Southern California experienced a major earthquake today, 7.2 on the Richter Scale, at present, The Haiti government have pledged they will do all they can to assist.

CNN Reports that specialised Witch Doctors, with no green card are read on standby to assist in healing the wounded.

Their teams of looters are ready to board the first available flights to loot American stores, if the US government can pay for the air tickets.

They are also preparing a team of food and ganja seeking dogs, that can sniff out drugs over a 50 metre radius.

The Haitian government has even suggested that dead Americans can be taken to Haiti and turned into the Undead, at no additional expense!

Vodoo technicians are standing by to fly/parachute in to quiet sort of places ready to repopulate the country by forced sex/rape, to enable population growth, they also said they are willing to bring in their own DRUGS, which are available at a slight premium.

The Haitian Air force has mustered a hang glider, to ferry in much needed supplies of Jenkem, as an aid to post traumatic stress!

Jenkem - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

They assure all US citizens that SHIT floating in the street will be put to good use!

In the meantime, the US Government has requested at least 15 years of support financially from Haiti, and both governments have been in deep discussions all day.

CNBC can reveal that Haiti has commited to an aid plan for the next ten years to a sum of 3 chickens, 5 dinar, an old jeep and 20 Marlboro!

President Obongo was unavailable for comment!