Changing negative perceptions of Thai-Western relationships

[ThaiFarang]

Hello fellow board members,

I publish a website that mainly focuses on Thai-Farang relationships. My main motivation for doing so is to try and reverse some of the prevalent negative stereotypes on Thai-Farang couples as well as speak out against many of the pessimistic opinions about how (un)successful such cross-cultural relationships turn out. There is another newly establsihed site with the same focus (independent of mine) The two sites are:

http://thaifarang.co.uk

http://www.geoffandamy.com

We are both looking for contributions on successful Thai-farang relationships - especially from the expat community as most contributions so far have come from Thai-Farang couples living in the West.

I also hope that members would just give their opinion on the sites - good or bad or just a waste of time?

Cheers.

[Thetyim]

Just visited your website.
It is well written and has a bias towards the thai side which is fairly presented.

I would say that the problems of a thai/uk couple living in the Uk are very different from a couple living in Thailand.

[Little Chuchok]

Nice site,but can't agree about the sin-sot ..esp this part.

Some Westerners show a certain cultural chauvinism in refusing to pay the Sin Sot. They claim that it is a Thai custom that Farangs are not obliged to pay – especially not if your wife is from a poor family or has had previous relationships. Some Farangs who have this attitude just seem to want to get their Thai brides and take them back to their home countries and then forget about Thailand. It seems to be a rejection of Thai culture and an assertion of the “superiority” of our values.

Never known a Thai person to pay one for a previously married bird.Why should farang?

[stroller]

There is a thread on sin sod somewhere here, where it is discussed and has a few pretty good explainations.
Worth searching for, thaifarang.

Good luck with your website!

[Thetyim]

The sin-sot section was the bit I read first as I guessed it would show the tone for the rest of the website.

I was pleased to see a price mentioned of 50k.
This is realistic.
Some of the stories about a million baht that I read elsewhere make me cringe.

[barbaro]

Would this be viewed and posted on more in the "Captain's Lounge?"

(just a thought.)

[Thetyim]

Would this be viewed and posted on more in the "Captain's Lounge?"

I agree.

[ThaiFarang]

Thanks for the constructive and balanced feedback.

What I am mainly objecting to in the article about Sin Sot is the sort of Westerner who flat out rejects paying Sin Sot because in his own view of the world he associates it with greed or a clever trick to scam him for money. This shows a degree of cultural insensitivity that can only bode ominously for the future prospects of the relationship.

Saying that, the sin sot should be a of a reasonable amount. I have also been criticised for being hypocritical as I did not really pay sin sot myself as the money was paid back to me afterwards. I will admit that there may be some validity to saying that, but I do not think I am preaching that Westerners hand over huge amounts of money in the first place - just that people try to see the idea of sin sot from a Thai perspective. We went ahead with the sin sot ceremony so my wife and her family would not lose face and I do not think she has in any way. Am I feeling ashamed that I still haven't paid a proper sin sot to my mother-in-law? No, I don't think so. My wife's family is benefitting from our relationship and I think they know that. They have never made unreasoanble demands just as I have never made a point out of rejecting parts of their culture. I am hoping that my wife and I are building a lasting relationship based on me staying respectful to her family and culture and she being honest and up-front with me about everything.

If people have a constrcutive criticism of the sin sot article I would be happy to include that coment at the end of the article.

Cheers.

[stroller]

I'll move this thread to the "cap's lounge", or "living in Thailand", if you want, thaifarang.
The "issues" forum isn't the best place for it.

[ThaiFarang]

I'll move this thread to the "cap's lounge", or "living in Thailand", if you want, thaifarang.
The "issues" forum isn't the best place for it.

Fine by me . . . You can choose the best home for the thread. I was a bit confused about where to put it.

[Sir Burr]

Why is it incumbent on Westerners with Thai wives/GFs to change attitudes?
It's not them that have the problem.

[obsidian]

"natural affability and grace" ??? never met a soul who came here for those reasons. hype.

i have observed that thai culture trains/rewards an affable affect. doesnt take to many years of being here to see that it isnt natural in the least. the incidence of domestic violence and murder are very high (even compared to the west) here in the kingdom. where does this fit with the culturally simplistic (and offensive) notion of smiling, waing and all loving thai/buddhist culture? spare me the self promotion and just be quiet and live your life.

[ThaiFarang]

"natural affability and grace" ??? never met a soul who came here for those reasons. hype.

i have observed that thai culture trains/rewards an affable affect. doesnt take to many years of being here to see that it isnt natural in the least. the incidence of domestic violence and murder are very high (even compared to the west) here in the kingdom. where does this fit with the culturally simplistic (and offensive) notion of smiling, waing and all loving thai/buddhist culture? spare me the self promotion and just be quiet and live your life.

I appreciate your opinions although I had a bit of difficulty decoding your meaning.

The way I understand you, and correct me if I am wrong, you think I paint too much of a glossy picture of Thailand. In your view I should stress the high murder rate and cases of domestic violence? If that is your meaning then may I ask you why I should stress this? Who would that benefit? Will anone in a Thai-Farang relationship benefit if it is spelt out that Thailand is a "violent" culture compared with ours?? I understand that that is how you feel but why you think I should write like that on my website I do not understand.

I can also understand why you may disagree with me promoting the site on here. It is a non-commercial site meant to counter-balance negative attitudes and not to make financial gain in any way (although a bit of Google-advertising may snek in later on just to cover costs ). If you mean that I am trying to promote myself through the site you are not correct. I had wished it to be articles by a multitude of people but regular updates are necessary to keep the site alive which is why I have recently included a blog.

Thank you for all replies and Happy New year!

[stroller]

Will anone in a Thai-Farang relationship benefit if it is spelt out that Thailand is a "violent" culture compared with ours??

No, but describing Thai culture as "affable" (the addition to my English vocabulary for today) does seem a bit 'blue-eyed', from the perspective of us who have lived here a while.

That's the feedback you asked for, isn't it?

[ThaiFarang]

Will anone in a Thai-Farang relationship benefit if it is spelt out that Thailand is a "violent" culture compared with ours??

No, but describing Thai culture as "affable" (the addition to my English vocabulary for today) does seem a bit 'blue-eyed', from the perspective of us who have lived here a while.

That's the feedback you asked for, isn't it?

Yes quite. I must admit I cannot find the exact quote about affability that Obsidian refers to. I started writing this website in July this year so I am sorry that I do not have a total photographic memory of every sentence of every article. I do not think anyone who has read my site can conclude that I think Thai Culture is just "affable" and then that's that. That would be naive But to say that Thais are affable in their behaviour towards Westerners is surely a justified opinion as affable basically means "easy to get along with". Compared to many other cultures and people's of the world I would still maintain that. The statement can be pixked apart by any expat of xourse who believes that Thai culture/society/people are not affable as they discriminate against him in business and call him Farang etc even though he has lived in Thailand for 20 years etc. I understand this view, but nonetheless in my opinion a Thai trait is affability which explains why so many Westerners go there and stay there. Just an opinion - but to say that is my overall conclusion on Thai culture is a bit off the mark.

I appreciate the comments - negative as well as positive.

The sites Geoff and I are trying to establish are perhaps going to be a waste of time. Nobody may care to read them. Why? Because there may not really be a market for positive Thai-Farang relationship stories. It is far more interesting to read stories about happy-go-lucky Farangs who fall into the clutches of a devious Thai woman and her greedy family and is ripped off financially - and may even have his Johnson cut off.

It is, however, quite interesting to try and see if such a site can be built. Thai-Farang marriages are becoming more and more popular, and I think that in time as such relationships become mainstream attitudes will turn. I guess Geoff and I are just trying to aid in that process.

[stroller]

but nonetheless in my opinion a Thai trait is affability which explains why so many Westerners go there and stay there.

Yes, I agree.

Just an opinion - but to say that is my overall conclusion on Thai culture is a bit off the mark.

I certainly haven't concluded this, just a first impression, sorry about that.

The sites Geoff and I are trying to establish are perhaps going to be a waste of time. Nobody may care to read them. Why? Because there may not really be a market for positive Thai-Farang relationship stories.

Don't know about "market", but interest should certainly be there, the horror stories are material for the tabloids, and, in some twisted way, are rather amusing.
I'd say anyone who lived in Thailand for a time will have a story to tell, either from personal experience, or from trying to beat common sense back into a friend who was going down that path.

Lots of positive stories from members here, many found happiness, some after 2 or 3 relationships.

[ThaiFarang]

Thank you for the replies (mostly via e-mail) I have had from members of this forum. They have been very helpful and given me some new ideas on how to improve the site.

Cheers!