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  1. #1
    Thailand Expat
    Simon43's Avatar
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    Dangly bits rusting up in Naypyitaw

    Fck, fck, fck, computer crashed and I lost my post....

    Start again, summarised version:

    I need to satisfy my Ugandan urges on a regular basis, (there - I said it).

    A rubber glove on my right-hand is not enough - I need the soft touch of a sultry Asian maiden , who is willing to partake in the most perverse of carnal activities, in return for a modest payment.

    Were this any town in Thailand, such lasses would be found in the local beer-bar or Thai karaoke.

    Were this Yangon, I know of a few places where discrete enquiries would pay off.

    But I live in Naypyitaw, fcuking Naypyitaw, city of deserted, 20-lane highways, and huge numbers of gun-carrying police and military, who monitor every main junction of the city.

    I have to live at an upmarket hotel, where hookers would not even get past the front gate.

    There are local massage joints in the nearby towns, but the sight of a foreigner in these establishments would definitely result in a police raid, my arrest and subsequent shaming as I'm paraded 'sans-Calvin Kleins' through the streets.

    I'm not a mongerer by any stretch of the imagination. But liking the occasional FUCK, and knowing that one isn't going to get that, does tend to weigh on one's mind.

    I'd move back to Bangkok, except that my current job pays quite well, is a doddle to do, and is fun, (teaching at the international school).

    I had tried to tackle this problem last year, looking for a local 'wingman' among the local bachelor teaching staff to accompany me to the KTV karaoke. My discrete questions about p4p elicited their reply that no decent Myanmar woman would engage in such an activity, (which is fine, because I'm looking for an INdecent Myanmar woman...).

    I even asked my gym trainer about p4p, but he looked rather shocked as well... (so many naive guys it seems).

    The 'ladies' who attend that gym are, well, let's just say that their looks and body size doesn't seem to excite my dangly bits...

    Human nature and greed being what it is, I am sure that there are ladies in Naypyitaw who would welcome an income far in excess of the typical monthly wage. And being a military town with thousands of single guys, I am sure that p4p does certainly exist for the locals.

    I call upon the seasoned forum members to advise some new strategies to find a regular p4p partner in Naypyitaw.

    Oh, online dating is also out ==> no Myanmar dating websites.
    I'm making an effort to learn to speak some of the local language (although my Ugandan sign language is rather good anyway).
    Groping women when you're old is fine - everyone thinks you're senile

  2. #2
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    Dragonfly's Avatar
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    porntube is your friend, a lot of nice Russian girls playing with themselves

    a friend trying to help,

  3. #3
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    Simon43's Avatar
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    quote]
    porntube is your friend
    [/quote]

    Well, Porntube is your virtual friend, which isn't the same thing as hands-on, sweaty, squeaky sex.

    Unlike Thailand, there's no censorship of web-site access in Myanmar. All genres are available, except it seems, real-life, in-my-bedroom sex.

  4. #4
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    You're not a monger, but you are willing to pay for sex? Ok.

    How about you give Shrewed Punter an invite for a lesson in tindering?

  5. #5
    POTUS HOCUS
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    Have you considered monkey biz with the higher apes, a marmot, orang otan or trumpanzee probably be fine if you close your eyes and think of Hilary.

    while not clairvoyant I foresee a weekend in Bangcock on your event horizon

  6. #6
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    You're not a monger, but you are willing to pay for sex? Ok.
    Everyone pays for sex in some way or another. I used to pay far more when I was married. Now older (and hopefully a little wiser), I am also realistic enough to accept that if I want some nookie, then I will have to pay hard cash for it...

  7. #7
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    I foresee a weekend in Bangcock
    Yes, that's one solution that I've costed up. What with the taxi to/from Naypyitaw Airport, return plane ticket, hotel and food costs in BKK, plus fees for the sultry lass (or lasses), this could be an expensive trip, not possible to repeat very regularly due to financial constraints.

    But trips to BKK are certainly 1 viable solution.

    Maybe there are some mobile apps, such as Tindr and Baidoo that the locals use? I need to check this out after work.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43 View Post

    Well, Porntube is your virtual friend, which isn't the same thing as hands-on, sweaty, squeaky sex.

    Unlike Thailand, there's no censorship of web-site access in Myanmar. All genres are available, except it seems, real-life, in-my-bedroom sex.
    it's all the same for your brain anyhow,

    youporn, cheaper and a lot of choices for your 5min of pleasure

    why pay more when you can pay less for more

  9. #9
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    Taxi drivers always know the best places, and probably where you could fit in.

  10. #10
    POTUS HOCUS
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    where you could fit in
    555

    Make sure you get a pretty one

  11. #11
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    ...too bad you're not gay...a handjob in the local park would probably be free...

  12. #12
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    I found out that Badoo app is reasonably popular for finding dates, friends etc.

    But get this! When you sign up with Badoo, you are only allowed to find friends or dates no younger than 10 years your own age! I'm being shown photos and profiles of flabby old women and I can't seem to find anyway to change that restriction (yes I could fake my age, but I prefer to be honest that I'm an old (non-flabby) guy seeking young women, not pensioners...)

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43 View Post
    Dangly bits rusting up
    Ever since Lulu taught me the term "rusty trombone", whenever I hear "rusty" in the context of things carnal, I get only one image.
    I didn't think you were like that Simon.

  14. #14
    Dislocated Member
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    When I was a contractor I used to go without for months... but that's what vacations were for

  15. #15
    Southern Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43 View Post
    get this! When you sign up with Badoo, you are only allowed to find friends or dates no younger than 10 years your own age!
    I"ll give you some free advice seeing as you asked nicely

    Stop peddling a bicycle to work like a local peasant, and change your spandex pants and hi vis vest for a suit and a chauffeur .....
    you saggy,sweaty, whiffy, dirty old bastard

    Do what you want them to do...sell yourself

  16. #16
    Southern Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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  17. #17
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    Googling suggested that WeChat mobile app was used in Myanmar. So I downloaded that app and found quite a few female users in my locality. But they are all Chinese and have written their weChat profiles in fcuking Mandarin.....

  18. #18
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    You can get laid with minimal effort in Saudi for fek sake. Why stay?

  19. #19
    Southern Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    Maybe he doesnt like goats

  20. #20
    Custom Title Changer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    Maybe he doesnt like goats
    From personal experience, they're better than nothing....

  21. #21
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    ...^blowjobs are a bit tricky, however...particularly if you're caught...

  22. #22
    Custom Title Changer
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    Quote Originally Posted by tomcat View Post
    however...particularly if you're caught...
    I was caught by the mom once...

    She kept crying "Baabb", "Baabb". It freaked me out because I had told her my name was Loytoy.

  23. #23
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    You can get laid with minimal effort in Saudi for fek sake. Why stay?


    Alas, I am not qualified for jobs in KSA. Whilst I have an MSc and MA and 1st Class Hons Bachelor degree and numerous pedagogical certificates and diplomas, apparently it is not enough for KSA and similar goat-fearing/fcuking countries where a B.Ed and PGCE is required.

    Besides, apart from the lack of nookie, Naypyitaw is a congenial sort of place and cheap cost of living.

    Having researched the options of my OP, I think regular trips to bang in Bangers seems to be the most realistic solution, albeit the most expensive one.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43 View Post
    Alas, I am not qualified for jobs in KSA. Whilst I have an MSc and MA and 1st Class Hons Bachelor degree and numerous pedagogical certificates and diplomas, apparently it is not enough for KSA and similar goat-fearing/fcuking countries where a B.Ed and PGCE is required.
    What the Saudis desire and what they get are two different things.

  25. #25
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    book a nice girl in Bangkok, and take her with you in Burma, problem solved

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