US Presidential election-A suggestion.

[jizzybloke]

Barack Obama has not lived up to expectations (who could have) but has also failed to stimulate or really lead his country as President. The Republican contenders are all weak - Mitt Romney is probably the "inevitable nominee" but doesn't have strong support, Herman Cain, Rick Perry and Michelle Bachmann are all Tea Party "lite" candidates and only, marginally, less acceptable than Sarah Palin. So what to do - and old ex-pat SCottish friend who has lived in the US for over 25 years has suggested repealing the 1776 Declaration of Independence, as follows:


To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and once you've managed to beat Zimbabwe, you can start to play Test cricket which is an international sport.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

[S Landreth]

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

agreed

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.

Go fuck yourself. In fact the third game of the 2011 World Series starts in just a little bit. Go here: St. Louis Cardinals Radio Stations - Listen Online

pick a station and listen online

[blue]

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

can we trust her to stay sober enough to get it right ?

[misskit]

^Does she really smoke? Or is photoshopped?

Never mind. I see now the bottom of the photo.

[splitlid]

i dont think queenie has ever been to the rovers.

[misskit]

to the rovers

What's the rovers? I don't reckon she would wear black fingernails either.

[socal]

Barack Obama has not lived up to expectations (who could have)

People with some common sense had no expectations for a 2 term Senator with no real experience in anything.

Anyone can beat this socialist fool.

[Bettyboo]

^ notice, we don't want Canada back...

[Rigsby]

^Does she really smoke? Or is photoshopped?

Never mind. I see now the bottom of the photo.

No,although she is often seen wearing faux leopard skin attire,while brazenly
showing of,what remains of the crown jewels around her neck.

[socal]

^ notice, we don't want Canada back...

as if...

and if you got it you would be too brain dead to extract the resources from it. Just like you are too brain dead to drill for oil in Alaska.

[Moonraker]

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs,

Must disagree there.

Cups are useless, a couple of sips and it's gone.

[Bettyboo]

^ excellent comments, well thought through. Good job.

Now, back to the fat ladyboys my lad... Remember, it's rude not to swallow...

[socal]

^ excellent comments, well thought through. Good job.

Now, back to the fat ladyboys my lad... Remember, it's rude not to swallow...

what a refute.

No wonder Obama got elected.... Dumbshits like you decided to vote for the first time in their lives.

[Marmite the Dog]

To be honest, the UK's politicians are just as useless as the American ones, so I can't see it'd make much difference. The only point I do agree with are the outlawing of the crap American sports.

[Boon Mee]

The only point I do agree with are the outlawing of the crap American sports.

Steady on there Marmite!

With the demise of ASN on True, thought you'd be a happier camper?

As someone else recently said - watching 90 min of English Premier Soccer is painful. Like watching "Keep Away"...

[Bettyboo]

^ excellent comments, well thought through. Good job.

Now, back to the fat ladyboys my lad... Remember, it's rude not to swallow...

what a refute.

No wonder Obama got elected.... Dumbshits like you decided to vote for the first time in their lives.

"refute"... steady on fella or you'll give yourself an aneurysm...

Well, if the proposal in this thread does go to plan then I'll soon get voting rights, which will be nice.

[Marmite the Dog]

With the demise of ASN on True, thought you'd be a happier camper?

I don't care either way as I never watched it.

watching 90 min of English Premier Soccer is painful

The EPL is about as English as the NFL and just as tedious to watch.

[IceSpike]

NFL UK Dates Confirmed Until 2011

Wembley was chosen to host the second regular season game to be played outside of North America after impressing NFL bosses in hosting the Giants v Dolphins game in 2007. The NFL have confirmed that the UK will host at least one regular season game for three seasons, starting with the New Orleans Saints versus the San Diego Chargers in October 2008 and running through to the 2011 season, which will see the Tampa Bay Buccaneers take on the Chicago Bears.
With the popularity of American Football in the UK and Europe bigger than ever before, demand for has surpassed all expectations with over half a million people having applied for tickets for the previous games.

[IceSpike]

Bears withstand pesky Buccaneers' late rally

WEMBLEY, England --Matt Forte ran for 145 yards and one touchdown, and the Chicago Bears held on to beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 24-18 on Sunday in the fifth annual NFL regular-season game at Wembley Stadium.
Jay Cutler threw for 226 yards and one TD, and the Bears (4-3) intercepted four Josh Freeman passes to win their second game in a row.
The Bucs (4-3) lost for the second time in three years in London.
Tampa Bay scored two touchdowns in the fourth quarter to pull within three points. But after a 25-yard field goal by Chicago's Robbie Gould, Freeman threw an interception to D.J. Moore with 37 seconds left.
Attendance was 76,981.
Vote Dr Ron Paul...