A bloke noticed a woman giving him the eye in the supermarket. "Do I know you?" he asked. She replied, "Aren't you the dad of one of my kids?" His mind flooded back to the only time he'd ever been unfaithful and said, "Were you the hooker I fucked over the pool table at my stag do while snorting a line off your tits and your mate whipped me and rammed that massive cucumber up my arse?" She stared at him and said, "No. I'm your daughter's teacher!"