Bribing Thai Police

[dirtydog]

Which is the worst area when you have to bribe these mafia scum?

Now from my experiances Bangkok tollway is the worst, they will blantantly lie to you in the hope of getting some dosh out of you, I have had them tell me that they have caught me on speed camera doing 140km when I was actually doing 180km, got to admit I fell for that one and paid the scumbag the bribe, then last week I learnt, 20km traffic jam on the tollway with topspeeds of 80km and I got this Thai policeman telling me they caught me at 120km, he even held his phone up in his hand as if that was proof, obviously I wasn't going to pay him just cos he thought he had a good lie going so in the end he told me to fok off, so after all this time I am pretty good at being pulled up by these lieing scum that they call policemen here, so here's a few tips and tricks so you don't get extorted by these scumbags.

First off you really do need a Bangkok plate on your car, soon as they see your out of town they start dribbling and getting greedy, second always stay in the far right hand side lane going thru tollways, they may have seen your plate but they will be endangering their own lives trying to get to you to extort some money from you, some of the tollways they will have police about 100 yards up the road, tag onto a car on your left and hide behind him and accelerate as you get to the point, this makes it too dangerous for the pig to run out into the road if he see's your out of town plate or see's that you are not Thai.

Only ever carry an out of date license, you do not need a current one, they will ask why you don't have your current one but can't do anything about it, this put's you in a real good position as the old one is just junk and they can stick it up their assess for all you care, they will start asking you if you know where the pig station is and just keep saying ,"Yeah No Problem", this put's erm off a bit as they wont get the dosh, ok they get a shared small percentage but some stoopid foks give erm like 1,000baht per time on the tollway.

If you have done wrong only pay at most 200baht bribe, this they will accept eventually, they don't like it cos we are all supposedly rich, but fok me if all you got to loose is an out of date license why worry about it, I have noticed that the Police are now quite scared of taking bribes into their hands and the cnut that got me on Saturday made me put the money on the chair, yep Bangkok scumbag pig cos I was using the bus lane cos cars and that weren't allowed down there.

Another bad area is highway 36 on the way to Chonburi, now these guys are real scum and just ask you for money, not even a mention of doing anything wrong, they just want some money, these scum aint even worth talking to, the last one just lent in the window of my car and started patting my bumbag, yep chonburi cops are just scum, just tell erm to fok off if your completely legal.

[daveboy]

Thanks for sharing these tips will save me a few hundred baht next time I,m driving north from Bangers

[MeMock]

cut and pasted from a different thread of mine.

What was then so funny was immediately the traffic started moving and I realised I was in the wrong lane and had to change rather quicky so as to turn right onto petchaburi. turning the corner a policeman waved me down and said it was illegal. A long converstaion started between wife and pig after he discovered I didnt have my license with me. Wife told him that our baby was sick and we were taking her to a hospital (a lie) but he wouldnt budge. He wanted 400 baht and that was that. 300 baht later i drive off and manage to get the 200 meteres along the road and get into the right hand lane to go onto the road that leads past central and if you go straight ahead you end up on lang suan. You wouldnt believe it but another pig pulls me over and tells me that only cars coming off the overpass can turn right there! Well my wife goes right off at him telling him about the other copper etc etc and literally throws 100 baht at him and with a few choice words we drive off.

[mrsquirrel]

Kabin Buri is bad for it.

A while back the missus and I went up there and got stopped at a check point. I had been ragging it and it was a fair stop, he said Iwas going 123km/h when I had been going about 140 so it was fair enough.

I was happy to go to the police station to pay the 400 rather than lining his pockets. The bugger though kept us back and started asking me and the missus questions about where we were going and what we were upto.

Told him we were off up to meet some of our biker mates and have dinner with them. He got a bit excited about this and asked about who they were. We told him Pee Sep (he knew Pee Sep told my missus about how he was a little trouble maker when he was younger) then the missus told him Pee Ot, thepoliceman then looked worried. Pee Ot the policeman he asked, so the missus pulled out his busines card to show him it was the same one.

He called up Pee Ot and spoke to him. The policeman in boken English then asked me whilst talking to Pee Ot had I been driving too fast. SO I said yes. The policeman then said to the missus that Pee Ot said to stop driving so fast and to slow down it's not safe

I was then handed the phone and Ot said give they guy 200B to buy him and is mates lunch and slow down it's not safe on that stretch of road to drive too fast.

**** that he is. When we arrived at the party for dinner he was nearly pissing himself laughing about it with everybody.

[massagelondon]

one of my cousins hangs a military uniform (no, he is not a soldier anymore) on his seat and wears dark glasses - the policeman would think twice before stopping his corrupted competitors from a military gang.

corrupted cops do come sometimes handy - my credit card was charged without my authorisation (they just known my card number from the bank statement and asked me for an expiration date of my card) by the visa layers. A few visits to their office and promisses resulted in nothing. So I went with a cop (friend of my friend) and the money was returned in cash - with a backhand of some 3 000 baht.

it's good to know some cops around - they might be usuful in trouble

[MeMock]

Mmmm I don't know any cops - perhaps I should.

Might be a good business opp here. www.hireathaicopfortheday.com

[kingwilly]

talk to them in english really fast - they generally get embarrased and tell u to piss off...

[diaw]

I call my attorney & hand the phone back to the copper... Generally doesn't take long & I'm on my way... Not often they bother to stop me on my way to/from work anymore...

[RandomChances]

Actually very good tips by DD, we've got BKK plates for the car as they even stop the Thai "out of towners". I've gone now that if I have'nt actually done something wrong I just don't pay them. I'll just stay there argue, offer to go to the police station whatever.
If you get stoped and have'nt done anything wrong ask to see their ID card, usually they won't want to show you and tell you to go anyway. I did this once and was writing his police number on a piece of paper, the guy was very unhappy about it, when he asked why I just smiled at him and told him it was for my friend....I gave him the paper, he let me go

If I have been going something wrong I just pay the 200 bhat...it a fair cop and all that, if I have'nt fuck em

[peterpan]

I drive a lot so I get stopped often even though I am very rarely breaking the law as these days in less of a hurry. So I just argue with them until they realise that this Farang is not in a donating mood. My only real crime is that I use a Aust driving licence, been expired for 3 years. The dumb fvckers have NEVER caught on to this even though the licence in big letters says expiry date 2003. After my recent experiences I can't stand being near the filthy cvnts. Despite this I am happy to argue all day rather than feed them pig food.

[Rigger]

Have been pulled over about 5 times here in Isan for mainly speeding and ones for running a red light. Only payed twice and that was 100bht each time. The drink driving stops make me laugh they put a tent up and ever one sits under it and gets drunk. Plus all they do is talk to you if you can speak well they recon you are good enough to drive.

[William]

The best one that ever happened to me was driving back from Pattaya to Bangkok on the elevated highway.

Now, on this road you don't pay the toll when you join. Nope, you're given a card that tells how far you have been and you pay at the end. When I reached the end, cop says to me that I have been speeding, which I had. However, I was not going to just rollover and pay, so I argue that I had not been speeding and could he please prove his unfounded allegation. Yep, says he, the time on the card when I joined the elevated expressway and the time when I got to the end of the elevated expressway meant only one thing - I had been speeding. Bang to rights, no way out of this.

A few months later I'm telling this story to my friend, so that he is careful when he next goes on the elevated expressway. "What the hell are you talking about William", says he, "they don't clock times on those cards"

[kingwilly]

my mate used to use his geelong football club membership card as his licence......

[William]

^I used my missus DL. She was most pissed off as they put points on her license

[t.s]

the last one just lent in the window of my car and started patting my bumbag, yep chonburi cops are just scum, just tell erm to fok off if your completely legal.

avoiding all the potential homophobic humour in this statement just let me say:

i think it is the bumbag that is doing you in. in fact in civilised society they are illiegal unless you are a german tourist.

try ditching it. your life will improve

[kingwilly]

the last one just lent in the window of my car and started patting my bumbag, yep chonburi cops are just scum, just tell erm to fok off if your completely legal.

avoiding all the potential homophobic humour in this statement just let me say:

i think it is the bumbag that is doing you in. in fact in civilised society they are illiegal unless you are a german tourist.

try ditching it. your life will improve

agreed. but DD has started whole threads about how cool bumbags are.... that and pink hand bags!

[MeMock]

my mate used to use his geelong football club membership card as his licence......

GEELONG??? I would have fined him double!

Do they have points on drivers licenses in thailand?

[ChiangMai noon]

How much do you think permanant police protection would cost.
A half decent policeman with not too many drink or drug problems.
Any ball park figures, thanks.

[William]

MM, yep they have points on licenses here. I know, because my missus has 8 - none of which are her fault

[klongmaster]

I've been driving in Bkk for ten years...adding to DD's tips...

1. If they stop me I never pull off the road...stop in the lane...it causes a traffic jam and they don't keep you long...


2. NEVER give police you licence...the law requires that you show it...thus I only open the window a fraction and show him through the window...also I always keep me licence in the part of my wallet that is designed for photos - you know, the part where Thai girls always have a pic of themselves! - this way I can show the licence without have to place it in his hand...

most of the time they wave you on if you make the process difficult for them...

3. but the most important thing...NEVER SPEAK THAI to the police...why do you want to make it easy for them...

[William]

4. keep your thousands and 500s in a money-clip and your 100s and less in your wallet.

[Thetyim]

NEVER SPEAK THAI to the police...

Yes, I agree.

I only speak fast english when stopped.

My wife is under instructions to say that she only met me 5 minutes ago and doesn't speak any english.

[diaw]

2. NEVER give police you licence...the law requires that you show it...thus I only open the window a fraction and show him through the window...also I always keep me licence in the part of my wallet that is designed for photos - you know, the part where Thai girls always have a pic of themselves! - this way I can show the licence without have to place it in his hand...

100% agreed... The first & last time I ever let a Thai copper touch my licence he took it & wouldn't give it back. I refused to be bribed & went to the local copshop. Went 100 questions with the top copper in Thai & English until we sorted everything out.

They are all as bent as a used nail... to the very top... The whole police station was in hysterics when the falang enquired if the Thai coppers only stopped me because they thought I was a rolling ATM?

That's why I now resort to calling my attorney instead of bargaining with scum.

Anyway after that police-station incident, the local coppers simply wave me on with a smile & cheery 'Hello... Hello...'

[Spin]

I agree with the general opinion on here that these guys are idiots.

What I will add is something that nobody else has said and that is they are a hell of a lot less hassle than the ones at home.
The Uk police are a right bunch of fuckers and when they get hold of you for drink driving they want to ruin your entire life for it.

Where I live I never get hassled by cops, and when i do i just speak English and act stupid as them, which i am more than capable of.

[Skulldigger]

I just give them a kick in the balls each, throw a bunch of twenty baht notes out the windows and drive off into the sunset.