Variation in Pond Life

[Missismiggins]

I took my son swimming today, we used to go to this place a while back. It was never cheap, they charged 50baht for kids and 100 for adults. It is like some Chalet hotel, where guests rent rooms in old tobacco curing house for 4500 baht per night.

They have a swimming pool, it's not big but the water is clean.

However, near the Jacuzzi section they have a load of broken tiles, to which the scars on my feet bare testament.

The owner is some mad millionaire, he basically pays money to these staff to stand around all day with no customers.

The place is empty!

Normally we are the only two in the pool all day.

Recently the rules changed, I think he wanted to stop any Tom Dick or Somchai coming in, so instead of charging the 100/50 baht a go, you had to join a club, where you paid 500 Baht for kids and 1000 for adults, but you got 11 sessions for this, kind of a 10% discount and it seemed like an attempt to keep the filth from the door.

Previously, there would be a day that was ruined by a "SCUM RUSH" - where a family of about 30 people descended on the place, bringing their own home made Som Tam, and take over half the pool whilst paying only 50 Baht to let one of their vermin swim...this probably didn't go down too well with the 4.5K a night guests who liked a quiet swim without the Pappaya floating in the pool!

So, today we seemed to get both extremes of Thai Society, when I went their this morning, there were two lovely little kids, aged about 9, two girls, very polite, and quietly enjoying themselves.

Then there was the mother....and the grandmother, like two fucking HISO wanabees! they had originally set up camp next to the pool, they had taken over a complete table for four with their rubbish, so they then extended themselves to another table of 4 to put all their bags on, then they had taken over yet another table for 4 in the pavillion, to dump water bottles on.

When it seemed like it was time to go home, they took over yet another table to lay out their wet swimming gear, and lo and behold FATHER appeared, he had left the work to the women and went to sleep behind the toilets!

But now he was in full swing, busy on his mobile, ordering waiters around like they were dogs...Jesus what an important man.

The Noueveau Hiso brigade spent almost an hour berating and talking down to the staff as they ordered their 25 Baht Nestle Ice Creams...what a bunch, never has Napalm been better prescribed.

Then, after leaving all of their shit and garbage everywhere, they leave.

Can you believe it, it takes almost 1 hour for the fat [at][at][at][at] to do his pre flight check in his Toyota Yaris before they get take off clearance???

Can you imagine trying to hurry these people??? like in an emergency, no wonder there were loads burned alive in that night club..the fuckers simply are a bit slow.


Then after two hours of peace and quiet, the fqamily from HELL arrive, a small elephant of a girl and an undernourished baby buffalo. what a bunch of cunts!

The mother simply sat there all the time on a handphone while the kids fought screamed and battled like reptiles.

The midget boy was especially repulsive, at one point, he got out of the pool and walked near us, took a good snort and then hocked up enough phlegm to cover a pool table, and he spat it out all over the wood decking, fucking PIG!

His mother barely flinched, I only heard a mild scolding, (if it was my kid I would have kicked his ass all the way home) Sockaprock!

Then the animal family bought ice cream tubs, and sat and ate them in the pool despite the signs displayed everywhere that food and drink cannot be taken into the pool.

Then the little retard goes and drops his half eaten ice cream into the pool, and the mother semi reluctantly gets up to clean the fucking mess (By this time, me and my son are trying to decide if they are "SAT" or "Here"

Then, it starts, the little fucvking [at][at][at][at] that I would gladly roast alive, starts his fucking foul stupid fucking ignorant Thai mouth..."FARANG" FARANG...Hello Mr Farang, Farang Kee Nok...Farang Man Farang...on and on it goes for about half an hour, and the fucking idiot mother just sits and smiles, I am almost at the point of getting a hold of the [at][at][at][at], holding it in front of it' mother and asking her "IS THIS THE PRODUCT OF YOUR FUCKING IGNORANCE?"

Any way my son tells me too keep calm kind of thing, he understands what they are doing.

Anyway, later I pop off to the car to get my ciggarettes, and I can hear the little [at][at][at][at] talking like shit to my son, but the boy won't bite (I told him to just shut up and ignore the animal)

Time to leave, so we get changed and are on the way out, and this vile little [at][at][at][at] from hell makes one final comment, and I caught the last part of it being about farang being like shit again!

So I stops next to the BEAST MOTHER, and with a big smile, I ask her "EE KWAI KEE KOOUP?" She fucking nearly dropped her phone and could not even look at me, then I asked the little piece of shit floating it's pool of piss "Bak Bah Dee Ee Kwai"

It isn' often I use Thai, but it seemed to do the trick, my son understood perfectly, and pissed himself laughing all the way home!

I think he was quite pleased I didn't use the "HERE" or "SAT" as was going to but thought better of it...what disgusting ignorant fucking slaves...

My son told me later in the car that he wanted to "Wring Their fucking Necks!"

Could you imagine going swimming back home and being allowed to get away with shouting NIGGER NIGGER OR WAP WAP OR SPICK SPICK to people? these cunts need a lesson in respect and manners..fuck I would have toed him right up the arse given the chance!

[chitown]

The Noueveau Hiso brigade spent almost an hour berating and talking down to the staff

Do you speak Thai Miggs?

[DrAndy]

glad you are still enjoying life, Miggins

but really, all that hate and anger, you really need a psychologist to help you a little

[DrAndy]

Do you speak Thai Miggs?

It isn' often I use Thai

"EE KWAI KEE KOOUP?"

Bak Bah Dee Ee Kwai"

sort of

[Missismiggins]

The Noueveau Hiso brigade spent almost an hour berating and talking down to the staff

Do you speak Thai Miggs?

Only when drunk or angry or both! It actually embarrases me to try...I can be understood when I get to the point that I speak it, and yes, they usually fuck right off!

I don't speak "polite" conversational Thai, I speak only emergency Thai...when there is no alternative and the words "FUCK OFF" are not understood! I can read a fair bit, but only pronounce the words without the understanding of the meaning, frustrating again!

I understand spoken Thai more than I can speak.. which is fucking frustrating at times, I speak enough to go shopping, but not enough to be sarcastic, when needed, nor can I be subtle, and I have no place for KRENG JAI - they earn a gob full of shit they do not get a smile and some polite crap, a spade is a spade, simple as that, needless to say I don't move in a great circle of Thai friends!

My son helps me here and there as we correct each other s "Get Fucked" and "Aye Here MAH"..so we live and learn I suppose.

[Rigger]

You arent going to live long here are you ?.

[FailSafe]

I would rep you if I could, but I need to spread green around before I'm able to.

I am in awe of your most excellent rants- you display shades of my favorite author, Hunter S. Thompson (he's quoted in my signature).

[Missismiggins]

The Noueveau Hiso brigade spent almost an hour berating and talking down to the staff

Do you speak Thai Miggs?

Oh, I see, you are having some snide dig that if I don't speak Thai, then how would I understand what they were saying?

Like I say, I understand them speaking a lot more than I can actually speak, and it doesn't take a fucking brain surgeon to understand when Thais are on their little power play and demeaning their fellow slaves! They strut so well! and dressed like a fucking Easter Bunny! In fact, I can't for the life of me understand why on earth they don't hang a sign round their fucking necks with "V.I.P" on it...then there would be no doubt whatsoever!

[Missismiggins]

I would rep you if I could, but I need to spread green around before I'm able to.

I am in awe of your most excellent rants- you display shades of my favorite author, Hunter S. Thompson (he's quoted in my signature).

I am not into the red and green thing, never have been never understood it, does it get me 5 baht off a box of Chang? if not what is the point?

I like to simply post what I see here, and everyday has something worth writing about! It's a crazy place and you can see the madness all around you..at this moment, there are a bunch of lunatics 2KM across the river from me, playing music and partying at the local home for stray dogs in saffron dresses, and it is shaking my house, this has been going on for two days..is this a religious festival or an act of debauchery?

I am honoured you compare my drivel to Hunter S Thompson, I am not worthy, the only thing we have in common is the preferece for alcohol! Maybe one day I will be shot out of a Cannon. more likely shot buy some fucking Thai cop!

[slimboyfat]

Disgraceful. If my son used the 'f' word in my presence he would be in big trouble.

[Missismiggins]

Disgraceful. If my son used the 'f' word in my presence he would be in big trouble.

At what age do you find the "F" word acceptable? is there an age limit on swearing?

He will learn it as he grows up anyway, in fact I am sure he knows far worse in Thai than that...I really don't see the problem unless he uses it in innapropriate places...he wouldn't walk into a restaurant and ask for a bowl of "FUCKING "chips, he only tends to use it in appropriate situations, so, no problem as far as I am concerned, I just hope if we go to the UK that he doesn't call his Grandmother a "useless tight fisted old [at][at][at][at]" else she will know where he got it from, and it will be my ears that get slapped!

[Missismiggins]

You arent going to live long here are you ?.

If I was to be totally honest, given my love of the beer and the fags (ciggarettes not bum bandits like Ant) then I would tend to agree, I guess if I make 50 it would be a blessing, but who knows, I could have to suffer this shit till I am 70...wouldn't that be a fucking pain in the arse!

[Norton]

EE KWAI KEE KOOUP?

Bak Bah Dee Ee Kwai

You seem to have a good grasp of some of the best Lao insults.

[Bogon]

I'm with you on most of your points there Missismiggins (maybe some are a bit strong though!).
It's not really the Hi-So kids that are a pain, but the plastic wanna be Hi-So crowd that seem to have no respect for others and the kids have been instilled f**c all manners by their parents.

[slimboyfat]

^^^^ There is no age limit. Personally I think it's an act of respect to refrain from using strong language in front of your parents.

I can't remember ever using any stronger words than 'piss' or 'shit' in front of my mum and dad.

[Missismiggins]

^^^^ There is no age limit. Personally I think it's an act of respect to refrain from using strong language in front of your parents.

I can't remember ever using any stronger words than 'piss' or 'shit' in front of my mum and dad.

Piss or Shit would have got me a good hiding at 16!

I was about 21 when I first heard my old man utter the phrase "OH FUCK", and that was when he whacked a hammer on his thumb...boy did it bleed!

I must admit I laughed my arse out of the garage!

[slimboyfat]

^^^^ There is no age limit. Personally I think it's an act of respect to refrain from using strong language in front of your parents.

I can't remember ever using any stronger words than 'piss' or 'shit' in front of my mum and dad.

Piss or Shit would have got me a good hiding at 16!

I was about 21 when I first heard my old man utter the phrase "OH FUCK", and that was when he whacked a hammer on his thumb...boy did it bleed!

I'm with your old man on this one. The 'F' word should be reserved for special occasions

[Smug Farang Bore]

tried to green you miggs coz i spend alot of time listening to the rude cvnts speak about us. Me don't give a shite but when I point it out to the tribe they just say....you fulug deal with it...

[withnallstoke]

It's not really the Hi-So kids that are a pain, but the plastic wanna be Hi-So crowd that seem to have no respect for others and the kids have been instilled f**c all manners by their parents.

There's a difference?

[Bogon]

There's a difference?

Touche (the "e" needs a hyphen, but f**cked if I know how!).

[BigRed]

I don't speak "polite" conversational Thai

I never imagined you would, somehow.

[Happyman]

On the subject of understanding but not being able to speak a language - this is my experience some years ago

I understand spoken Thai more than I can speak.

Same with me - except change Thai to Mandarin !
Could never get the tones right .
Worked in a Mandarin speaking society for 5 years and lived with a Mandarin speaking ( and English speaking ) lady for 14 !
Understanding was 75% but speaking was in the region of 5% despite all her lessons- even mastered some of the script as well !
Used to go to meetings where it was agreed beforehand that the language would be English as I did not speak Mandarin .
The other side would break off and discuss their negotiating strategy - explaining that one of their side had problems with English.
I would wait patiently and alter mine to suit !
Was very successful in my work

When I finally left Taiwan there was a 'going away' dinner held for me by various companies I had dealt with during my time there.
(Glad to get rid of me I think !)

My lady coached me in a tonal perfect and polite - parrot fashion ! thankyou speech - (in Mandarin) for about 3 weeks beforehand !!

Was delivered to a shocked and silent audience, including thanks for their valuable assistance during negotiations - followed by positive proof that Chinese do have a sense of humour - was one of the best laughs I have ever had !
And - I understand - the best they had ever had !

[somtamslap]

It is without doubt very irritating..but this is the path we have chosen. Just yesterday I was in the bank and a mother and her child were sitting as I walked by to take my seat,,I heard mummy say to nipper "doo doo, farang"..not a derogatory remark by any means, but totally fucking naive on behalf of the mother..so I purposefully sat behind them for the duration of their wait to be served..the nipper would oft turn round and be greeted with some horrendous face pulling by yours truly, just backing up the stereotype..

Got to the counter and realised I'd forgotten my passport, they know me in there, after all they are the fucks that sent me all the way down to Koh Samui before they'd allow me to withdraw any cash.."No, no,no..u need passport".."you really are a useless bunch of cunts are you not"..said with the utmost decorum...play them at their own game..or ignore it..

However, the farang kee nok shit deserves and accidental elbow to the nose whilst frolicking in the pool does it not..

[Smug Farang Bore]

The ones that call us 'fulung' (Stupid) get an dig in the ribs from me but hey thay brand us all with one name so so do I...E CHANG NAM....

[Missismiggins]

On the subject of understanding but not being able to speak a language - this is my experience some years ago

I understand spoken Thai more than I can speak.

Same with me - except change Thai to Mandarin !
Could never get the tones right .
Worked in a Mandarin speaking society for 5 years and lived with a Mandarin speaking ( and English speaking ) lady for 14 !
Understanding was 75% but speaking was in the region of 5% despite all her lessons- even mastered some of the script as well !
Used to go to meetings where it was agreed beforehand that the language would be English as I did not speak Mandarin .
The other side would break off and discuss their negotiating strategy - explaining that one of their side had problems with English.
I would wait patiently and alter mine to suit !
Was very successful in my work

When I finally left Taiwan there was a 'going away' dinner held for me by various companies I had dealt with during my time there.
(Glad to get rid of me I think !)

My lady coached me in a tonal perfect and polite - parrot fashion ! thankyou speech - (in Mandarin) for about 3 weeks beforehand !!

Was delivered to a shocked and silent audience, including thanks for their valuable assistance during negotiations - followed by positive proof that Chinese do have a sense of humour - was one of the best laughs I have ever had !
And - I understand - the best they had ever had !

In Shanghai,
I worked with this lovely girl, her English name was "Joyce" ..dont ask me why!!!

But her chinese name was something like Sun Zhing, and the Chinese used to make a joke and try to teach me to call het Sun Jing Bing, which as far as I can gather, means "RETARD", for three months or more I addressed her as Sun Jing Bing, without knowing what i was saying...fuck I could have cried!