Thread: US Presidential Campaign 2008

On to more serious issues : Bit out of date, but a decent review of the race so far:

Mighty Rex Star Wars Guide to The Candidates




"My friends..."




"Luke...."




"JOIN ME!!"


Darth McCain

I had to get this one out of the way right from the top, because I know some of you were thinking "Hey, Vader being a powerful black man..." but NO! You need to drop those stereotypes, mister! Obama isn't remotely like Vader, and besides, as we learned in Episode VI, Vader was a cracker! Heavily scarred by traumatic experiences, torture, manipulation, the 2000 Republican primaries... he has the reputation of a "maverick"... remember the arbitrary slaughter of Imperial officers? the offer to Luke to join him?


...but Darth McCain ultimately serves the Emperor, voting with him almost every time. McCain could be redeemed someday, but only by succumbing to Force Lightning and tossing the Emperor into a pit... something he has thus far refused to do. Let's stay in Iraq... err... Tatooine... forever!




onward!








J'han Solo

Umm... Edwards... ahhh, health care, faster withdrawal from Iraq than uhhh... didn't he play the president in Air Force One? ummm.... He'll stand up to the Hutt business interests... uhhhh... Goddamn, he's pretty. Quick, lock him in a sheet of Carbonite so I can hang him on my wall.



Admiral AkbarRichardsomething

Admiral Akbill

Man, I tell you what... you read Admiral Akbar's resume, take a look at his long career, his credentials, and it's amazingly clear how qualified he is to run a major government. What about his prescient snap evaluation... "It's a trap!" We sure could have used that in Iraq. Well-suited to command, noble, respected by his followers and his peers... but then, Akbar is from a place most people don't care about (Mon Calamari? Are you serious?) and looks vaguely ethnic... is he, I don't know... too fishy to be prez? Anyway, he deserves your vote. Who this Richardson cat is, I have no idea.




Limbba the Hutt

Oops, my bad, not a candidate. Sorry!




Ur Question?Shh! 9/11!

Grand Moff Giuliani

We need a president who has experience running a large, unwieldy government. Like the Empire. "Hey, they said it was unmanageable, ungovernable... a large majority wanted to leave and live somewhere else," his campaign ads say. Well, Giuliani certainly turned things around... he built the Death Star! "By the time I left office," he continues, "the Death Star was the best example of conservative government in the galaxy!" Some folks might disagree with his foreign policy, though, consisting as it does of pretty much blasting whole planets into rubble.





Whobacca

Mrrrrrawwwwkkk!!!! Gronnnnkkkk!!! Mrran... wua ga ma uma ahuma ooma. "Whobacca?!?!"... GRONK! "Gravelbacca!!!" Hnn-rowr yrroonn nng rarrr






Mitt Skywalker

Not quite as pretty as J'han Solo. But pretty. Kind of like how Aragorn was never quite as pretty as Legolas, except different. Anyway, Mitt's biggest appeal is that he's the likeable doofus scampering around the galaxy in search of himself, always haunted by the spectre of his father. On the downside, he's so conflicted it's hard to know where his true allegiances lie... he's infatuated with his own twin sister, he listens to apparitions of old men, he preaches religious tolerance... but only for those who believe in The Force. Sort of gives the impression he's been knocked off his Tauntaun a few too many times.





onward!






Princess Leia Orbama of Alderaan, IL

A young idealist constantly criticized for her "inexperience", Senator Leia Orbama once faced down Lord Vader with "Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold... and so stupid." Pwned! Ultimately might make a good team with J'han Solo, if they can get past their differences of opinion. Orbama shows pragmatism, thoughtfulness, and excellent presentation at official ceremonies, and yet can be a ruthless tactician and even a commando when the sitch requires it. A long experience in grassroots organization (on Endor), and also, pretty.

I cn haz Bootz. O yes.



WicketHuckabee

Wicket Huckabee

Speaking of Endor, that sort of weird foresty place where the Ewoks frolic and enjoy each other's company, right-to-work laws, and a ban on gay marriage, who'd have ever thought Wicket, a Republican true believer in The Force, could ever have risen to lead such a traditionally Democratic tribe? I mean, it's inspirational that he lost 105 pounds (he only weighs about 45 now!) and plays the bass, but can you really imagine introducing him to the UN General Assembly? "Ladies and Gentlemen, President Wicket!" How ridiculous. I don't think so.



VirtuallyUnknown

Duncan Biggs Hunter Darklighter

Certainly the candidate with the most dramatic name, unfortunately this veteran congressman and member of the Armed Services Committee hates women and loves the unborn. Also known as "Red Three"; George Lucas doesn't really give us much more to go on, except for a vague homoerotic testimonial offered by Skywalker, who says (huskily) "We're a couple of shooting stars, Biggs, and we'll never be stopped." O rly?

Seriously, look it up in the book... it's near the end.




Nute Dodd-Gunray

Not to be confused with Newt Gunray, who isn't running, Nute Dodd-Gunray is primarily backed by the financial services industry, which he also just happens to regulate as chairman of the Trade Federation.
Hmmm. Interesting.

Did you know he also dated Carrie Fisher for a while? For realio. She dumped his ass.






Obi-ron Paul-obi

Widely respected for his stubborn belief that the whole universe should be run just like his neighborhood on the backwater planet Tatooine, Obi-ron spends a lot of time wistfully remembering the Old Republic. He practices a peculiar interpretation of The Force, in which reducing government to only local control and returning to the gold standard is the answer. Obi-ron reluctantly returned the contributions of the Tusken Raiders and Jawas, whose politics of ethnic slaughter and droid slave trade he justifies as "states rights". While his anti-Empire foreign policy excites the Rebel Alliance, it's pretty much a Jedi mind trick. He's still a crazy old guy living in the desert.



Le FettLe Fred

Boba Fredtt

A fearsome enforcer for sale to the highest bidder, there's a reason they kept Boba Fredtt in the background and didn't let him talk for all that time. It turns out that when you give him a microphone and encourage him to take a bigger role, he's actually kind of dim and boring, even with a kick-ass spacesuit. Remember, when he was on Jabba's sand yacht, a temporarily blinded Solo whacked him with a stick, ignited his rocket pack, and sent him hurtling into the mouth of the Sarlacc monster. Hey, if Solo can humiliate him while blinded, do you really want him as your nominee? Embarrassing, right?

DoucheBag

Tom TanGreedo

Meh, TanGreedo was a xenophobic freak who got wiped out early. Don't need to worry about him.



Jar Jar Kucinich

Nuff said.

Okay, really unfair. But remember how the Gungans were sort of these peacenik bumbly guys who sent Jar Jar to represent them in the Republic Government and then he sort of inadvertently started the Clone Wars or something? Kucinich actually admitted to believing in UFOs, man. I mean, everyone believes, but you don't go around admitting it.




SeeJoe Threepio

See, the funny thing about Cjoe3PO is that he'd probably make a pretty good leader. The Ewoks thought he was a god, remember? He's smart, informed, an excellent protocol droid, but he annoys the crap out of everyone because you can't shut him up. Still, he's been around since Episode I and looks pretty impressive when he gets all shined up. We could do worse. And what would be more kick-ass than Vice President Artoo? A mega-improvement, I'm just sayin'





Hillando Clintrissian

Here's the thing. The Millenium Falcon was hers to begin with. She only lost it to Bill on a bet. Then she got caught up in that whole Cloud City thing in the Bespin system, which proved she could govern, I guess, but she's kinda hoping you won't remember that she totally sold out the Rebels to Darth Vader. That's how J'han Solo wound up encased in Carbonite and Leia ended up in a bikini on a chain. Hmmm. Actually, not so bad! And Hillando did do some nifty piloting against the New and Improved Death Star. Didn't she also record "Caribbean Queen (No More Love On The Run)"?



The thing that scares me is when you talk to her staff, they're like totally dedicated, but kinda scary. Everybody says how Hillando demands their loyalty and efficiency. All we all going to end up being taken over by our Bluetooths? Isn't this getting a little close to Borg territory, which would be a radically different story? Hillando... I just don't know.

Well, that pretty much wraps it up from here. Unfortunately, my favorite candidate isn't running.

"Do or do not... there is no try."

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."

"Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things."

"Named must your fear be before banish it you can."




Vote.

best of craigslist : Star Wars Guide to the Candidates

Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

Just watched the Ohio debate. Dismal.
Hilde sidestepped every issue again. The best was slipping away from answering where she got the $5mil from her own funds. Declaring it? If I am the nominee. Crock.
Obama looked like he was ready to keel over from the mega flu bug; could hardly keep his eyes open and kept lacing his fingers to regain strength. Give him credit, he had good retorts.
They do their healthcare schemes and all the docs will run away, like they did in Canada. Sure, healthcare is good, but you have to pay the white coats who probly paid at least half a mil to get their education.
Obama slipped into his wife lingo -- gonna, gotta, more sick, more...something, forget. The guy was really ill. More credit to him for handling the whole debate.

So, was it a tie, Jet, in your opinion?

I forgot who you're for, if you're for anyone.

The pundits claim no bad miss-steps were made by Obama, so it should keep him solid, as he's gaining in the polls nationwide, and in particular, in Ohion and Texas.

Originally Posted by Jet Gorgon

Aren't you guys glad I'm covering the personal details for ya?

Yes and thanks.

Being a lefty will not be a problem for Obama but anything with the word left associated with McCain could have a political backlash!

Originally Posted by Milkman

I am biased, but I thought Hillary didn't make any new points.

She didn't and after all the speeches and debates I doubt either her or Obama can or would make any new points. Hillary's campaign started with the assumption she was a shoe in for the nomination and the underlying theme was "experience". 20/20 hindsight makes it clear she and her advisor's underestimated Obama's ability to deliver his message of "change" and the real sense of the voters that change is needed. All she can do from this point forward is stay the course she has set. Obama on the other hand need make no new points as the one that has propelled him into his winning position is working.

Can you imagine how sick the candidates are of campaigning? but they deserve it.

Now O and H are saying they're going to renege on or "renegotiate" (!) the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) with their largest trading partner, Canada, and Mexico.

Wait a second, can/should/might the US withdraw unilaterally from an agreement as large as this? I think the candidates are talking through their hats just to get votes.

I don't think the US business community and its army of lobbyists are going to let any administration lose preferential access/control of:

- Canadian oilsands
- Mexican corn
- a dispute-resolution mechanism that frequently rules in US favour

Could it be the 20,000 or so layoffs in Ohio in recent years have something to do with it?

John McCain, to his credit, has scoffed at such a politically-transparent, policy-of-the-moment, which will no doubt be forgotten once in office; undoing a major trade agreement is no minor task.

NAFTA was a big deal in Canada before it was signed; since then the Canadian economy has become more diversified and is actually less tied to the US.

H & O have to be careful, in their current manic zeal for delegates, not to trip over their tongues...

Canadian memo recounts Obama adviser's meeting

Updated Mon. Mar. 3 2008

Sen. Barack Obama's campaign was thrown on the defensive today after a memo surfaced showing the U.S. presidential candidate's senior economic policy adviser told Canadian diplomats that Obama's call to renegotiate NAFTA was only campaign rhetoric.

The Canadian memo supports what CTV News reported exclusively last week, that Obama adviser Austan Goolsbee assured Canadian officials that the senator's tough talk on the North American Free Trade deal should not be taken seriously by the Harper government.

"Noting anxiety among many U.S. domestic audiences about the U.S. economic outlook, Goolsbee candidly acknowledged the protectionist sentiment that has emerged, particularly in the Midwest, during the primary campaign,'' said the memo.

"He cautioned that this messaging should not be taken out of context and should be viewed as more about political positioning than a clear articulation of policy plans.''

The memo is the first documentation to emerge publicly out of a meeting that CTV reported on between Goolsbee and the Canadian consulate in Chicago. But the memo's contents are being disputed by Goolsbee.

On Monday, Obama's Democratic rival Sen. Hillary Clinton held up the memo as evidence of doublespeak, saying it shows Obama's campaign was giving Canadians "the old wink-wink" about North American free trade.

"I don't think people should come to Ohio and tell the people of Ohio one thing and then have your campaign tell a foreign government something else behind closed doors," Clinton said in a statement.

"That's the kind of difference between talk and action and that I've been pointing out in this campaign."

The debate over NAFTA emerged after both Obama and Clinton took aim at the North American Free Trade Agreement in a Democratic presidential candidates' debate last Tuesday.
Obama said he would use the agreement's six-month cancellation clause as a leveraging tool to renegotiate it.

"I think we should use the hammer of a potential opt out as leverage to ensure that we actually get labour and environmental standards that are enforced," he said.

Prior to Obama's comments on NAFTA, Clinton said she would also opt out of the trade agreement unless it was renegotiated.

When asked if she felt the agreement was a mistake, she said, "NAFTA was a mistake to the extent that it did not deliver on what we hoped it would."

CTV also reported last week that sources said the Clinton campaign has made indirect contact with the Canadian government, trying to reassure Ottawa of their support despite Clinton's words. The Clinton camp denied the claim.

The Canadian embassy has denied it was ever called by either the Clinton or Obama camps.

more at: CTV.ca | Canadian memo recounts Obama adviser's meeting

"If Obama can't handle a goody two shoes country like Canada how the heck is he going to deal with Iran, Syria, China, Russia, France and other countries that have a somewhat higher level of difficulty? . . . This is like watching someone get bucked off one of the coin op kiddies horses they have at the supermarket."

Instapundit.com


No shit...

It's a trade issue, what does

Syria

have to do with it?

McCain doesn't want to renegotiate NAFTA, does that make him a patsy, too?

The issue is how good America's word is after they've signed an international trade deal after many months of negotiation.

I found this comment interesting:

The interesting thing to me about this whole episode seems to be that both the Obama and Clinton comments are, in essence, saying that they absolutely DO intend to be protectionist, anti-trade presidents if elected. And both seem to be more stridently painting themselves into this corner as the charges and counter-charges are thrown around.

Neither candidate has the least intention of renegotiating NAFTA, imho (in addition to the more pressing concerns of healthcare, immigration, the war(s) and the faltering economy). Obama's camp blundered and got caught.