Wots the most amusing English mistake your GF/Wife has made?

[Luckydog]

I had to laugh when my GF said that she had had her Labrador stolen. "Labrador?" I asked "But you don't have a dog".
"Not now" she cried "It stole"
Eventually I found out what had actually been nicked - HER LAPTOP!

Bless her.

Yours said anything amusing gents?

[mediamanbkk]

My first gf in Thailand said I worked at Bumrungrad Hot potatoe

[dantilley]

I know someone (a mate's other half) who thought, in all seriousness, that The Bulls Head pub in Bangkok was actually called "The Bullshit"

[Happyman]

My Taiwanese lady, on her first trip to UK quite a few years ago, went to the hairdressers while I went for a drink with my friends.
She breezed into the bar an hour later and one of the lads commented on her looking good and she said " I have been next door for a trim,shampoo and a --- err -- (deep thought - radiant smile ) BLOWJOB !!"
Collapse of assembled company !l

[Mr Pot]

I like it when she says "can you open the television"

Coming back with a confused "why is it broken?"

She only wants it turned on

[Missismiggins]

When we went to the Uk a couple of years back, my mother took the wife down to meet some friends of hers...cup of tea pensioner types Womens Institute, and apparently my wife remarked something about her "fucking [at][at][at][at] of a cat" that scratched her...I got it for that, not her, same with my boy, swears like a trooper, don't know where he get's it from, whilst driving here, should one come across the usual skilled driver of a car or motorcycle, the ones that are like ballerinas....with broken legs, it is not unheard of for a small voice to cry out from the back seat "look at that fucking arsehole, kill it, stop the car and I'll put a bomb up his arse", to which (being honest) the reply is "Yes, I saw it already, it requires further driving skills, more to be pitied than scolded".
The wife, she has mastered cursing, from a degree she obtained from me, usually comes out with "ya that fucka..fuckin eediot" We can help them, and teach them on their quest for vocabulary and knowledge!

[Spin]

My girl can speak English ok but her written English is pants. Sometimes she uses some kind of translator and it churns out grammatical garbage. The other night I asked her (over msn) the reason why she divorced her Thai husband last year....
"because that before he craziness me so much"
was her reply

[AnthonyR1]

My first gf in Thailand said I worked at Bumrungrad Hot potatoe

classic!

[Loy Toy]

When we were shopping in Australia with my mum my wife announced quite loudly that she had found the fuck tong in the vegetable department. (My mum had promised to teach my wife how to make pumpkin and soup bone soup).

My mum then asked me whether my wife had gone off the idea about her pumpkin soap............ what with swearing and all.

[Bung]

Mine asked me years ago if she looked "cylinder" when she meant slender. Still give her shit over that one.

[blackgang]

we used to make a weekly trip to a car wash that is a govt rehab for women cons and they work there on the way back to civilian life.
One day my wife said we should go to the poisoner place this morning and get the car done, I asked her what the fuck she was talking about and she explained that the car was dirty and those poisoner girls did a good job cleaning it, she has not lived that one down either as she was a 20 year vet as an English teacher in Thai govt schools.

[The Fresh Prince]

Last night my wife came home upset and said she'd dropped a bottle of "Flea Cream" and it smashed.

"Don't worry" I said "We can buy some more tomorrow."

"But it was worth over a thousand baht" She cried

"What the fuck are you doing spending a 1000Bt on the dogs flea cream for!!!" I yelled back.

"No, It was a bottle of face cream worth over a 1000bt that my auntie gave me for flee!"

I don't know why women spend so much on cosmetics.

[spiff]

When I was working in Indonesia during the day, she had to order food for herself, and complained that the people don't understand English.

She was going to a few places and demanded: "I won li"
Well known in the area after a few days.

[Loombucket]

One afternoon after a visit to the market,

"I need to clean Chicken, you wait outside".

"Chicken is not dirty, we just buy from Tesco".

"No, Chicken dirty, I make Mop"

"Here is nice clean Chicken in 'Fridge" (points) "look"!

"What is this then"?

"What, where"?

"I stand".

"KITCHEN"!!!!

[Luckydog]

When we went to the Uk a couple of years back, my mother took the wife down to meet some friends of hers...cup of tea pensioner types Womens Institute, and apparently my wife remarked something about her "fucking [at][at][at][at] of a cat" that scratched her...I got it for that, not her, same with my boy, swears like a trooper, don't know where he get's it from, whilst driving here, should one come across the usual skilled driver of a car or motorcycle, the ones that are like ballerinas....with broken legs, it is not unheard of for a small voice to cry out from the back seat "look at that fucking arsehole, kill it, stop the car and I'll put a bomb up his arse", to which (being honest) the reply is "Yes, I saw it already, it requires further driving skills, more to be pitied than scolded".
The wife, she has mastered cursing, from a degree she obtained from me, usually comes out with "ya that fucka..fuckin eediot" We can help them, and teach them on their quest for vocabulary and knowledge!

HILLARIUS!

[njdesi]

When we were shopping in Australia with my mum my wife announced quite loudly that she had found the fuck tong in the vegetable department. (My mum had promised to teach my wife how to make pumpkin and soup bone soup).

My mum then asked me whether my wife had gone off the idea about her pumpkin soap............ what with swearing and all.

Same here. My wife and her aunt were in the vegetable aisle yelling fuck tong, fuck tong! They didn't notice the confused old white couple slowly backing away from them.

Same thing with this guy:

[SEA Traveler]

While working in Korea and giving a female co worker a ride to the bus stop one day after work, she askes me:

Korean Female Coworker: if I could buy her some "penis butter" at the commissary?

Me: why do you want "penis butter"?

Korean Female Coworker: I like to eat it.

Me: do you know what "penis" is?

Korean Female Coworker: sure, it is a nut that president Jimmie Carter
grows.

Me: I explaian the difference between "penis" and peanuts and that she probably wants some peanut butter. (she was totally beyond herself and was laughing toooo hard)

Korean Female Coworker: ok, I understand. I want peanut butter from the commissary..... but I like you and want some "penis butter" from you.

(how could I not oblidge her? on both requests)

[spiff]

Took me a while to figure out what it means when she says:
"Awatsa Fucksa!"

Wifey picked up something she often hears me say:
"Shut the fuck up!"

[NickA]

She married me

[bkkandrew]

My g/f doesn't speak much English and we normally converse in Thai, but this does not work for pronouncinbg English names...

I support Tottenham Hotspur (for my sins), which is often shortened to Spurs. We often used to watch the games at a Tottenham pub in Patpong, which has since changed ownership and allegance.

I recall her announcing on one of her first visits, after being asked what her favourite team was, that she liked SPERM, but preferred Chelsea.

The name actually stuck and for a while this was how we would refer to the Lilly Whites.

[Troubled]

One afternoon after a visit to the market,

"I need to clean Chicken, you wait outside".

"Chicken is not dirty, we just buy from Tesco".

"No, Chicken dirty, I make Mop"

"Here is nice clean Chicken in 'Fridge" (points) "look"!

"What is this then"?

"What, where"?

"I stand".

"KITCHEN"!!!!

Strange, mine is also always confusing kitchen with chicken. however the biggest English mistake she has made by far til now would be marrying me

[The Fresh Prince]

Me: why do you want "penis butter"?

You make it sound like something that you have regularly.

When are you gonna type in white?

[Mr Pot]

mine is also always confusing kitchen with chicken

Strange, interviewed a Thai cook yesterday; I thought when asked he only cooked chicken

[The Fresh Prince]

As opposed to cooking brown?