Thread: Masturbation Turns into Mastication as Slap Discovers Issan Kebab Den

Originally Posted by somtamslap

She directed me to the vendor who lurked with sweet, sweet intent outside a busy high-street bank.

Well, hello there, you brazen harlot! Prepare to see me every hour on the hour, starting right now...

Bet the old krone thought her luck was in when she saw ya idling up to her with love in your eyes, just to be shot down as you were only after her meat!!!!!

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Hmmm. Nice touch. Toasting the pitta bread on the grill like that. Keep this up and I may not be able to supress the overwhelming urge to lustfully kiss your cherry lips.

See if you can get a discount by saying 'Asslam Likum' next time and if she replies "I'll likum for 200bht", grab the terrorist by the long and curly's and toss her into the nearest rancid Khlong whilst running off with her secret ingredients!!! Pitta breads an all... I'll be up forthwith to enjoy a Keeeebab from the Slap-er

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Salad items and condiments were a touch on the scant side, but we'll overlook this treacherous act of ignorance on this occasion. No green chillis? That is out and out blasphemy...

I would recommend a thorough thrashing, maybe even a public stoning...heresy..I tell you heresy!!!

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Hold on! Ketchup? On a fucking kebab? Are you calling me a kunt? Oh well, country dwellers obviously can not be choosers. Please continue..

What about throwing on some Nam Prik to spice it up with I am currently addicted to that shit and can't get enough...even while it plays absolute havoc with my guts!!!

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Adding the chicken from the sacred spinning stick into the mix..

Ah, the sacred spinning stick...such a glorious site...

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Behold my fearsome kebab, peasants. And shove that basket of sticky rice up your arse while your doing it.

I am in Penang currently and am enjoying the feasts of India every day twice a day as that is all my belly can handle...

Originally Posted by somtamslap

It was a short lived, whimsical happiness, AO. But true bliss will commence in approximately 90 minutes when I go to the local shop and get spannered on cheap beer..

Ah, the refreshment stage after..I remember the days when I'd have a kebab back in the UK and the chilli sauce was so hot that it burnt ya ring before you'd even swallowed... As I am in Malaysia I dared to try a beverage from the chiller last night that stated that it was 12.2% one can was enough as it was similar to treacle...however, it did exactly what it said on the tin!!!

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Fine, fine! But let's not forget I'm a fond fan of raw bacon and other such bacteria ridden cack.

Not much choice in Thailand, as I find that many Thai's can't actually cook and have not the slightest clue of cooking times....burnt outside doesn't mean cooked inside you halfwits!!!

Originally Posted by Listerman

More importantly have you noticed a decline in the local rat population since the appearance of the kebab seller.

Slap has eaten all of those already!!!

Originally Posted by somtamslap

I'm off out the local shop.

Shopping list:

10 tonnes of ya-dong, a tin of sardines, two tomatoes and a gun.

Why on earth do you need sardines and tomatoes???

Originally Posted by Tassini

Somtam, get yourself up to the 'Sports Bar' Marcus now has proper doner kebabs. Fuck knows where he is getting them from but they are not bad once you are half wankered.

So, they only taste good half wankered!!!! That isn't a good recommendation!!

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Marcus dishes up decent grub, but he's on the other side of town from moi. The last time I journied home from his spot I woke up in a fucking wooden bungalow next to a elderly gentleman sporting a thread bare sarong. Not only that but my fucking motorbike had been temporarily thieved by acquaintances of aforementioned geriatric..

Took some explaining to the wife, did that...

Ah the ominous rides home completely trolleyed...they can be rather eye opening!