I've decided to open a school for newbies to Thailand which will teach "Thainess survival skills".

Having racked my brain for a lead tutor, the answer is obvious; Kenkannif, as he is an expert in the entire syllabus and can more than match the Thais at their own game.

The course modules are as follows:

  • How to never grow up
  • How to survive using the least possible effort
  • Lying without guilt
  • Cheating and deceipt - the keys to success
  • Opportunism and how to exploit
  • Image over morals - sly ways to earn trust
  • Effective use of kind deeds to maximise self-karma
  • How to dress, be polite, and entertain to disguise your lack of ability
  • Kissing the boss' arse and general bullshitting skills
  • Making easy money in Thailand by spinning newly arrived foreigners a yarn
  • How to smile and seem permanently happy in shitty situations
  • Piracy with pride