Well since we're here and we've already established that swearing is fucking important we may as well go ahead and learn how to tell people in no uncertain terms to bugger off in Siamese - I'm obviously not suggesting that, once the information has been stored, you practice in the local shop or pub. No, try it on the Mrs first and if you don't have one find an old person and scream and shout the profanties in their face..make sure they are accompanied by a walking frame, stick or wheel chair, this way you are sure of an unhindered getaway.

First and easiest of the insults come in the form of I and E.

'I' pronunced 'EYE' obviously, is often used as a very informal way of addressing friends and sometimes family:

I Somjit = Bloody Somjit, but in an extremely light hearted way. No malice is intended whatsoever.

E Somjit = Fucking Somjit, sometimes this can be used both derogatively and again in jest, but is ten times stronger than I. Use it with caution, if at all.

Now to our first insults:

I Kwai = Bloody buffalo. Buffalo refers to someone who acts, in essence, like a buffalo - basically all brawn and zero brain and is considered to be the most offensive of animals to be likened to. So, although this can be commonly heard amongst friends it would be a bad move to try this out on a member of the general public - unless you fancy a scuffle, in which case you'd better go in mob handed because Somjit invariably is.

E Kwai = Fucking buffalo. Generally thought of as 'fighting talk'. There's little to no point in saying this unless you are armed, but it'll let your old women know that you are au faire with the way of the insult.