Social faux pas

[kingwilly]

Last night I made a bit of a social faux pas. We were visiting the Women's hospital for a check up and spotted a friend and his wife there in the waiting room.

The wives started nattering and I said hello to my mate, asked him was there some good news they might be announcing soon, thinking that perhaps his wife was pregnant ?

"Nope, we're just he for a check up he says"

I replied "Just as well, you aint getting any younger, are you!"

And on our way.

30 mins later we're done and they're still waiting, so the wives get talking again.

It turns out they've been having trouble falling pregnant and it's his swimmers that are not up to the job!

What an idiot I felt.

And he was telling me this morning that the Dr asked him how much he drinks and he was like aaah just a couple here and there and his wife lept in and said no, he drinks far too much almost everyday!

[kingwilly]

And, of course, Indonesian girls do not talk quietly so have the hospital now knows his sperm are shite swimmers!

[The Fresh Prince]

I do it all the time.

In 2004 all of our office staff had booked a group holiday to Phuket for a few days. When they returned I was all jokey in the office and said,

"Here they are back from a few lazy days on the beach, lying in your hammocks and drinking cocktails! Did you have fun?"

My secretary replied in her monotone voice "No TFP, we went down there to help clean up the dead bodies."

Didn't feel great about that one.

[kingwilly]

Ouch!

[david44]

Faux pas or flow pas? you fappa ,is sterility the last taboo,serial onanists and sodomites are out of the cupboard until recently thePM of the Commonwealth lived with a coiffeur whatever next talking monkeys in Batavia?

[baldrick]

Last year I visited the lations and was sitting there with the grands , uncles , mother , sister , etc and they started to talk about my sister driving herself from sydney up to cairns ( she is 27 ).

the uncle and aunt were going on about she should not do it on her own etc , and there are still bad stretches of road etc

now back a few years there was a stretch between rocky and mackay where you had the choice between taking a longer inland route or using a dirt section of highway 1 and the dirt section had a bit of a reputation for bad things happening - accidents , abductions etc.

so I started to take the piss about this section of track , which is all bitumen now , saying that yes she was tempting alien abduction if she drove it on her own.

but little did I know - had not kept up with all the family happening - that the cousin that was present ( uncles daughter ) and her boyfriend had had a serious accident on that stretch of road and the boyfriend died while the cousin suffered head injuries - he fell asleep.

so in the car on the way home my mother filled me in and said that I had been a little insensitive

but fcuk it - if they can't take a joke

[The Fresh Prince]

Would have been worse if they'd been abducted by aliens.

[kingwilly]

,is sterility the last taboo

Well it sorta does cut to the heart of what it means to be a man ....

[alitongkat]

wouldnt be the first case, when the wife secretly takes prevention pills...
he should go for a second INDEPENDENT opinion...

sperm motility - NOT to take:

RESULTS: Sperm motility was inhibited at the high concentration (0.6 mg/mL) of St. John's wort. Curvilinear velocities and beat cross frequencies also decreased, but not hyperactivation. High-concentration saw-palmetto, echinacea, or gikgo inhibited motility at 24 and 48 hr.

..typo, should read "gingko"
Inhibition of human sperm motility by ... [J Assist Reprod Genet. 1999] - PubMed - NCBI

GOOD is:

Astragalus membranaceus stimulates human sperm motility in vitro.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1471613

[stickmansucks]

They are just lucky if they cannot give birth to shite :-)

[alitongkat]

in midlife crisis, mostly ED, but a child will prove hes still all man, and then - being told the sperm is crap...
err willy your such a loser... and now not only we, but the whole hospital knows it, TOO...

[david44]

Very hard to mate with Gekko's the keep wriggling free,try the ตุ๊กแก(Tok kay) theyre asking for it

Their mating call, a loud croak, is variously described as sounding like token, gekk-gekk or Poo-Kay where both the common and the scientific name (deriving from onomatopoeic names in Malay, Sundanese, Tagalog, Thai, or Javanese), as well as the family name Gekkonidae and the generic term gecko come from. The call is similar to the call made by Gekko smithii (Large Forest Gecko).
The gecko's call is responsible also for a slang name given to it by U.S. soldiers in Vietnam: the fuck-you lizard.[3]

[patsycat]

A friend of mine sadly died of cancer a few years ago.

Being from a large Catholic family they had the usual wake after the funeral. I was getting my umpteenth glass of vino. The priest was also getting a drink at the same time. I (and i don't know why, to this day) turned to him and said that it's not often we get to meet many Black priests in Geneva. My friend's mother just happened to be standing beside him....

The floor did not swallow me up.

[Looper]

^Was he a black priest? If so what was the faux pas?

We were visiting the Women's hospital for a check up

Just as well Willy as you ain't getting any younger are you! How is the sperm count?

[david44]

^Was he a black priest? If so what was the faux pas?

We were visiting the Women's hospital for a check up

Just as well Willy as you ain't getting any younger are you! How is the sperm count?

Let'sjust say no 6 fingered Hillbilly's needed

[patsycat]

^Was he a black priest? If so what was the faux pas?

We were visiting the Women's hospital for a check up

Just as well Willy as you ain't getting any younger are you! How is the sperm count?

Yes he was a black priest, and as i said it is not often that i see a black priest (if i ever see a priest being a non church going person).

Ya shouda been there to feel the cringe factor.

[Davis Knowlton]

Was in a Manila bar and ran into a good friend who was a US Navy Seal Commander. He was with a guy I didn't know, and introduced him as his boss, Captain xxxxxx. I said howdy and then saw my friend's gorgeous Filipina wife at a corner table with a very large white woman. As you very rarely saw a white woman in a Del Pilar bar, I then asked my buddy, "Who's the hogbody Yoli's sitting with?" Response, "Um, well, that would actually be Captain xxxxx's wife." Whoops.

[kingwilly]

Ouch! Bet the captain wasn't pleased.

[Davis Knowlton]

^Kind of shrugged it off and we ended up drinking together most of the evening. Honest mistake - I'd just never met a Seal married to a white woman before; there aren't many.

[kingwilly]

I wanna find out if he had to go into the dunny to blot one out or if they had a special room?

If he had to do it on his own or if his wife was allowed help?

But I think I've embarrassed him enough.

[kingwilly]

^Kind of shrugged it off and we ended up drinking together most of the evening. Honest mistake - I'd just never met a Seal married to a white woman before; there aren't many.

Good of him, but then again I've noticed those sort of men, Seals, SAS, Commandos don't have anything to prove and thus tend to be relaxed and friendly guys.

[Rural Surin]

Curious as to how old your mate might be, Wills?

[The Fresh Prince]

Another one.

After a meeting last year with our marketing team (one of which is gay, but id forgot), everyone was having a coffee and a chat. The gay guy was chatting with another team member about getting a new iPhone 5.

"Yeah I'm gonna get one when they come out, but I'll probably wait for the white version" said the gay guy.

"Nah if you're gonna get one at least get the black one" I shouted across the table.

"I like the white one, what's wrong with it?" He replied

"Well it's a bit fucking gay isn't it!" I blurted out.

Silence hit the table and everyone stared at me.

[harrybarracuda]

[QUOTE=alitongkat;2552340]

Astragalus membranaceus stimulates human sperm motility in vitro.

You would think that would be enough to tempt the chinese away from Bear bile, Tiger penis, Armadillo spleens and whatever other delicacies they munch on in an attempt at proving their manhood.

[kingwilly]

Curious as to how old your mate might be, Wills?

Not that old, in fact probably under the average age of TD posters if you ignore the socalled and shrewedpunter outliers.