Alfred The Great

[Looper]

Cyclone Alfred is bearing down on the SE QLD coast so the crowds are out see the surf

Jet ski tow surfing pros only in this swell

We are not supposed to get cyclones

Brought some brews and peanuts to settle in and rehydrate after a 4km run

Ching ching, dahling

Find a perch and enjoy the view

Bring a cushion or your bum will turn blue

[Looper]

Went to get some eggs for my Caesar salad on the way home but the pre-apocalypse horders had been through the place like a hurricane

Lucky I don't use that much toilet paper, being a bloke

[Bonecollector]

Looking good Hugh, I imagine some epic surfing over the next some hours.

[Hugh Cow]

Looks like its bearing down on my former home that was sold a year ago to thoroughly distateful couple. I shall shed very few tears other than sentimental ones, however my friends live there and therefore I hope the cyclones misses. Luckily all my friends are disgustingly wealthy so they are all insured to the max.

[Hugh Cow]

Went to get some eggs for my Caesar salad on the way home but the pre-apocalypse horders had been through the place like a hurricane

Lucky I don't use that much toilet paper, being a bloke

If only Australian women had learnt the pleasures of using a twat gun there would be enough toilet paper for all.

[david44]

Trawlermen might find mermaids adrift who need something firm to grip?

[Looper]

Surfs up

Dodging the waves

They took out one old geezer spectating

Coastal erosion before the storm even gets here

From your intrepid reporter in the eye of the storm

[39TG]

What was wrong with the purchasers of your home? It seems they caused you some grief. Some people are just painful to deal with. They're probably that way to each other.

[david44]

He Loopy , I am sure we all hope no news is good news.
Your wonderful photos of life on the Bold Coast are a joy to behold.
Are you sheltering under some dusky minx riding out the stormy tossing and turning while still getting a thrill from a big blow?

[Looper]

^Power got knocked out on Thursday morning.

So I am camping rough in the forest. Roast potatoes, bacon and beans heated in a pot on my camping gas stove.

I have got a generator so I am not doing too badly. But it does not plug into my power board so I have to run spaghetti cables everywhere.

2 huge crashing noises in the forest as 2 big trees came down. With the power off I could not tell if they hit my power line. Will find out when it gets light.

--end of message--

[Salsa dancer]

You've got that leftover chicken, haven't you ? Just warm it up to body temp...you'll be right

[Looper]

The cyclone is wild. Ripped up this tree overnight.

There was a huge crash early in the morning but it was dark. I could not see what fell down.

When I got up a spotted one of the huge 30m tall gum tress at the bottom of the garden was gone.

It is about 200m from the house on the property boundary

I did not have time to investigate since I needed to go for fuel. But I will check tomorrow. Drive for more fuel for my generator since the power lines were torn down by a tree right at my entrance so it will be ages before this is fixed.

Powerlines are snaking all the way along the road.

It looks like the apocalypse!

Roads blocked

Don't know what this fella was doing with a long pole.

Trying to unhook a powerline from a tree I think.

Gotta queue for petrol

Back home for a feed and refining my camping cuisine with finer chopped bacon and added chedder cheese this time for a cheezy beanz Cyclone Alfredo twist

[david44]

a cheezy beanz Cyclone Alfredo twist

could be a great line with the storm tossed phillies, Did the earth move for you?

Stay safe

[Looper]

^Thanks Dave


I looked down the garden to see that another of the giant gum trees had gone missing in action on the property boundary.

This called for an investigation.

These are 2 of the trees that had been pulled up by their roots in the 120km/h wind.

Quite a lot of damage had been done to my neighbours place.

Fortunately no-one was seriously injured although they were in the house when it came down.

After offering help I took my chainsaw to clear trees that were blocking the road.

Hopefully that will let the power crews get quicker access to the downed power lines.

The aftermath is bringing 24/7 rain with flooding for a kick in the arse after the smack in the face.

[Looper]

Off on my fuel run to stoke my generator on my 5th day with no power.

Thirsty buggers these things.

Went for a run along the beach 3 metres lower than usual due to the catastrophic erosion.

It seems to have exposed a treacly black muddy underlayer that looks reminiscent of Mendip's North Sea seabed photos

After some post-run fizzy rehydration it was time to retreat into the shelter of a cave to ponder the trials of the cyclone

And get skittled

The fading light showed that most of the beach-side suburbs were back on power after being blacked out for 2 days

I returned sometime later to an eerily empty carpark in the dark

I was sitting in my car and kicking the sand off my feet before letting them onto the carpet when I was hailed by the sultry accent of a young Spanish maiden from Majorca with the sweetest smile. She told me she was camping in her van and had cooked too much Spanish omelette and would I like to share it with her...



Does the respiratorily challenged Pope wear a funny hat?

She even allowed me to sit inside her modest mobile abode while we shared some traveler's tales and I practised my very rusty Spanish. It was a proper treat to have Tortilla cooked for me by a twenty-something Spanish chicatita with a lush and heavy accent wearing ripped hem shorty shorts.

I love tortilla but I cannot cook it to save myself. It always looks like a dog's breakfast when I make it.

Every cloud has a silver lining, even a tropical cyclone.

Although quite strange that a young lady sleeping alone in a van would invite a strange man in the dark of an empty car park to come and dine with her. A true free spirit. May the road rise up to meet her rolling wheels.

[david44]

Caramba , send me some of your after shave! A tortilla filla , living the dream

[Looper]

^I am determined to have another go at this Spanish Tortilla, Dave. I might google how to do it this time instead of just guessing


Cunningly strung my storm-struck sagging power line higher off the road so it hopefully does not get snagged by a passing truck

Just tie the rope off round the trunk so the power crew can let it down when they come and fix the main line.

Which earns me a beach break to watch the clouds return to something less portentous

2 tasty tourists were doing their holiday instagrams and jabbering excitedly in Japanese

Nantekoto!!

Look at those tiny feet!

[baldrick]

a bit risky being that close to a black hole

[BLD]

Looks like you are sitting on a big chunk of land in a beautiful location but you are gonna have to get that pool sorted out to bring it up to mendy, bld, and stumpy standards

[Looper]

^I had a pool in my old forest and I spent 100 times as much time looking after it as swimming in it since it was a forest location with lots of leaves so I am content to leave my derelict swimming pool as is for the time being


Off on my clearing up rounds with my saws

Found another massive tree down along the driveway. Just let sleeping logs lie.

Just tie the rope off round the trunk so the power crew can let it down when they come and fix the main line.

The power crew had other ideas and had disconnected my supply line to do their repair, did their repairs... and then fucked off without reconnecting my line!

I went back to get the car and caught up with them still working 1km away and remonstrated with them in a loud and agitated manner until they agreed to come and look at the cause of my consternation. After looking they agreed to come back the next day and make good the cut connection. Lucky since the cost of repair to rural supply lines is often dumped on the customer.

While the line was down I took the opportunity to cut some trees that were not cuttable with the line in the way.

There were quite a few and in my haste with the last and largest tree in fading light I finally came a cropper and this coont came down about 60 degrees off the intended fall angle.

As I watched it slowly timber shed-wards I switched off my brain to the pain of watching the inevitable demolition of my big shed. But by some miracle of the sweet baby Jesus the shed roof did not collapse.


This is what it looked like the next day when I went to clear up. 6m of tree is missing from the top where it snapped off. Powerline is back in place so at least my arborist haste was not misplaced in waste.

In total the tree was:

Bottom diameter 30cm
Top diameter 10cm
Height 15m

Volume = 0.58m3

Hardwood dry density of 0.8kg/m3

Total mass 0.5 tonnes

It would have delivered a huge blow to the roof crest

By the miracle of this roof engineering I got away with some gutter and roller door damage

Would have cost a packet to fix if it got stoved in as the shed is the same size as the house.

[david44]

So handy your tool having the name CHAIN SAW in big letters lest you use it for picking up fallen women or heaven forfend a hair trim

Good to see the bike trailer in use!! Stay safe and wear a steel safety jockstrap, cocksafe is a reliable brand here, in Oz i think its marketed as TodgerShield

[Looper]

^The workers of the workshop of the world in Shanghai have a knack for writing puzzlingly obvious statements on their products and then accompanying them with indecipherable manuals


The next shed related puzzle was how to get the enormously heavy tree off the roof without causing further damage to the roof and guttering.

First lop off the base to reduce weight and leave it suspended by the fence wire

Next tie a rope round the trunk and throw it over the other side

Attach a counter-weight bag of rocks to stop the tree sliding when I cut the rest of the base free from the fence suspension. You can see where the top part broke off and smashed the gutter and roller door on its way to the ground

Start the cut

Do a wedge on both sides so that the inpredictable movement does not pinch and trap the saw

Let her drop and my weight bag trick does the job and the remaining 150kg does not slide off and tear the gutter down

Use 2 sticks as levers to lift the log up and get some space to saw an undercut.

Last piece was cut in half to make it safer to manoeuvre on the roof top. You can see the dent in the roof crest. Fortunately no hole.

With the power back on it was time to celebrate the luxury of mains electricity with a hot bath

[david44]

Top job in every sense.A braver man than I Bunga Inn.

Luckily here in the udderdeveloped world we have little natives who do it for fun the $10 tip is all they crave, aside from which as I always explain to my charming Domina Tricks I am not allowed to work due to visa restrictions much as I'd love to sweep leaves, trim bush or service hair curlers.

Yule sense Emilgia when I say a little prayer for anyone brave enough to be a lumberjaock in Upsidedown land as I saw off my daily loaf.

[Looper]

^The natives round these parts will charge an arm and a leg just to turn up and have a look so I am on my own with my shed repairs.


It will be a right pain to get this pinned up again since the roof was installed after the gutter, so access is impossible with the gutter lifted back into the right position

I will need to requisition my new bendy ladder to get access without the ladder leaning on the gutter too

I was planing to cut this tree down at some point but I have been saved the effort