I once found a lamp on a beach, polished it, and a genii popped out. He said he could grant me either a long memory or a long penis. I can't remember which one I asked for.

My neighbour has just confronted me about articles of clothing going missing from her line. I almost shat her pants.

So I said to my mate "whereabouts in America is your girlfriend from?"
"Alaska" he said.
He obviously doesn't want me to know, I've asked him several times.