Abe meets Hymie on the street.
Abe says “Hymie hef I got a bargain for you. I can let you hef an elephant for 500 shekels.”
Hymie says “Abe, are you crazy? I live in a one-bedroom condo, where the heck am I going to keep an elephant?”
Abe says “OK. I tell you what I can do. I’ll let you have two elephants for 800 shekels.”
Hymie says “Aaaah, now you’re talking!”


Becky and Rachel meet on the street.
Becky says “Ssshhh, don’t tell anybody but I’m hevink an affair.”
Rachel says “Oh really, so who’s doink the caterink?”


Becky and Rachel meet again.
Becky says “So tell me Rachel, how is your son, Bennie, these days?”
Rachel says “Oooh, Bennie he is givink me such pleasure.”
Becky says “But Rachel, your son Bennie is an homosexual!”
Rachel says “Ah yes, but he’s goink vith such a nice Jewish doctor.”


Hymie and Rachel are in bed one night.
Hymie says “It’s your birthday tomorrow. What would you like?”
Rachel says “Oh just give me 500 shekels.”
Hymie says “Where the heck am I going to get 500 shekels wholesale?”



Bennie is woken one morning by his mother’s screams and rushes to his parents bedroom.
His mother says “Bennie, your father has had an heart attack.”
Bennie checks his father and says to his mother “Momma, I’m sorry but he’s dead.”
His mother says “Give him some chicken soup.”
Bennie says “But Momma, he’s already dead. It wouldn’t do any good.”
His mother says “It wouldn’t hoit!”