Bring water to the boil.
Add eggs. 4 large eggs. The fresher the better. I would say free range but I think battery hens are nurtured with greater affection than the scabby little bleeders that old man Somjit lets roam around his backyard, and anyone else's fucking backyard for that matter. Officially, I suppose, the chickens belong to him but as the law has it possession is nine tenths, so it wouldn't be terribly unjust if the rogue roosters that unlawfully breach the boundaries of my humble little farmhouse and subsequently shit all over the fucking place, were subjected to a violent demise courtesy of a box of matches and 20 baht's worth of benzine 91 - an act, although a little sadistic, which would soon reap the consequential cry of 'dinner is served', and Somjit doesn't want a leg, or a breast, or even a wing...no, that fucker wants the arse and the feet, and possibly the beak if it hasn't perished.
While the eggs are simmering on a low heat, start preparing the extra ingredients which comprise of several spring onions and two enormous dollops of full fat mayonnaise - the half-baked, low fat (the utilization of italics was to denote gayness) variety is simply not conducive to satisfaction come the cessation of your forthcoming feast. It's like asking for a scoop of Haargen Das strawberry cheesecake ice cream and coming away with half a pint of skimmed milk.
Roughly chop the spring onions and ladle the mayonnaise into a bowl, and now our attention can once again be turned to the eggs.
Having spent a good 8 minutes in the pan, the eggs are now free to be shelled.
Burn yourself a lot during this process - it's tradition.
Add them to mayo before using a fork to compound the mixture together. Work aggressively. Work like you are composing a knee-trembler with a Burmese bint round the back of the bar by the bins. Quick.Efficient.Passionate.
Once the egg mayo medley has been beaten to your satisfaction, place it between two door-step slices of bread, garnish with the spring onion, and rip the fucker limb from limb.
This is currently my favourite fare.
Pros and cons:
Pros:
1. It tastes great
2. Promotes some of the best flatulence you could ever hope to part with, both in terms of volume and odour, which leads me to number three.
3. Can aid the felling of unwanted elderly relatives after cocking a deft buttock.
4. .....no, that's it.
Cons:
1. It makes you fat.
2. People start running away from 'Stinky Slap'
But they aren't pros really. They just add to masculinity.
Real men are fat and smelly. Poofters are skinny and smell like blossom.