Salvation Lies Within

[shehiredahitman]

Having had a look at the various flavours of religion available to choose from, I have concluded that they are all bollocks. You can't do this, you must do that, once a week/month/year you must do this, that or the other. It can all be very time consuming & generally detract from the experience of enjoying life to the full.

Not to mention there are some very dubious lead characters in each of the holy books who have engaged in a variety of activities which at best can only be described as immoral. We would likely throw them in a Vietnamese jail for three years if they showed up today & started indulging themselves.

Who, in their right mind would want to worship any of these con merchants? Certainly not me.

So what can you & I, the ordinary man, do about the void left in our lives by a lack of faith in something better than what we are? Simple, sign up to Shehiredahitman's shiny new religion! It encompasses the best features of all the other religions & does away with the bits that are a load of cobblers.

Christians have the Bible, Muslims have the Quran, I have The Book of Cataclysm. A new book, which you will all agree makes a lot more sense than the the usual assortment of fairy tales we are expected to believe.

There is no joining fee. You do not have to attend any church. All you have to do is spread the word & recruit more members. As some of the first people to join up, you will be granted Great Leader's Right Hand Man status - Great Leader being me, of course; aka The Master. Once we've got enough wackos interested (tell them we hold the secret to life after death or something, that goes down a treat with the vulnerable & needy) we'll start selling them books of some description, one chapter at a time & starting at a very low price, just to get them hooked, it's not until later they start paying through the nose for the newer versions.

It worked for Ron L Hubbard - & look who's laughing now.

Here is our holy book, The Book of Cataclysm. Anybody who is interested in getting involved, feel free to add to this thread.

THE BOOK OF CATACLYSM

There is pleasure in stealing the souls of machines.

To take one life is sin. To take a thousand is religion.

Remember, the meek shall inherit nothing.

The non-believers climbed for days to confront the master in the mountains. "Where do you get your so-called faith?" they asked.
"You brought it," the master replied. "You've all climbed so high."

The world shall turn and the human race shall pass. Everything begins anew. The faith has run its course and it is over.

All knowledge is stored somewhere. Be it in books, heads or deep under glaciers. And when we find it, we make it ours. Faith is bricks; knowledge is mortar.

Faithful minds are not enough. Deliver unto us brains also.

He who shouts loudest can only hear his own voice. Those with true knowledge listen to those with true faith. And those with closed ears never hear the swing of the reaper's blade.

The courageous enter dark caves alone. The clever send in the courageous first. The cleverest wait behind the clever.

Bravery will take you into the most dangerous of places. Overwhelming firepower will see you safely through them.

The brave hide behind technology. The stupid hide from it. But the clever have technology, and hide it.

"Here!" said the Master. "Build me a great tomb in this place." His apprentices did. It glittered in the sun. "Now go inside," said he. They entered. An earthquake then destroyed the tomb, burying those within.
The Master smiled. "Even the faithful are not always chosen."
"This is called sacrifice."

The people stood like corn in the high fields and listened to the Master. As the reaper's blade scythed them all, the Master fell silent. The lesson would be learned by others.

Poor workers blame their tools. Good workers build better tools. The best workers get their tools to do the work for them.
A hundred elephants can wreck the outer walls of a fortress. One diseased rat can kill all those inside.

Not only will all eyes be on the leaders of men, but all combat sights as well.

A war refugee sought the Master. He said, "You are wise and serene. Teach me to escape the horrors of this world." And the Master blinded him with fire-irons.

The apprentices asked the Master. "When shall we achieve immortality?"
And the Master answered, "Not in this life."

The Master told his pupils, "Forget being taught and concentrate on learning. When you're sure, question everything."

[dirtydog]

How many virgins do we get each then?

[barbaro]

^^ f*ck off

[baldrick]

How many virgins do we get each then?

you can have the virgins - I want the ones that know how to suck and fcuk

[DrB0b]

A Syndicate wars religion? Sign me up! "Follow the more sucessful thief and steal his ideas"

[shehiredahitman]

A Syndicate wars religion? Sign me up! "Follow the more sucessful thief and steal his ideas"

You get it, General Sir Dr Bob.

Let's take over the world.




PS.

No virgins & afraid. The Church of the New Epoch has to make do with occasional trips down Soi 6, at least until the subscriptions come flooding in.

[obsidian]

The Master told his pupils, "Forget being taught and concentrate on learning. When you're sure, question everything."

i like this one

[Umbuku]

So what can you & I, the ordinary man, do about the void left in our lives by a lack of faith in something better than what we are?

Lost me after here.

What void?

[Fast Eddie]

A war refugee sought the Master. He said, "You are wise and serene. Teach me to escape the horrors of this world." And the Master blinded him with fire-irons.

I'm not sure i like the sound of this 'Master' chap.

Does he also prescribe coke, booze and bird binges for his followers, in a Bacchanalian style? If so, i could be persuaded.