Largely inspired by Chaz's 'Time to move on' thread...

I have a confession to make:

I fucking hate south-east England.

And therefore it's somewhat unfortunate that it's where I currently find myself residing.

The pace of life; the cost of living; most of the people living in it; the invariably shit weather; and the fact that I'm not basking on a remote stretch of sand off the Gulf of Siam thumbing my way through a Grisham novel while some nubile hussy whose buttocks you could play like the bongos tongues my testicles with unbridled enthusiasm... all these things conspire to have me conclude that life is, at present, not 100 per cent perfect.

"Why did you come back?[from Thailand]" appears to be a stockpile enquiry.

"The kids' education." is my stockpile reply.

But this, I must confess, is wearing a trifle thin, and what I really want to say is "I have no fucking idea why we returned to this total fuck-hole of a place; and right now all I'm ultimately concerned about is my immediate happiness, and the local primary school who send me some 7,000 text messages per day about this trip and that trip and this bill and that... sure ain't contributing a jot towards it. Now fuck off out of my face before I vomit over you."

Of course, I never really say any of that, but it's been on the tip of my tongue on numerous occasions.

However, in spite of all this, I have developed a succession of coping mechanisms which have enable me to enjoy fleeting spells of pleasure and contentment in the face of true adversity. I understand I'm not living in an Al Shabab stronghold in Somalia, but one still has to make one's way through life - does one not?

One such strategy I've fairly recently called into play follows thus.

I used to commute to work in the car.
Annoyance: I'm driving at 70mph down the A3 in the slow lane and some fucker decides to sit up my arse for the duration. This incites the kind of rage which only usually manifested after a 30 second chat with the mother in-law. Not good, not healthy.

I started to take the train instead:
Annoyance: Expensive, and the presence of other people - lots of other people.

I started to cycle:
Annoyance: The potential of succumbing to an 80-year-old chap piloting a Morris Minor who lost his vision in the late Seventies.

And finally - I started to cycle off road.
Annoyance: Not Applicable
After plotting a route featuring bridleways, footpaths and towpaths on the Ordnance Survey map, I now spend my mornings and evenings encompassed by rural serenity.

Just a mile from my front door and I'm into the thick of it...



Climbing onto the North Downs...



Onto the Downs and we're enveloped by peace and quiet...



The occasional gate needs hopping over, but we pay them no never mind. Not the bike. It's, if I may, a fucking good piece of apparatus.



Off the Downs and into an expanse of farm land...



A bit of aquatic action...



And finally, spunk half a day's wages on a cup of coffee before heading into the office for an eight-hour sit down...



It'll do - for now.

I think, though, the ultimate inspiration for this thread is that the mrs and kids are heading back to Thailand next week for a three-week jolly. I'm still waiting for my invitation.