Luck or Destiny - Who Knows

[somtamslap]

4 'O Clock in the morning and for once I wasn't woken by the ungodly, tone deaf squawks of roosters, no, they were at it, but I've channelled my subconcious into a 'no clucking zone' and can quite easily mould the halfhearted cockadoodles to merge into my dreams..Example: say I'm getting felated by Cheryl Cole, she kind of grows a crest and starts gobbling during the nosh...not an ideal set of circumstances, but it's tiding me over for the time being..

No, this morning I was woken by what felt like a tsunami occuring in my large intestines. The rumbling was so violent that the foundations of my house rattled ever so slightly. I SPRINTED to the bog, cursing just about everything I saw..'what the fuck are you looking at you bastard wardrobe?'..and landed on the toilet where I spent some 15 minutes ridding myself of last nights dinner; that's the last time I go to THAT market stall!!

Stomach still in a fragile state, I boarded my motorcycle and set off for work. Obviously boarding one's bike is a manouver which, if you can pinch a few inches (or feet) from your stomach, puts a little strain on one's lower garments..so 'ping' went the fastener of my trousers..brilliant, strike two..

No time to change (the belt should conceal that little mishap) I set fire to a length of tobbaco and tore out of my drive way, feeling somewhat despondent.

It was some 10 minutes into the journey when a violent tickling sensation at the back of my throat caused me to vigorously cough..now, this isn't so bad I hear you reason, everyone coughs do they not??

Yes, well, everyone does..but not everyone is the proud owner of a fake tooth mounted on a plate which flew out of my mouth with the force of the cough..and guess what?
There was a friendly articulated lorry behind me who was kind enough to smash the fucking thing into pieces.

So, here I am, a big hole on my face, trousers round my ankles, perpetually in need of a shit..

Ho hum..s'all fun..

[bobo746]

havin no luck at all mate i'd stay of that bike

[somtamslap]

i'd stay of that bike

I think you're right you know, it's that FUCKING bike again isn't it..

It's offcially on the market..don't worry, I'll get an exorcist on the case before I sell it.

[Bettyboo]

No matter how innocent or internal it seems - don't fart, even a little squeek could let a torrent of last night's dinner out...

Also, I can't see you getting home on ya bike without shatting yourself, so you'd best get all you can out before the ride home!

[somtamslap]

Also, I can't see you getting home on ya bike without shatting yourself

It's all about sphincter control in such situations..

anyway, the storm appears to be subsiding, for now..haven't BEEN for 20 minutes or so.

[Thetyim]

^

[somtamslap]

I was thinking more along the lines of..



+

[bobo746]

a bit drastic mate maybe a change of diet.less alcohol maybe i know after i been on the piss its spray the bowl time.

[Bettyboo]

Papilion has a few of these he might lend you:

[bobo746]

and in different sizes.

[somtamslap]

jeeez, chap..why not just go the whole hog and stick a pic of dildo up..

Nope, I belive the storms been weathered..but I'm gonna have a light lunch at 11 at see what's what..

[bobo746]

lol what not keen on a bit of bling for the ring mate.

[somtamslap]

The ring's solely for depositing chips, curry and ale into the carsy..although the queer amongst would tell you other wise..