwise perceptive mind to hoodwink or trap us into marriage. Frequently the trick goes awry one way or another, as when the sexual drives and stimuli are homosexual or when other forces – parental interference, mental illness, conflicting responsibilities or mature self-discipline – supervene to prevent the bonding. On the other hand, without this trick, this illusory and inevitably temporary (it would not be practical were it not temporary) regression to infantile merging and omnipotence, many of us who are happily or unhappily married today would have retreated in wholehearted terror from the realism of the marriage vows.

Amen.... you have been warned so now it's "up to you" (also a very important Thai expression).

[the dogcatcher]

Other than the fact that I can fall in love 3 times a night in Thailand, which does not bode well for thai women after a long term "quick buck" so to speak.
Thai women are very protective of their investment of their vaginas when it comes to farang boyfriends although they are fucking great at killing the golden goose by over demanding money.
It would seem to me that alot of Thai women will marry the next Thai guy that can pay for the next fucking round of drinks though.