Disorder in Court

**Wasp** · 03-10-2015, 02:05 AM

Obviously I have no way of checking on this but these 3 extracts are real exchanges that have happened between witnesses and some stupid attorneys in America ----

q: : On the morning of July 25th, did you walk from the farmhouse down the footpath to the cowshed?
a: : I did.
q: : And as a result, you passed within a few yards of the duck pond?
a: : I did.
q: : And did you observe anything?
a: : I did ..... (Witness remains silent.)
q: : Well, could you tell the Court what you saw?
a: : I saw George.
q: : You saw George *******, the defendant in this case?
a: : Yes.
q: : Can you tell the Court what George ******* was doing?
a: : Yes...... (Witness remains silent.)
q: : Well, would you kindly do so?
a: : He had his thing stuck into one of the ducks.
q: : His "thing"?
a: : You know... His thing. His di... I mean, his penis.
q: : You passed close by the duck pond, the light was good, you were sober, you have good eyesight, and you saw this clearly?
a: : Yes.
q: : Did you say anything to him?
a: : Of course I did!
q: : What did you say to him?
a: : "Morning, George

A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed.
q: : How far away was he from the accident.
a: : The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches."
q: : What? How come you are so sure of that distance?
a: : Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!

q: : Please repeat after me: "I swear by Almighty God..."
a: : "I swear by Almighty God."
q: : "That the evidence that I give..."
a: : That's right.
q: : Repeat it.
a: : "Repeat it".
q: : No! Repeat what I said.
a: : What you said when?
q: : "That the evidence that I give..."
a: : "That the evidence that I give."
q: : "Shall be the truth and..."
a: : It will, and nothing but the truth!
q: : Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
a: : I'm not a scholar, you know.
q: : We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
a: : "Shall be the truth and."
q: : Say: "Nothing...".
a: : Okay. (Witness remains silent.)
q: : No! Don't say nothing. Say: "Nothing but the truth..."
a: : Yes.
q: : Can't you say: "Nothing but the truth..."?
a: : Yes.
q: : Well? Do so.
a: : You're confusing me.
q: : Just say: "Nothing but the truth...".
a: : Okay. I understand.
q: : Then say it.
a: : What?
q: : "Nothing but the truth..."
a: : But I do! That's just it.
q: : You must say: "Nothing but the truth..."
a: : I WILL say nothing but the truth!
q: : Please, just repeat these four words: "Nothing", "But", "The", "Truth".
a: : What? You mean, like, now?
q: : Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words.
a: : "Nothing. But. The. Truth."
q: : Thank you.
a: : I'm just not a scholar.

Wasp

**Wasp** · 03-10-2015, 04:37 PM

If these are true answers in Court there are some very quick , sarcastic witnesses out there .

q: : What is your date of birth?
a: : July fifteenth.
q: : What year?
a: : Every year.

q: : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
a: : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

q: : This myasthenia gravis... Does it affect your memory at all?
a: : Yes.
q: : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
a: : I forget.
q: : You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

q: : what was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
a: : he said, "where am i, doris?"
q: : and why did that upset you?
a: : my name is susan.

q: : she had three children, right?
a: : yes.
q: : how many were boys?
a: : none.
q: : were there any girls?

q: :Are you sexually active?
a: :No. I just lie there.

q: :could you see him from where you were standing?
a: :I could see his head.
q: :and where was his head?
a: :just above his shoulders.

q: :any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
a: :the victim lived.

q: : how was your first marriage terminated?
a: : by death.
q: : and by whose death was it terminated?

q: : now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
a: : did you actually pass the bar exam?

Wasp

**Wasp** · 03-10-2015, 11:49 PM

*************

q: : the youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

q: : How old is your son - the one living with you.
a: : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
q: : How long has he lived with you?
a: : Forty-five years.

q: : And where was the location of the accident?
a: : Approximately milepost 499.
q: : And where is milepost 499?
a: : Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

q: : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
a: : We both do.
q: : Voodoo?
a: : We do.
q: : You do?
a: : Yes, voodoo.

q: : Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
a: : Yes.
q: : Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
a: : Yes, sir.
q: : What did she say?
a: : What disco am I at?

q: : I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
a: : That's me.
q: : Were you present when that picture was taken?
a: : I believe I was

q: : Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

q: : Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
a: : I'll be three months on November 8.
q: : Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
a: : Yes.
q: : What were you doing at that time?

q: : How many times have you committed suicide?
a: : Four times.

q: : Did he kill you?

q: : You don't know what it was and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

q: : Have you lived in this town all your life?
a: : Not yet.

q: : How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
a: they weren't apart at all

q: : You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

q: : Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
a: : I refuse to answer that question.
q: : Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
a: : I refuse to answer that question.
q: : Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
a: : No.

q: : Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
a: : No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

q: : Were you acquainted with the deceased?
a: : Yes sir.
q: : Before or after he died?

If they are real --- these attorneys are just talking for something to do.

Wasp

**Wasp** · 04-10-2015, 04:44 PM

*
*

q: : You were there until the time you left, is that true?

**Iceman123** · 04-10-2015, 04:52 PM

Wasp, there is a reason no one else is posting on this thread.

It's shite

**aging one** · 04-10-2015, 05:11 PM

pure crap, and you beat me to it.

**Wasp** · 05-10-2015, 03:08 AM

I have to agree.

Thread: Disorder in Court

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