* Wasn't sure whether or not to put this in Thai Traveller's Tales...
It may not be a particuarly appealing thread title but the little (read: gargantuan) differences between Western and Thai conveniences swayed me to document this quite revolting affair.
I understand that the subject has been covered before but I'd like to offer you, the potential pooer, a physically and mentally sound method of realeasing ones bowels over what looks like a shitter built for dozy, grumpy, mumpy, stumpy and cunty..I mean, Thai people are short, but they aren't dwarves for fucks sake..
Firstly, upon opening the door, several things are immediately brought to our attention..
1) The putrid stench
2) The hole in the floor
3) The lack of toilet paper
4) A strange looking recepticle with water and a plastic bowl floating in it..
Closer inspection determines that, fuck, these people want me to stand up whilst taking a shit..those foot rests weren't put there by accident.
So, the tradational Asian way of taking a dump is to stand, squat and release..
SSR, they call it and even practice the drill in Physical Education at school.
Bugger that, unless they want the back wall decorated in an interesting new colour called Pad Krapow Moo Gob, I think I should pass up the SSR method, wash the bowl down of dirty footprints using the water bowl provided and plonk my ample backside on the fucker..
* 2.78989 seconds pass*
Right, bogroll, bogroll, bogroll....where ARE YOU, bogroll?
Nope, definitely none here..
So, how do they do it? How can there possibly be a hygenic way of conducting the mop up?
Answer: There isn't..
Half heartedly and very uncomfortably, water is splashed inefficiently around ones hind quarters..cursing spitefully whilst doing so.
That over and done with we step outside and look for a sink and some soap..a thorugh handwash is now obligatory..
Oh, look, they've got a sink...no soap though..
Wait a minute, look, they've got a soap dispenser....with no fucking soap in it..
Now, to conclude, my advice would be to take this as light heartedly as you can..if you analyse too deeply you're likely to starve to death..
Happy eating folks...and shatting of course.