Many of us here live in Thailand and one of the most common remarks I, and perhaps you recieve from folk back home after the usual weather and sluts routine, is "ooh, you're so lucky, you have Thai restaurants everywhere!"

Firstly, may I take a few seconds to correct your last statement, dear relative or friend or whoever the fucking hell has decided to phone me up without the knowledge that the world is infact split into several different time zones and although you're currently on your second pint of the evening, I'm in fact in bed and you've just disturbed me from a dream which featured Emma Bunton of Spice Girl's fame and a whip...so, since you've woken me..get this, wanker..

Restaurants, you say? No, wrong, incorrect..couldn't get further from the truth. We don't have restaurants here..we have ill kept sheds with a 127 year old granny bent at a right angle over a wok with oil in it that gets change once a decade.

Secondly, Thai food gets real old real fucking quick...

"Kin khao mai?"

Fuck off, I want bread and potatoes..

Just needed to quash the Thai food myth quickly there.

Soz for the detour..

Anyway, whilst on the subject, how well do you know your Thai food?

Couple of easy dishes to commence proceedings..

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Fire away, gents..