Thread: Thai Culture Head of Family

I searched to find the correct place for this but found no answers no doubt someone will move it to the appropriate place

I live in Issan, my wifes grandmother died last week, I am now the oldest family member and told by my wife I am head of the family her brother disputes this

Of course I am also not Thai, can anyone throw any light on this

I have no strong feelings one way or another but would just like to know

I look forward to input

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As long as it makes the BiL happy let it go. If he wants to be top dog then let him. He still has to wai you first cuz you're older than him, if that helps?

tell your BIL there's no doubt he's the head and that you're sure he'll do a great job resolving all the family related issues.

Never heard of any foreigner being head of any family in Asia...

Except maybe Guus Hiddink in Korea circa 2002...Heh...

Farang are only allowed the ceremonial surface privilege, as they're considered barbarians with a false soul - not real.

There really are times when you should just speak for yourself.

al007, lots of differring customs in Issan, my area, Lao people, husband gets brought into the wifes family, her father is head.
That's with girls, sons go to the wifes family and her father is head, so once a son moves on to the wifes family, he's gone.

If your wifes father is dead, then your head of your family and nothing to do with your BIL.

These disputes often involve land, but local laws and BKK law are totally different, Thai law follows western laws, so tell your BIL to F off, he's just trying it on.

All this illusion within a matriarchal tradition.

Originally Posted by raycarey

tell your BIL there's no doubt he's the head and that you're sure he'll do a great job resolving all the family related issues.

And paying for them.

Originally Posted by harrybarracuda

Originally Posted by raycarey

tell your BIL there's no doubt he's the head and that you're sure he'll do a great job resolving all the family related issues.

And paying for them.

Yep. Show the money.
What does your wife say OP?

If I were you, I would graciously and with an all-knowing smile, hand the reigns over to BiL but make sure he knows it's by your good grace and not by his authority. If you don't do it with your own face-saving, he'll undermine you eventually anyway, with all sorts of nasty politics along the way.
Show no interest in the position.

Do it the Thai way, sell the position to the Bil - or the person with the biggest brown envelope.

Originally Posted by Neverna

Do it the Thai way, sell the position to the Bil - or the person with the biggest brown envelope.

The font of all Thai practicalities in bite sized format.
The antithesis of Jeff in fact.

I am merely seeking information

BIL is 35, I am 72, my wife 40

Wifes mother and father still alive, fortunately they live 3 kms away, father ten yrs younger than me, mother about the same

none of them have any material things like money

My wife and I paid for the funeral

When locals contributed father in law drunk on locale was gambling money away

very normal truely dysfubctional issan family, with many incestuous relationships

My wifes two sons live with us and I provide for them also provide for her parents, my choice and happy to do

I speak no thai

I like to stay distant, am happy to give the so called title away, but prior to doing this just wonder what tradition actually says

Jesus fuck who cares. The tradition means nothing cause it doesn't exist in a fucked up disfunctional family complete with incest.

You're 72 so stay the fuck away & live out your days in peace.

Originally Posted by Neverna

Do it the Thai way, sell the position to the Bil - or the person with the biggest brown envelope.

Yes I like a great deal very admiral solution, only problem there would be nothing in any envelop

Maybe the envelops will contain grandmas teeth my wife salvaged one from the ashes and a few half melted coins, very barbaric how they do it

My wife got a phone call the night her grandmother died, no one knew if she were dead

I asked before the bonfire has a doctor checked she really dead not in a coma, answer no !!

I wonder how many in a coma get burnt

I asked wife today what happens to the gold in my mouth quite a lot when I am put on the fire

What does being "head of the family" mean to your wife?

What costs and responsibilities come with it (in her opinion)?

Or is is just nothing but a name or source of prestige to her?

I am 72, my wife 40...truely dysfubctional issan family, with many incestuous relationships...I speak no thai

Sounds fucking great.

Given that it's likely that you have no way of communicating with the rest of the family, I think the decision may have been made already.

She says I pay when no one else can, and I believe it is prestige

She will however I believe follow what I suggest in our house she fully accepts almost anything I say, we are ten yrs married and she is one of the very good ones

sounds like I tell her to tell her brother we are happy to delegate the power to him

end of discussion

Originally Posted by al007

She says I pay when no one else can, and I believe it is prestige

She will however I believe follow what I suggest in our house she fully accepts almost anything I say, we are ten yrs married and she is one of the very good ones

sounds like I tell her to tell her brother we are happy to delegate the power to him

end of discussion

Head of family = pay

Fuck off

Originally Posted by al007

sounds like I tell her to tell her brother we are happy to delegate the power to him

But why when your wife's mother and father are still alive? Surely they are older and more senior than your brother in law!

Originally Posted by al007

BIL is 35, I am 72, my wife 40

Wifes mother and father still alive, fortunately they live 3 kms away, father ten yrs younger than me, mother about the same

She says I pay when no one else can,

Sounds fair enough. Shouldn't happen too often.

Originally Posted by al007

She says I pay when no one else can, and I believe it is prestige

end of discussion

It's not called prestige when no one else can or will. You're now essentially the bank. Enjoy it for what it's worth.

◇ Please do not take my words as a put down. It's simply the reality.

Originally Posted by al007

Wifes mother and father still alive,

Something amiss with what you are being told, if your wifes Father and Mother are still alive, then your wife owes milk money, Thai thing, daughter takes care of the parents for giving her life.

Your BIL has nothing to do with your side of the family, being head of the family is only about land, your daughter marries and new SIL works your land, which makes you the boss, you collect the money/rice and pay out in rice etc.

Those days have gone for most of Issan, so unless your BIL is trying to make a claim on lands owed by your FIL/MIL upon thier death, cutting your wife out, there's no family head to speak of.

Example, guy across the road and I live in a very remote area, he has 6 daughters all married with kids, they all have homes/huts in a family type compound.
All work the farm, rice and cassava, it's all the fathers land and he is the boss, head of the family.

Now all the SILs have [mostly illegal incomes] that's thier money, nothing to do with the family head.

So in short, ask your wife does her Father/Mother have any land. if so it's your BIL trying to make some strange claim on it.