'Economic Stimulus' payment.

[jandajoy]

Sometime next year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Q. Buy a cruise?



A. But isn't that stimulating the economy of the USA?



A. Shut Up.



* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka .

* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala ..

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

1) Spending it at car boot sales, or

2) Going to night clubs, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or whisky or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

Conclusion:

Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night.

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.




a random email received.

[Mr Earl]

Can't read that blue script.

Try again dahlink!

[jandajoy]

That better sweety?

[Bettyboo]

2) Going to night clubs, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or whisky or

2) Albanians...
3) Not English (well, not the good looking ones, so I was told...)
4) German and Scottish.

1) Spending it at car boot sales, or

Was gonna say 1) was English, but aren't they full of Poles nowadays?

5) Tattoos.

Excellent idea - buy Brittish!

[sabang]

3) Spending it on prostitutes,

That will stimulate the economy of Thailand.

[Spin]

Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night.

I can do that in Isaan, why would I need to go to the Uk?