The teakdoor zoo: have a look around

[DJ Pat]

If teakdoor was a zoo, and the posters here the inhabitants, then the zoo would make for an interesting place indeed.

Firstly, we arrive at the rodents enclosure, where all manner of small rodents hang out, we have here the East African hedgehog aka MeMock. He will attack then retreat and roll into a ball, thus rendering himself 100% safe from attacks. His rare forays into the forum are memorable though occasional. He enjoys taunting the wild pig of the zoo, because the pig apparently likes opera music.

The East African Hedgehog can be distinguished from all other species of hedgehogs because it lacks a hallux (1st toe) and thus has only 4 toes on the hind foot.


A rare little known fact is that Mr.Squirrell is in fact a monkey squirrell, well known for monkeying around rather than offering anything constructive and factual. His longevity is achieved by his elusiveness and ability to move around very quickly. Should the zoo be attacked by any other zoos, he'd be safely hiding at the top of the highest acorn tree.

At the water pond enclosure, these animals can be found, they are called otters and were once fondly associated with a beast who has since moved to pastures different and most certainly afar.
The otter:

This otter, however, has a very slick sense of humour, will tug at your plastic bag and generally menace you playfully. He has an excellent personality, can do somersalts and is a long way from being labelled "dull as dishwater".

Moving on, we enter the menagerie, where many of our feathered friends reside, and the first resident to come up and greet us is an emu, also known to everyone as Torbek.

A reliable old stalwart, he will stand firm and stable for whatever he believes in and can offer a decent argument should that be required of him.

Also in the same vicinity is Poolcleaner, though he is spending increasing time escaping thru the secret hole in the fence to cavort at other zoos, he's looking a little ruffled of late is the old hornbill:


Right, now into the mammal area, where our first port of call is the large cat area, where Smeg aka the leopard resides:

Well known for standing firm in his furry beliefs and religion, the leopard will steadfastedly eliminate (eat) any other animal that crosses his path.

Not far from the large cats is the monkey enclosure, where we found cantona, klongmaster and chiangmainoon larking about thinking up great put downs.:


After some refreshments at the zoo's cafeteria, we ventured on to find William aka Pinky chilling out:

The wild ass is known for getting sucked into the wrong way of thinking far too easily and hides a very adventurous past. His hooved limbs prevent him from using an iron, though a customized iron is available, his field has no electrical power points.

Moving on, we enter the enclosure where the most interest is currently generated: The panda cage, where thousands of animal enthusiasts gather with the feint hope that they will catch a glimpse of these two beasts having sex. Sightings are rare and the two play along to the attention they get, "leading on" many observers.

Marmite


Goddess Of Whatever

After a tea break and a packet of rich tea biscuits (yes we live the high life) we find the bear enclosure and are very surprised to see him up and about, as he is usually vegetating after a hard day's work.

Wally Durian Raffles after being promised a bunch of bananas earlier today. Not too far away his mate Magpie has just recently been transferred here from an Auatrailian zoo. Though he had imbibed a few too many lagers when we asked him to say cheese today:



We moved along at a slow pace and found ourselves at the canine section of the zoo. Expecting to find dirtydog dictating things in this area, he was nowhere to be found. We did find a great impersonator of the dog in the shape of some ajarns here on an excahnge visit:

LDMA was just getting out of bed

Phil, Unwell, Bluffer and PeaceBlondie were already up practising their vowels..

Earlyant lived up to his namesake, and was up at 7.30am that morning.

There was a special show being put on at the zoo's recreational area, where a group of zoo animals had got together, dressed up as kangaroos and were playing a game of Aussie rules:



Even some of the WAG's joined in for this one!

As we passed the monkey section a second time, we overheard cantona shout an obscenity and the disappear back into obscurity again, but we caught the bastard on film just in the nick of time:


Passing the water show, we were distracted by the antics of Ice Maiden warming up for her stint in Pattaya's 'Come dancing' show, hosted this year by the Wet Fish go-go bar in Pattaya's Walking Street.

"It's my destiny to win this year" she beamed happily, then I'll be in line to defend my title at the Tiffany Discotheque, Kanchanaburi.

Suddenly there was a bad stench as we came close to the farm section of the zoo. Aha! The reason why was clear to see:


DJ Pat was wallowing in a sewage infested stagnant pond showing off in this file photo.

We swiftly moved on to the reptle enclosure, where it was clear that the sight of aging one was quite spectacular:

At 132 years old, this giant tortoise weighs two tonnes and is 5 feet high, as well as 7 feet in length.

This next animal was a complete mystery as the name board with the information was missing, we were very sure that it was a Tasmanian thingy, as seen in the cartoon Scooby Doo.


Finally as we were giving the Lada a jump start in the car park, we caught a glimpse of the elusive dirtydog in his enclosure emerging for a feed:


Thanks to San Diego zoo for their co-operation.

[mrsquirrel]

I have just sat thinking that I have been wasting my afternoon looking at motorbikes on the internet and playing FlatOut 2.

DJ Pat my hats off to you. You really know how to use your free time constructively.

Well done.

[DJ Pat]

Well. the internet in my lobby is back up and running, and apart from one pushy Korean bloke waiting, I haven't been disturbed all afternoon.

[MeMock]

you don't even own a computer?

you poor poor teacher.

[Boon Mee]

You even took the piss outa yourself, Pat - well done.

[DJ Pat]

you don't even own a computer?

you poor poor teacher.

I haven't got a teaching job, yet. So for now I'm just a poor bastard I guess.

[Begbie]

Well you could sell the pickup and send your gf out to sew.

[Smeg]

A class piece of work.

I takes me back to my PGCE days, and coming across an amazing GCSE project submission having waded thru hours of chaff.

[DJ Pat]

A couple of sows treated cruelly yesterday at a piggery.

This above picture is to demonstrate the cruelty to sows and their offspring in Queensland, Australia.

Well you could sell the pickup and send your gf out to sow.

But being an animal orientated thread, a sow is a female pig, so technically I would be sending my GF to the pigs.

Better than going to the soi dogs I guess.

[Gerbil]

Where am I then

[DJ Pat]

A class piece of work.

I takes me back to my PGCE days, and coming across an amazing GCSE project submission having waded thru hours of chaff.

You have no complaints about me likening you to a leopard do you?

[Smeg]

Nope, as they are my fave animal.

I'm a bit worried about the "I'll eat the others creatures" comment tho. Now I'm expected blowjob PM requests!

[DJ Pat]

Where am I then

You're the new attraction enabled due to a deal with Kenya. Thailand sends them TEFL-ers and in return they send zoo animals. Sounds like a good deal to me.


This is a Kenyan Schoolkid's competition winning sketch that shows a gerbil giving the other a love bite, or is that just a nibble?



You and a lucky competition winner in Kenya. Same old story though, she's white, and not Kenyan. How apt.

[DJ Pat]

A long lost species re-discovered, this garter snake slithers around creeping into peoples threads then escaping and reporting back to another more perverted zoo, this is only the first one of its kind and I'm sure we'll be weeding more of these out:


Britmaveric

[ADare]

Great post Pat , have a green.

[stroller]

A long lost species re-discovered, this garter snake slithers around creeping into peoples threads then escaping and reporting back to another more perverted zoo, this is only the first one of its kind and I'm sure we'll be weeding more of these out:


Britmaveric

The guy is more of a deaf Rhino with a limited vocabulary in my view.

[DJ Pat]

This species has a reputation for being a coward and only calling out it's enemies when backed up by about at least 30 others in its pack.

Say hello to Wolfie aka the hyena:

[Gerbil]

Where am I then

You're the new attraction enabled due to a deal with Kenya. Thailand sends them TEFL-ers and in return they send zoo animals. Sounds like a good deal to me.


This is a Kenyan Schoolkid's competition winning sketch that shows a gerbil giving the other a love bite, or is that just a nibble?



You and a lucky competition winner in Kenya. Same old story though, she's white, and not Kenyan. How apt.

I feel strangely satisfied now.

[DJ Pat]

Any other beastly names I may have unwittingly omitted?

Marmite the dog has been portrayed as a panda and using photoshop to create a jar of marmite with canine legs and head would be rather predictable and childish.

[stroller]

There's gotta be a polecat, an amarillo and a sick buffalo in this zoo!

[Wally Dorian Raffles]

Danbo(the sloth) makes his way home after a big night out on toilet-duck..

[benbaaa]

And a big hello to...










...Storekeeper.

[stroller]

You forgot to photoshop the stars and stripes on its arse...

[benbaaa]

Please feel free.

[Boon Mee]

You forgot to photoshop the stars and stripes on its arse...

That's not funny...sTroll