Thread: the right way to end it

Originally Posted by keda

^
As for his current wife, last time we chatted socially she had no clue just how strong her position is and conversely his weak, though my concern is that if she gets a whiff there's more than 60k to be had the rest will be a rapid learning process.

Thanks again, excellent points.

wont take long for her mates in pattaya to tell her!

Originally Posted by corvettelover

well 27 baht for the divorce in thailand, including the photocopy.
Problem is if she agrees to it then she will be wanting $$ which needs to be sorted and mutal agreement before you hit the office also throw in the child has aussie passport and can travel to any country in the world if he wants to get out of thailand.
The problem then arises with the kid. As father will be asked about arrangements for $$ for the kid, at the amphors office before they stamp his divorce papers. And it is staffed by thais
Dont think for a moment that the bitch at the desk where you put in your divorce papers wont be siding with the thai wife that is being deserted by the big bad falang.
You need to have a firm agreement, and I suggest a letter signed by her and witnessed by JP, in thai and english that she gives up all claims against the father for any further money and support.
And hop to lord Buddah that she does not find out about the child support thing with the kid being aussie. Or it is all over
Hopefully your mate can pay the baht get the divorce paper, and then tell the idiot to change his phone and address in australia and search her house for any reference to him in aust and build a fire.
And make sure he has no contact with the ex or kid, if he does he is a clown it is only opening the furnace doors,regardless if he wants to see the child .it is not worth the drama that will follow.
At least if it is true about the papers not going in to aust immigration he should be ok.
But from what you saying your mate has problems confessing the fuckups he has made and you have to drag information out of him.
i suggest you speak to him and get the full low down as he sems to only want to give you part bits of what has happened and you are trying to find help with 1/2 the story

Update: Today he called her, she is no longer prepared to give him a divorce and says she wants to leave things as they are. I suspect she is on the learning curve.

His view? - doesn't matter, if she wants or not it's no plobrem. I put to him that if she decides to invoke her rights his lifestyle in Oz is under threat, because if the CSA do enter the equation they're likely to start asking questions about how he can afford to visit LoS so often for long periods. He: no plobrem I'll tell them my sister/brother...I tried to explain not all farangs are as dumb as he'd like them to be, they're not going to accept his story simply because it came from him, and if his pisstake starts them digging they'll find skeletons all over the place.

Did clarify with him that he must go to a good lawyer, also that he must not go the embassy, and as we paid our checkbin he asked if I would go to the embassy with him on Monday. What more can I say?

^ trainwreck.

just be there for him when it all blows up.

I usually try to step back from train wrecks.

If you're hanging around for pure entertainment, ok. Otherwise create a moron-free zone around yourself.

I'll bet it's amuzing to watch two cultures, with no regard for law, posture and jockey for the upper hand on each other -- completely oblivious to the idea that Oz will have none of it.

So for what reason is he going to embassy??????
To tell them what ??
1.that he did not put in an application to bring his wife overseas in at the embassy so dont look for it as he did not do one.
2. has already held up hand and got citizenship for child. so they know that.
So what possible reason has the halfwit got for sticking his head into the embassy
To confess what That he is 99 cents in the $ short in the brain area.

Tell the wife he is not coming back to Thailand and he will miss her and child.But the relationship is over. bye bye.
Then see how much money she will take to divorce him.
If the ATM is gone she will rethink quickly.

train wreck is a very kind word describing your mate.
And as long as he keeps calling her
welllllll

Update: Begged off last night with headache, S came round today...

He saw J in WS yesterday, but thankfully didn't do her in as he said he would if he saw her again.

His brother, who is not aware what is going on, had called to ask wtf he's doing and is he returning to Syria to marry.

Today's session basically revisited the recent series with a few addons, had to clarify (again, and again each time he asked) that he must make the decisions and I can only advise with his best interests at heart. Closed that by telling him I would not again advise that he absolutely must get a divorce before remarrying, because about a hundred times should be enough. He accepted that, though no surprise at all when he later said it would be best if he just went to Syria to marry and get on with his life.

Explained that a good immigration lawyer should give him the same advice as the embassy concerning the stalled resettlement application and his other problems, because they're working from the same books, and that the embassy should be strictly off limits to him, at least until he has taken legal advice, which would include not going to the embassy at all till he gets the divorce and other matters sorted with J. Didn't add to the clutter by mentioning how the embassy in Syria might react to his new wife's resettlement application - whether or not he divorces first! - because I can't see it realistically happening for a while if at all, and he has enough complications to deal with.

Also mentioned that J doesn't need him for access to Oz because as guardian to an Oz citizen she need only guarantee financial independence for a couple or three years to end up with the same rights that he has. Doesn't believe, and said he would check with the embassy.

Then covered CL's well considered caution that even with her agreement to divorce and papers in order, it could go horribly wrong not just at the amphor office with 11th hour unsolicited advice, but at any time over the next 14 years or so, with the right coaching from a wrong person, wrong being any lawyer, farang, or streetwise Thai, and that it's only a matter of time before this happens if it hasn't already. Also that when she starts learning how easily she can put together a good life for herself and the child, on his back if it so happens, that's precisely what she will do. He kept saying she wouldn't do this/that/t'other because she's a nice girl, but it was a start that he paused to consider when I asked what he thought any village girl should (not would) do if she learned she could have a grand life with little to no effort, albeit at his expense. Yes good start, I thought, till he asked if he should tell the embassy they musn't let her into Oz because she's a prostitute!

He asked about a contested divorce, and we ran through that scenario. Quite aside from the time and expense, and that the very worst thing he could possibly do is propel her into a lawyers office, he sincerely believes the judge would sympathise with him because she's a whore and leaves his child with her parents to do her whoring. I explained this is not only irrelevant to the court and the daftest of all scenarios, but would turn against him because aside from being a nasty farang she could claim prostituion due to lack of financial support. Then asked if he thought the judge might order him to pay her a monthly. As expected, he asked how much, and then if the judge could impound his passport. I don't know, but I guess a judge is quite powerful and not the best person to piss off.

Covered many other scenarios, including her living with another guy either here or in farangland, child with them or in Buriram, and that he would still be responsible for support. He outright refuses to accept the concept.

Next, he considered asking J to let him take the child to Oz, after which he could go marry in Syria, take new wife to Oz and live happily ever after. I took no satisfaction in asking if his new wife might suspect something odd about a strange child living with them. No comment.

Went through the CSA angle, which seemed to concern him, but only for a moment before perking up by saying he could tell them the baby is not his. I explained that yes, the child not being his is actually his best shot at resolving most of his problems, which he is compounding by being more concerned with his next short-time, but that he would need proof rather than expect some agencies to believe it is and others that it isn't, on his say so. This moved us on to a DNA test, his only real chance for that proof, checked web for labs and process etc, but then he said don't bother he knows the child is his.

Hey, this is all for real, a prime example of culture clash, and the wondrous ability of Western democracies to thrive regardless.

Does not matter is she is a street hooker or what .
your mate signed a legal document saying the child is his. ( make false statory declaration) another crime i am sure aust immigration would not forget when he applied to bring new wifey out
Thechild has aussie citizenship now!! end of story.
So if she hears about the land of milk and honey from anyone including a falang customer.
The child will be sponsoring mummy to aust.
and bad luck for him.
Sorry your mate needs several glasses of REALITY CHECK without ice.
He needs to make the problem go away now.not burying it rotton meat will always give of a smell and some how it will surface.
great if he marries this other girl has 2.5 kids and then hello look who turns up
Pay any amount of money required ,get divorce and move on.
or his world will explode around him.
try explaining the word BIGAMY to him its still a crime in the real world in aust too.
Your mate sounds very immature

Originally Posted by corvettelover

...Your mate sounds very immature

Why do you think that?

You know them fan belts that they wind around their head to keep the dish towel from slipping or blowing off, Well you had better check his as I think that they are way to tight.

Originally Posted by keda

Originally Posted by corvettelover

...Your mate sounds very immature

Why do you think that?

Maybe its the way he thinks about things (logic)??

I do feel for this guy, honestly! But as another poster pointed out, WTF is he so keen to marry again???

Well to be honest, as a not very bright arab his ideal (and I agree) is the type of life one expects from a young sheltered and uneducated lady brought up to serve, who will ask for no more than the honour to clean and cook and look after him and the kiddies.

Can't say I blame him, but he does need to learn that the outrageously demanding culture, the one that gave him sanctuary and rights and opportunity where none existed in his life before, asks in return that he get divorced before remarrying. Like it or not he's stuck with it, and also the consequences of having a child knowing full well that aside from the sex their relationship was on the rocks virtually from the start.

Originally Posted by keda

Originally Posted by corvettelover

...Your mate sounds very immature

Why do you think that?

Not just immature,but plain thick.Strewth!

Wish I could say yes but he's an unskilled worker, and though he likes hard work and long hours it doesn't earn him the dosh to buy his child, not that he has the means or resources to remotely care for more than himself.

I agree that even with his seemingly unbounded ignorance the child would probably have a better life in Oz than here learning to be a buffalo, and though he is prepared to give her that few thou a month this is on condition that she is not tarting, but now she's back in the rhythm there's no chance of that.

I agree with your closing remark...he got involved with a Thai bargirl for great sex, no complaints there, but naively expected to be treated as he would by a traditional homespun arab girl. Then he got her pregnant and married her, perhaps in despair hoping to both miraculously mature overnight, and when the crunch came he effectively shrugs and expects to walk off unmolested.

Criminally irresponsible, perhaps, but to play devil's advocate, fair also to look at the other side...he is a nice guy as in honest and loves life and people, and godfearing like so many others, confident he is so firmly a believer that god has no choice but to forgive his iniquities. Also in his favour is sheer ignorance and the incapacity to recognise the rights and wrongs of a situation that seems fairly clear to those with advanced, or at least different values and expectations, as often demonstrated by his impulse to sod the consequences and go become a bigamist.

I agree that even with his seemingly unbounded ignorance the child would probably have a better life in Oz than here learning to be a buffalo, and though he is prepared to give her that few thou a month this is on condition that she is not tarting, but now she's back in the rhythm there's no chance of that.

Might be better off doing the divorce thing and sending money every month,
As she is a lady of the night she wont give that up, she might meet a nice falang who will take her away from all that.
but has to be divorced for that to happen.
good luck with it dont stand too close to the railway tracks you might be hit with debris from the train wreck

I think he is sitting on a time Bomb ! It wont be that long before his first wife is told by someone about all the wonderfull things she can have in Oz
thanks to your mate being a Muppet . Even if he buys a divorce from her and agrees a support package with her as soon as she finds out about the above the games off . He wont be able to compensate her for all the benefits she can claim so She will do it sooner or later .

As for getting married again with the above scenario waiting to go off , forget it . That would be a disaster sooner or later .

Sorry but no way out .

Update: S was preparing to go to Buriram for a few days to see the kid, but persuaded him to make it a one night affair as that gives him less time to fvck up, given that overnight would be at her house in the village.

As it is he intended to go without her knowledge or consent, arguing that she would agree anyway (likely to certain) and so doesn't need asking, but persuaded him the kid is in her control, that he needs her more than she needs him (which he really really cannot get his head around), and that I'm outa the picture if he cannot relate to the common courtesy of getting permission from a mother before going to see her child. Permission since requested and granted.

Also not impressed that he expects to return with a firm divorce agreement, and has already mentally run through the scenario of a rejected peace for divorce settlement, which includes intimidation. Intimidation in this respect means anything from verbal raging to broken furniture to a smack or two, nothing new to either of them, in line with his cultural belief that Thai girls walk over those that are too soft and respect only firmness. Also a bit wary at the more belligerent tone of the past days, that has threatened more than once in the absence of swift guidance to sideswipe more radical options.

Not a bright move to start getting fancy on her turf, but cannot control what he says or does from hundreds of miles away so changed the subject to next week's visit to his friends in Samut Prachan (monkey house), hoping it reminds him that getting it wrong could have me next visiting him.

Otherwise not much going on, the absence of embassy talk is balanced by the absence of lawyer talk, and no surprise either that he still seems more concerned with his next short time than getting his life back on track, but that might be an unfair remark given that I do not know all that may be going on in the background.


Will close on just a feeling that may be well off the mark if at all warranted...part of yesterday's summary seemed to be concealed behind a smirk...mrs k was present some of the time so that might be it, or, could indicate I am no longer privy to the gory details (which suits me though can't imagine what these might be seeing as what I do know is not exactly Blue Peter material), or, because I'm the heaviest monkey on his back and he needs some breathing space, or, he's already decided what to do and knows better than to expect a nod from this end, or something else.

Be interested to see the outcome of this proposed divorce

Update: Money's come through from their families, so he's going to the monkey house to visit friends mentioned before that ran into a brick wall on their way to the free world. I was due to tag along but domestic issues kicked in and I backed out, but organised his taxi and will see him in the afternoon when he returns to Pattaya...then we'll go to a travel agent to change his return ticket to Oz from tomorrow evening, which I did not learn about until today, to sometime next month. Yes you read right.

Otherwise not much, but ever wanted to throttle a friend? When I asked if they've been in touch he said she keeps calling him, we got sidetracked with a schwarma, resumed when I asked what they talked about, he said 'nothing because she doesn't answer my calls.' I picked up on this and reminded him that he earlier said she keeps calling, whereupon he shrugged and said, 'I not answer.' Might be amusing if it weren't so potentially explosive.

Looks like he's accepted the concept of being unable to legally marry without a divorce, which he cannot be bothered to pursue, and for now has given up on the idea of marrying the 19 yr-old Iraqi, who by the way is waiting for him and expecting him to return after 'arranging his affairs in Oz', except it's not Oz but LoS and his way of ending the anticipation is to simply not turn up, which he says doesn't matter because she (and her family) will know it's not to be when he doesn't show. Later he said if he can switch his Oz flight to next month, he'll talk with J re: divorce and see what if anything they can agree on, then will check with the embassy before returning to Syria for his young lady.

confusion reigns in his world doesnt it.
must drive you nuts

bit frustrating, but in los long enough to expect thai thinking not just from thais.

Originally Posted by keda

bit frustrating, but in los long enough to expect thai thinking not just from thais.

No argument