Anything from
If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you.
To
Smacked the missus on the arse last night.
"into the bedroom with you wench" I said.
She giggled "Oh you horny devil"
"No, seriously" I said. "fuck off, the footy's about to start."
Try reading this thread from the start to get an idea.
Two parrots on a perch. One says: "Can you smell fish?"