After a couple of days motoring about the fair province of Isaan I think I’ve worked out what the local driving theory test must be.
Feel free to add corrections or additions.

Situational awareness is -
A) useful on Mars
B) a foreign concept
C) for pansies who think too much


Overtaking over double lines is -
A) okay if you’re in a hurry
B) okay if no one gets seriously hurt
C) okay


Overtaking over single lines is -
A) usually okay
B) recommended at night
C) not an issue


Overtaking over broken lines is-
A) a letdown
B) displaying lack of initiative
C) for weaklings


Overtaking on blind corners is -
A) normal
B) thrilling
C) corners can be blinded ?


Overtaking before a crest is -
A) an option
B) the sensible choice
C) an expression of confidence


A dual carriageway is -
A) room enough for three scooters, a pickup and a truck all side by side
B) an opportunity to increase speed to Warp Factor 7
C) always under repair


The right lane of a dual carriageway is for -
A) you and only you
B) reducing the risk of colliding with scooters if you’re texting
C) turning right ten minutes up the road


You are doing 100 km/h on the highway. You may be overtaken -
A) on the left
B) on the right
C) on the left and right simultaneously


A 2 metre pole beside the road has a flashing orange light. This is to -
A) entertain morons
B) suggest slowing down and increasing vigilance
C) distract you from the serious business of tailgating


The 50 km/h school zone limit should be observed -
A) if there’s a chance you might get a glimpse of that hot teacher you fancy
B) if you have kids at that school
C) if there’s a cop bike behind you and you’re a falang


Helmets should be worn on scooters if -
A) you don’t have a spare 100 baht
B) you’re doing more than the speed of light
C) it’s night and the scooter’s lights don’t work


It’s night and your scooter’s lights don’t work. You should -
A) go as fast as you can possibly can
B) get them fixed next year
C) ignore it - everyone else does


A pickup’s load limit is -
A) a tonne
B) whatever you can put on it
C) there’s a load limit ?


A vehicle doing 100 km/h needs how many metres to stop in an emergency ?
A) 10 metres
B) 12 metres
C) I’m too cool for emergencies


Doing 60 km/h on the highway is -
A) a way to save fuel
B) a way to calm traffic
C) an example for others to follow


The coloured lights on each corner of the vehicle can be used -
A) to indicate what has just happened
B) if they work
C) but they’ll wear out so never use them and avoid depreciation


Headlights should be used at night if -
A) the vehicle is doing more than a two hour drive
B) the sun went down with a green flash on the horizon
C) you wish to indicate a submissive personality


Always leave a safe distance between you and the vehicle ahead. This distance is -
A) a centimetre for each 10 km/h
B) the same if it’s raining
C) an indication of a lack of manliness


Phones may be used while driving if -
A) it’s a domestic crisis situation
B) it’s for business
C) you like having a chat


The traffic light has turned green. You should -
A) think about the implications for a while
B) accelerate slowly to 30 km/h
C) finish that farcebook update soon unless mummy said something really awful about you in which case consider your words carefully


That person sitting on the verge staring into space is -
A) mentally proving the Unified Theory
B) waiting for a meteorite of solid platinum to land
C) in no way any concern of yours if you win the court case


If a crash involves a falang it is -
A) always the falang’s fault
B) a source of great happiness for lawyers
C) both A) and B)


Vehicles should be licensed -
A) to carry explosives
B) if you are in the mood
C) in someone else’s name


The safest colour for a vehicle is -
A) grey, so that it matches the road
B) charcoal, so it matches the road at night or in shadow
C) a trick question because all colours are equally safe


Seat belts are -
A) annoying
B) unnecessary most of the time
C) difficult to adjust so avoid using them


Pulling out in front of other vehicles is -
A) to show that you don’t take crap from anyone
B) often the best choice
C) harmless fun


What happens on the road is -
A) the result of karma
B) up to others so there’s no need for you to get involved
C) best ignored