Thread: Custody advice

I would have preferred my first post been one about a successful marriage to a wonderful Thai lady, or the joys of life in the hinterlands, but things have gone horribly wrong.



I have been a long time reader of the forum and hope that the members might add some insight/advice into my situation.


I brought my girlfriend of two years to the States and married her about six months ago. As things sometimes go, she became pregnant. Suffering from homesickness and a desire to see her family she wanted to go home before the pregnancy progressed to the point she couldn’t travel. Only problem was that her immigration status was not yet finalized. We get her parole to travel, and off she goes. Everyone is happy.


Now home, the mother in-law begins to work her magic. Playing on my wife’s fear of childbirth, she has convinced wifey that it would be much better to have and raise the child in Thailand, world class medical care and superior child rearing practices and all. Now my wife is in danger of losing her immigration status, and more importantly to me, separating me from her and my child. Reasoning with her when her mind is made up is an exercise in futility. Her friends have been told by the family to mind their own business.


So for better or for worse, the line in the sand has been drawn. Stay in Thailand and go it on your own or come back and all is fine. Up to you. At this point it looks like I’m screwed.


Our marriage is not registered in Thailand, but we are legally married in America. I doubt she will put me on the birth certificate. I am positive she would not register the birth with the US embassy and apply for a US passport. I will make every effort to be in Thailand when the baby is born if she decides to stay. If not, could a good lawyer act as my proxy and get me on the birth certificate and deal with my embassy? From what I have read the Thai courts seem to be pretty fair with regards to custody and only look at who can best provide for the child. Anyone have any personal experience?


I don’t want to separate our child from her, but I also don’t want to be cut out of the picture and I don’t want my child being raised to aspire to be an Isarn dirt farmer. I am willing to support the baby but not anyone else. If she thinks I intend to take the child, she might pull a runner, hide the baby or claim she had a miscarriage.


Any personal experiences or advice is very much welcome? Anyone know a great lawyer in the Khorat area?

Get over there and talk some sense into her face to face, if at first that doesn't work just bump the mother in law off and have another go.

Traveling over is an option. I just don’t think it would work. I like your second suggestion better. I knew I should have kept the contact information of all those Special Forces guys I run into over there.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Since you're legally married in the states AND she's pregnant with your child, can't you get legal help in the states regarding rights to your child?

If it were a case of a Thai mother taking her child to Thailand and keeping him there without the father's consent, that would be classed as kidnapping. There must be some law about doing this before the baby is born.

I'm sure that besides custody and visitation rights, you would want your kid to have American citizenship and all the rights that go along with that.

I am sorry to learn about your predicament, Maisabaai.
Unfortunately, I cannot offer you any advice whatsoever, but I wish the best for you.

Sincerely

Thanks to both of you. Unfortunately parental kidnapping is not a crime in Thailand. From what I have read, Thailand does not recognize the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. I do want US citizenship and that can be obtained if I am on the birth certificate. I think if I am not, I can still get legal rights with a DNA test. Custody will have to be obtained from the mother or a Thai court.

Honestly, the duress that my wife is putting me through has me seriously wondering if I have made a very bad choice, but I do think she loves me. I know I love her.


I fully intend to support my child, but you are correct about supporting the whole family. A small amount will provide for my child and establish that I am the main provider.

Would someone who loves you do this? Sorry hard question but it's a fact. There is only one answer to that question. I would have thought a lump sum to buy them all off permanently now and receive custody of the new born in exchange would be your best bet if you can. Otherwise you have 20 years of sick-buffalo stories. Paying them 10k or 20k baht a month would support the kid and carer but the money won't be spent on the kid likely as not - the kid is just as likely to be treated as the slave that gets the farang to send money and put to work. Think the worst. Meanwhile they are Thai they always want more. Oh ... and if they're actually Thai-Isaan .... Find a Thai to negotiate a deal now and cut your losses. Also get a divorce sorted or she'll take a share of whatever you earn in the future as well.

Agreed. I do need a good, ruthless preferably Thai, lawyer. I hope someone can point me in the right direction.


I would prefer a payout with divorce and custody, and I am starting the conversation down that road. The baby is not due until the end of November, so I have some time to get all my ducks in a row. I am in a horrible situation full of hazards. I need to be calculated and make sure I don’t make any wrong moves.