Should the occasion ever arise where a sound buggering was required, I'd don a frilly frock and walk about the place calling myself Vera. It would be then and only then that I'd expect to be bent over rodgered. So with this in mind, I was ill-prepared for the metaphorical beasting I recently recieved in my local pizzeria.

I walked through door; an action which provoked the wide eyed owner to scuttle from behind the counter and stick a menu in my face. My modus operandi at this stage was to order the largest, most expensive pizza they had on offer and gannet the bastard with great vengeance and furious anger. However, after the manager had shown me to my usual seat next to the fish tank, he eagerly began to scroll through the plastic binder which he has the nerve to refer to as a 'menu', until he reached the day's special.

Sai Gok Italy (Italian Sausage), he bleated excitedly, pointing at the felt tip pen scrawled option.

Now, stumbling upon a entrepeneur in Isaan isn't an everyday occurence, so with an admiration for this attempt at diversifying the range of offerings, I decided to concur with his suggestion and placed the order.

Promises of 5 different types of Italian sausage, chips and a dressed salad had been made in the menu entry, for just 200 baht which is approximately the priceof their largest pizza.

Surprisingly, the meal arrived in less than two minutes.

And here's why..

It's a plate of fucking hotdogs, you daft, wannabe wop TWAT!



I think he sourced these new items from the 7/11 at PTT station up the road.

Can't wait for the Mexican burger selection to hit the menu.

A word to the wise: When in Isaan - don't order the sauages...ever!