Now this thread is primarily intended for Americans, Australians and people who run restaurants in Chiang Mai, but English people (and possibly Welsh people) might also enjoy it. This is how you make a cup of tea.
1. First, fill the kettle with fresh drinking water and bring to the boil. Old, stale water won’t do, and neither will warm water. It needs to come properly to the boil (100 degrees Celsius, or 212 Fahrenheit in old money). If you’re not sure if it’s hot enough, just dip your finger in. If it goes red and swells to the size of a big sausage, you’re nearly there.
2. You need good quality tea or tea bags. Co-op Indian Prince Premium are excellent and so are many other brands – PG Tips, for example. But steer clear of those insipid Lipton’s things with the strings attached. Strings are for tampons.
3. Fresh, full-cream cow’s milk is essential. Don’t be fooled into thinking skimmed will do the trick. Skimmed milk isn’t really milk at all, it’s the devil’s semen.
4. A good teapot is also essential. Not one of those stupid little metal ones that hold about a teaspoonful and burn your hand when you pick them up, either.
5. Proper mugs are the correct drinking vessels. These are big and chunky, have a sturdy handle and hold a good three-quarters of a pint as a minimum. My are attractively decorated with cock motifs.
6.Add three tea bags to the pot, not forgetting to remove the lid first.
7. Add the water as soon as it has come to the boil, put the lid on and go and do something else for five minutes. Don’t be tempted to peek inside to see if it’s ‘done’ before the five minutes is up.
8. Add milk to the mug and then pour in the tea. Not the other way round.
9. Serve straight away while piping hot.
10. Popular accessories include hot buttered toast (pictured), scones, crumpets, cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off and biscuits – Rich Tea and Digestive being the best.