Thread: "Mid-EVIL PUNOGRAPHY"

"Mid-EVIL PUNOGRAPHY"

This is a tale of Mid-EVIL PUNOGRAPHY. What kind of FUN-DA-MENTALISTS

have? I MET-A-PHYSICAL and brainy Amish woman who was two MENN-A-
NITE, but she still wanted MOR-MAN. She told them to GO-LIETH under a

PSALM tree and JO-NAH club. She decided to DA-VID and conquer with
ropes. The men said to a passing tailor, "Hey, she TIT-US up!" She
was DELILAH to NOAH that the ECCLESIASTICUS in their shorts snapped.
She asked the tailor, "SIR, COME-SIZE these men!" He asked, "What did

that HO-SE-A?" The men begged the tailor, "Please don’t squeeze the

SHAMAN! Please don’t PHALL-US now!" They started to BABYL-ON. The

tailor decided to be FAIR-Y and not RAMA-DAN their throats. He untied

them and gave them all pink flowered pants to wear. This really hit a

NIRV,-AN-A they cried, "MAN-URE GOD-DY!" It started REIGNING, and
they shouted, "Oh, DAMP!" The woman yelled, "AYA-TOLLA to stay dry,
but you went ROMAN around!" They couldn’t hear her, because they
were
too PHAR-OAH away being PANTSY-ISTS.

Meanwhile, Joseph said, "HARK, THE HAIRY ANGEL SINGS…" He was a
SOLOM-
MAN, and SAD-U-SEE. He really needed a FAITH LIFT. He had bad breath

from eating BABY CHEESES in A-PASTA,-SEE, and needed to TEST-A-MINT.
He told his girlfriend, "Let’s have an ALE, MARY." After a few
drinks, he took his HONEY AND NECT-AR. She said, "Hey, I’m MORE
CHASTE, LESS WILLING!" Then Joseph SAU-DI light, EXORCISED his RITE
to marry her, and said, "There’s no place like OM."

Sittin' at home last Sunday mornin' me mate Boomerrang Said he was havin' a few people around for a barbie, Said he might Kookaburra or two.

I said, "Sounds great, will Wallaby there?"

He said "Yeah and Vegemite come too".

So I said to the wife "Do you wanna Goanna?". She said "I'll go if Dingos".

So I said "Wattle we do about Nulla?"

He said "Nullabors me to tears, leave him at home."

We got to the party about two and walked straight out the kitchen to put some booze in the fridge. And you wouldn't believe it, there's Boomer's wife Warra sittin there tryin to Platypus!

Now, I don't like to speak Illawarra, but I was shocked, I mean how much can a Koala bear.

So I grabbed a beer, flashed me Wangarratta and went out and joined the party.

Pretty soon Ayers Rocks in and things really started jumpin'. This Indian girl, Marsu, turns up, dying to go to the toilet but she couldn't find it. I said to me mate Al, "Hey, where can Marsupial?" He said "She can go outback with the fellas, she's probably seen a cockatoo".

Well just then Warra comes out of the kitchen with a few drinks for everybody. Fairdinkum, you've never seen a Coolabah maid. I grabbed a beer and said, "Thanks Warra - tah".

A couple of Queensland at the party, one smellin' pretty strongly of aftershave. One of 'em sat down next to me and I turned to him and I said, "Ya know mate, Eureka Stockade!"

It was a really hot day; Oscar felt like a swim. He said to Ina, "Do you want a have a dip in the Riverina?" She said "I haven't got my Kosciusko".

Well Bo says, "Come in starkers, Wattle Lake Eyre!" Ina says "What, without so much as a Thredbo?" Ah, Perisher thought! Has Eucumbine in yet?

Well a few of the blokes decided to play some cricket. Boomer says "Why doesn't Wombat?" "Yeah, and let Tenterfield".

He said I should have a bowl but I was too out of it to play cricket so I suggested a game of cards. I said to Lyptus "Wanna game of Eucalyptus?" He said "There's no point mate, Darwins everytime."

Well Bill said he'd like a smoke. Nobody knew where the dope was stashed. I said "I think Merinos." But I was just spinning a bit of a yarn. Barry pulls a joint out of his pocket. Bill says "Great, Barrier Reefer, what is it mate?" "Noosa Heads of course. Me mate Adelaide 'em on me." And it was a great joint too, Blue Mountains away and his Three Sisters.

Well I thought I'd roll one meself, I said "Chuck us the Tally Hobart". He said "They're out on the Laun, Ceston, can you get em for us?" Burnie says "Its okay mate, she's apples, I'll get em for ya"

Just then Alice Springs into action, starts to pack Billabong. And you wouldn't believe it, the bongs broken. I said "Lord Howe!"

"Hay-man" somebody says "Will a Didgeridoo?" I said "Hummmmm mummmm mummmmm mummmmm maybe it'll have ta."

I look in the corner and there's Bass sittin there, not getting into it, not getting out of it, I said "What, is Bass Strait or somthin?" Boomer says "As a matter a fact mate, he's a cop" I said "Ya jokin mate, a cop, I'm getting outta here, lets Goanna." She said "No way, I'm hangin round till Gum leaves. Besides, I dont wanna leave Jacardanda party on his own. Have you seen him? I think he's trying to crack on Toowoomba, he's already tried to Mount Isa And he'll definitely try to lead you Australiana!"

That's classic Aussie,only Aussies would understand the humour.

Originally Posted by momo8

only Aussies would understand the humour.

I hope not - I'd hate to be an Aussie and I understood it.

Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog

I hope not - I'd hate to be an Aussie and I understood it.

Good for you then.

Originally Posted by TizMe

Sittin' at home last Sunday mornin' me mate Boomerrang Said he was havin' a few people around for a barbie, Said he might Kookaburra or two.

I said, "Sounds great, will Wallaby there?"

He said "Yeah and Vegemite come too".

So I said to the wife "Do you wanna Goanna?". She said "I'll go if Dingos".

So I said "Wattle we do about Nulla?"

He said "Nullabors me to tears, leave him at home."

We got to the party about two and walked straight out the kitchen to put some booze in the fridge. And you wouldn't believe it, there's Boomer's wife Warra sittin there tryin to Platypus!

Now, I don't like to speak Illawarra, but I was shocked, I mean how much can a Koala bear.

So I grabbed a beer, flashed me Wangarratta and went out and joined the party.

Pretty soon Ayers Rocks in and things really started jumpin'. This Indian girl, Marsu, turns up, dying to go to the toilet but she couldn't find it. I said to me mate Al, "Hey, where can Marsupial?" He said "She can go outback with the fellas, she's probably seen a cockatoo".

Well just then Warra comes out of the kitchen with a few drinks for everybody. Fairdinkum, you've never seen a Coolabah maid. I grabbed a beer and said, "Thanks Warra - tah".

A couple of Queensland at the party, one smellin' pretty strongly of aftershave. One of 'em sat down next to me and I turned to him and I said, "Ya know mate, Eureka Stockade!"

It was a really hot day; Oscar felt like a swim. He said to Ina, "Do you want a have a dip in the Riverina?" She said "I haven't got my Kosciusko".

Well Bo says, "Come in starkers, Wattle Lake Eyre!" Ina says "What, without so much as a Thredbo?" Ah, Perisher thought! Has Eucumbine in yet?

Well a few of the blokes decided to play some cricket. Boomer says "Why doesn't Wombat?" "Yeah, and let Tenterfield".

He said I should have a bowl but I was too out of it to play cricket so I suggested a game of cards. I said to Lyptus "Wanna game of Eucalyptus?" He said "There's no point mate, Darwins everytime."

Well Bill said he'd like a smoke. Nobody knew where the dope was stashed. I said "I think Merinos." But I was just spinning a bit of a yarn. Barry pulls a joint out of his pocket. Bill says "Great, Barrier Reefer, what is it mate?" "Noosa Heads of course. Me mate Adelaide 'em on me." And it was a great joint too, Blue Mountains away and his Three Sisters.

Well I thought I'd roll one meself, I said "Chuck us the Tally Hobart". He said "They're out on the Laun, Ceston, can you get em for us?" Burnie says "Its okay mate, she's apples, I'll get em for ya"

Just then Alice Springs into action, starts to pack Billabong. And you wouldn't believe it, the bongs broken. I said "Lord Howe!"

"Hay-man" somebody says "Will a Didgeridoo?" I said "Hummmmm mummmm mummmmm mummmmm maybe it'll have ta."

I look in the corner and there's Bass sittin there, not getting into it, not getting out of it, I said "What, is Bass Strait or somthin?" Boomer says "As a matter a fact mate, he's a cop" I said "Ya jokin mate, a cop, I'm getting outta here, lets Goanna." She said "No way, I'm hangin round till Gum leaves. Besides, I dont wanna leave Jacardanda party on his own. Have you seen him? I think he's trying to crack on Toowoomba, he's already tried to Mount Isa And he'll definitely try to lead you Australiana!"

From Austin Tayshus - Aussie comedian of the early to mid 80's. - Sorry, missed the link above !

Tex-Mexistentialism
O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships Punniest of show: Steve Brooks

I don't know the year but this could win in almost every year:

Tex-Mexistentialism

"Jalapeno, Jalapeno, Jalapeno, Jalapeno." I've discovered a wonderful
new philosophy that has raised my consciousness as well as my
cholesterol. It's called Tex-Mexistentialism .

It all started with the philosopher Juan-Paul Salsa, who wrote, "To
Bean, or Nacho to Bean, that is the Queso."

He was followed by his great disciple, Descarta Blanca, who said, "I
Pinto, therefore, Cayenne."

Some trace it to ancient Grease, where the great thinker Aristortilla
wrote the book Plata's RePulpo.

Meanwhile, over in ancient India, they believed in Chili con Karma -
that what Casa round, Carne's around.

And back in the Holy Land, The prophet Masa brought The Ten Comidas:

"Thou Salt not Tequila."
"Honor Tamale and thy Papaya."
"Blessed are the Migas, for they shall Ranchero the Burps."
"Give a man an Enchilada, he'll Taco Mole."
"Arroz is Arroz by Flameada name."
"In the Picante, Guisada Cerveza'd the Hongas and the Verde. And he
saw that it was Food."

I'd like to close by reciting The Lard's Prayer:

"Our Fajita, who art in Huevos,
Pollo'd be Muy Bueno.
Thy Corona come, thy Chili be Con, on Cuervo it is El Jefe.
Forgive us our Tres Amigos, as we forgive those who Seis Salsas
against us.
Lettuce not into Tomatillo, but Nuevo us from Fritos.
For thine is the Gringo, the Agua and the Chorizo.
In the name of the Flauta, and of the Flan, and of the Frijole ghost.
A-Menudo."
(By Steve Brooks)

The 31th O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships will be held at the O.
Henry Museum on Brush Square in Austin, Texas, Saturday, May 17th
starting at noon. Admission is free. For further information go to: http://www.punpunpu n.com/


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