The Midnight Underwear Incident

[somtamslap]

I found myself battling with a pack of amorous hounds in nothing but a pair of Simpson's boxer shorts last night.
My mutt is on heat at the moment, so every dog in Korat wants a piece of the action and regardless of how many sexual expletives, sticks and stones are hurled, they won't get the message..which reads loud and clear..FUCK OFF AND LET ME SLEEP.

Coming between a man and his sleep is simply a wrong move, I'll allow it only from my daughter and that's a fucking close call.

My bedroom, being closest to the gate, allows all the wimpering, barking, growling and whining get right into my head. All I'm thinking about is 6.30am when the alarm will go off and I will awake and go about my day like a fucking zombie..

NO, no no no no no no NO..

Keeping a casual, respectful demeanour about my person, I stepped out of bed and hydrated myself with a few sips of water from the bottle I keep next to it, for this was going to be a stressful event(it was already, but it was gonna get worse when I woke up the whole village). Outside the back door and I collected a four foot piece of lead piping. A sturdy weapon was needed for this situation.

There were about 6 dogs loitering with intent outside the gate, one of them even had the nerve to come onto the property..I knew he had cos I could hear the sound of the 5 foot chain he was dragging around that was still attached round his collar.

Stealthily, I charged, football hooligan style. Initially the dogs legged it..a little taken a back by this white fellow in his underwear, intent on battering the fuck out of them.
They stopped in the middle of the road outside, tails up, ears up and started barking..was I scared, no I was not..I advanced on the pack going hay-maker with the piping and put my fucking shoulder out in the process..all very comical stuff...the piping out of my hand I decided to test my hand to hand combat skills..I ran at the ring leader (he of the 5 foot lead fame) and chased him back to his dwellings, where I proceeded to beat him with a cardboard box..

Anyway, now I'm famous..*ahem*

No dogs returned after that... I won the battle..but the war is still very much on..

By the way..if you ever find yourself facing a pack of dogs, don't do what I did..instead, pretend to pick something up from the floor...the results are quite remarkable.

[The Fresh Prince]

Ha ha ha ha, did the wife take any pics?

[somtamslap]

^ It was a surprise attack so she wasn't ready for it..may be video footage if it should happen again tonight..

[peterpan]

easier to purchase a BB gun, the bastards soon get the message after a few slugs in their ass.

[The Fresh Prince]

urrrrh you just gave me horrible image in my head. A dog with slugs in his ass.

[Fuzzy Bob]

I found myself battling with a pack of amorous hounds in nothing but a pair of Simpson's boxer shorts last night.

Hope Homer's nose wasn't poking out

[Mr R Sole]

At that time I doubt it....

Poison the owners and feed their remains to the dogs...
"Of course you have to pull out the teeth and shave the head, for the sake of the doggies digestion. A couple of days without food and a bunch of dead Thai's will look like a curry to a pisshead"
(Plagerisms the game here...)

I have regularly the same problem....my neighbours will sit there and allow the mutts to bark and bark...and not once say.."Nee up" I go out and shout at the fuc*ers and then the dogs!!!!


Ai Kwai....E Kwai...they hate that...(shit I don't know the correct spelling but it'll sure get the retards to chase you down the street..in the hopes of getting one of them through my gate..so I can then murder the git and claim burglary..simply defending myself officer!!!! )

[somtamslap]

Hope Homer's nose wasn't poking out

..nice one..

I'll do it with briefs on tonight just incase they try to bite me knob off..

Gotta be done in underwear..adds to the lunacy element.

[Mid]

blendenzo.com

[Mr R Sole]

One of these will be bought for you when I next see ya mate...maybe March when i come to get Fern...we can exchange shaggy dog stories...

[withnallstoke]

I found myself battling with a pack of amorous hounds in nothing but a pair of Simpson's boxer shorts last night.

Beware of dogs that wear Simpsons pants (whoever he is).

[the dogcatcher]

Try insect repelant, the one in the white bottles with the blue top. Has 15 on the label. Dogs fcjing hate it. Couple of squirts each in the face will do it.
Trust me I am "the dogcatcher"

[somtamslap]

^ Some sort of conclusive action will have to be taken if this should continue..but like I say, my dog is on heat at the moment...she's a pitbull by the way..

[Smug Farang Bore]

Nice one Mr R Sole.

[the dogcatcher]

Rub your dog's snatch with insect repelent. Don't get a hard on whilst you're doing though or you'll have to become a Buddist monk.

[Bung]

I did the same thing once, running through the teak trees in my boxers at 2 am, all flashlight and rage. My Lab never had so much fun in her life.

[melvbot]

I did the same thing once, running through the teak trees in my boxers at 2 am

teak trees in your boxers? Talk about wood! Most I ever find is the odd skid mark in mine

[somtamslap]

The neighbour with the dog who I beat with the cardboard box has finally got the message..night before last I assaulted it with 5 handfuls of gravel thrown in quick succession right in front of their eyes..he'd come on an earlier sortee than usual, around 10.30 and even though the bruises from the cardboard box must've still been throbbing terribly, it was no deterent, so I chased him back again and let loose with the gravel...

Poor fucker's tied up all the time now..you can't really win can you..

[sabang]

Did he treat you nice?

[the dogcatcher]

I see a chink open fire with a revolver at a fellow throwing stones at his dog last year in Bangkok.