Neighbour .vs. Neighbour

[The Fresh Prince]

Here's the scenario, (its a brand new moo baan and I was the first person here)

I moved into a new moo baan a few weeks ago and my next door neighbors moved in half an hour ago.

Now I met them a few weeks back and we explained that we have three dogs that could eat their little yapping dog for breakfast. They said "fine our dogs will learn to be friends"

Cool I thought but they just moved in and their little shit of dog hasn't shut up for over an hour (mine haven't peeped, they must know i'm telling a story).

So I went round and offered to take my dogs for a walk with their dog (one at a time) so that they could become friends.

They flat out refused.

So the wife and I watched tv at half volume so as not to be rude. (my surround sound could kick them into next wee if I turned it up)

Now its time for bed they've got the tv on full volume that can be heard from the 3rd floor bedroom, with their front door wide open.

So I went round again and asked if they could close their front door.

"NO"

Let me give you a picture of the the couple. She's a white skinned fairy thats never worked and he's a dorked out over weight computer programmer of a husband with big rimmed glasses who steps on the back of his shoes to make them easier to get in and out of.

They both look so meek that I can't believe they are such [at][at][at][at] faces.

Help me Teakdoor, what do I do?

Do I release the hounds and let the authorities deal with the mess or do I put my foot down and smack the shit outta this dude right now before he gets any soap opera dreams in his head. His mum can only save him tonight, she'll be gone tomorrow.

WHERE"S POOLY!!!!!

[jizzybloke]

molotov cocktail and blame the protesters!

[StrontiumDog]

Lob an M79 grenade their way, they're all the rage at the moment....

[The Fresh Prince]

I'm not a red shirt!!

for gods sake, you guys have become too militarized!

[dirtydog]

I've always believed if your going to ask your neighbour to do something it is best to put a gun on the table and then discuss it.

[helge]

Sorry for you and wife. That must be a bummer having non-friendlies moving in next door

[helge]

^^ So you sorted out your trash problems with Snowwhite ?

[dirtydog]

he's a few doors down, still waiting for him to pop round for a little chat.

[dirtydog]

Should add, going to somebodies house and beating the shit out of them with a baseball bat or whatever will land you in jail, beating the shit out of some cnut that comes round your house is okay though.

[larvidchr]

Welcome to the world of unbearable neighbours, been there done that, only once though but that is one time to many, in the end had to dispatch him to the emergency room at BPH to be left alone

Good luck FP, a song to boost your resolve before the battle, -

[larvidchr]

Should add, going to somebodies house and beating the shit out of them with a baseball bat or whatever will land you in jail, beating the shit out of some cnut that comes round your house is okay though.

thats the trick, FP invite him over for a beer and then thump him while you scream help help

[Overman]

Without being seen, cut off the electricity to their house.

Repeat as necessary.

[Loy Toy]

ACDC...........FOOKING HIGHWAY TO HELL



every night for a week should sort things out.

[slackula]

1)Tell them to turn it down

2)Call the police and file a complaint. It won't have much effect but it will go on record and help you in the future when you claim temporary insanity as defense in the murder trial.

[dirtydog]

thats the trick, FP invite him over for a beer and then thump him while you scream help help

It really is that easy when you got some fat abusive american cnut shouting for you to come down, you go down and whack the cnut down, he hasn't got a complaint.

[dirtydog]

I got a nice mental list, there are 2 I will shoot and kill if I see outside my house, there are about 4 I will just try to beat the fuck out of, the 2 have both issued death threats so my killing them is justified, the others will be a bit of hit and miss.

[nedwalk]

I think its time you had a 'TD' house warming party, invite yer neighbours and we can tell what cnuts they are and how they should behave, but don,t invite LARS cause he,s a stroppy bastard and more than likely will cause trouble

[sunsetter]

this thread has great potential, and we all like a piccy FP

[Jet Gorgon]

Ask nicely for them to contain themselves. If they don't:
Wait til they go to bed and turn your music on.
Get your dogs to poo outside their gate.
Cook up some real vile smelling Thai food outside near their open windows.
Have Thai friends over for late night karaoke.
I can send you some real nice military posters to put up facing their windows.

[Loy Toy]

I think its time you had a 'TD' house warming party,

No fooking fun Neddy.

He falls over pissd about 8pm and we would all have to go over next door........Maybe a good idea after all.

[ItsRobsLife]

[Travelmate]

Been there myself. Even got dragged to the Police station to cool off for a couple of hours.
I broke his front window trying to get in to kill the muthafacka!
This was in the UK.
Best thing to do is bide the time, hope someone else will pick the shitfest for you.
Meanwhle you will present yourself as an outstanding citizen of the local community.

[kingwilly]

ACDC...........FOOKING HIGHWAY TO HELL



every night for a week should sort things out.

Don't think I know that particular song, but sounds like a plan to me!

[FailSafe]

1. You'll learn to live with each other
2. You'll move
3. They'll move

One of the above three things will most likely happen (#2 or #3 if a physical confrontation actually comes about)- that's how it works with shitty neighbors- there's almost never an amicable solution.

[Marmite the Dog]

You should ask him over to your place and give him one punch in the mouth to let him know you aren't fucking about. Thais are cowardly little shits, so you'll get no more trouble from him.