Read this in the Sydney Morning Herald:, some are quite true others lame
You know you're Australian if:
- You know the meaning of the word "girt".
- You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
- You understand that, should an Australian prime minister attempt to invent a nickname for himself, the nation would respond by choosing its own moniker, somewhat less flattering.
- You believe the best-looking people in the world are those wearing the uniform of the Rural Fire Service, or its equivalent in other states.
- Returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.
- You make a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering a lawn.
- You are alive to the debate over Australia Day, but accept the public holiday without question.
- You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife
- You understand that tough times create strong, resilient, loving communities but would now like a break from the constant fire, flood, drought and hail.
- You believe that any DIY purchase must be accompanied by a sausage in a bun.
- You were taught on your grandparents’ knee that “all the banks are bastards” and now have the proof.
- You believe the best tourist attractions are housed within giant fibreglass prawns, bananas and sheep.
- You bitterly criticise the media for its constant and intrusive stories about the British royal family, then find yourself reading every word about Harry and Meghan.
- You believe the most patriotic way to vote at election time is while wearing a swimming costume.
- You know the British feel superior to us - but find yourself increasingly perplexed as to why.
- You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
- You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".
- You wonder when it was, exactly, that Australia’s politicians lost their sense of shame.
- You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas."
- You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
- You are welcoming of foreign visitors - but can’t wait to tell them about the Drop Bears.
- You are staunch in your defence of Australian-owned enterprises but can’t resist buying truckloads of imported crap.
- You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you really, truly despise is merely "a bit of a bastard".
- You wonder why, given the amount of cash thrown around at election time, none of it ever hits you.
- When you hear that an American "roots for his team", you wonder how often and with whom.
- You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.
- You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
- Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway food in every Asian language.
- You believe that cooked-down axle-grease makes a good breakfast spread.
- You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they revert to being Kiwis.
- Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.
- You know that certain vulgar words must, by law, be shouted during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.
- You believe that the more you shorten someone's name, the more you like them.
- You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem, then have trouble remembering the second.
- When you retire, your aim is to enjoy some “lifestyle” - an Australian word which roughly translates as “chardonnay”.
- You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
- You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says "cobber".
- You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
- You know that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".
- You’re proud of your country, but understand it can do a whole lot better.
- You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
- You will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand www.richardglover.com.au