Thread: Quick Jokes

Never laugh at your girlfriends choices... your one of them.

Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. They forgot to mention Morons.

Originally Posted by david44

Thurman Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In piss.

Originally Posted by david44

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

Originally Posted by david44

It was only when I bought a motorbike that I found out that adrenaline is brown.

Originally Posted by david44

Dedicated to GrillmeisterTopper

Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But, smoking bacon will cure it.

Originally Posted by david44

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast

Originally Posted by david44

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down

Originally Posted by david44

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.


I was addicted to the Hokey Cokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Originally Posted by david44

People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.


My wife is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk".


Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.


Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.


I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.

I think that’s 21 posts in a row. The forum software won’t even let me quote them all.

thats gotta be some kind of forum record.

Originally Posted by DrWilly

some kind of forum record.

It's the Landreth rounders app orf hals 2 petabyte $3 revalved usb for vip spammers i jus wanna exceed hal ant smeg top postkhvnt by 2066 , got any jokes from up the Limp poo poo monkeychild?

“An old man and his wife are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the old lady bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super pussy!" And the old man says, "I'll have the soup.”

“I got drunk and then got my picture taken. So that way, when I get pulled over for drunk driving I look the same as on my license.”

“Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, its probably crap.”

“How does it feel to be the least cultured person at a bus station?”

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.


What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.


My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I have very little side effects from my medications. They can fit right into my pocket.

Originally Posted by david44

“Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, its probably crap.”

Whooooooosh ?

Some good ones up above

• Knock, knock! Who's there? Will. Will who? Will you stop with these corny jokes already?

• Knock, knock! Who's there? Duncan. Duncan who? Duncan Oreos in milk from my Smeg fridge is my favorite snack.

• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Wren. Wren who? Wren will these jokes ever end?
• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Waddle. Waddle who? Waddle it take to stop knocking?
• Knock, knock! Who’s there? Herd. Herd who? Herd you the first time you knocked.

FFS David when are you going to finish opening all the Xmas crackers?

Knock Knock ! Who's there ? Lars. Lars who ? Lars Warning !

Originally Posted by Iceman123

FFS David when are you going to finish opening all the Xmas crackers?

They are not even worthy of dad jokes status

snag of small balcony when trying to prevent catwoman whipping your banger, you don't know wether to block her passage of to toss yourelf off

GOT ANY RIBTICKLER GINGER WHINGER?

Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother-in-law.

knock KNOCK Who’s there? Norma. Norma who? Norma-lly, I don’t complain, but you left the toilet seat up again.

three situations in our lives that tend to require witnesses, big accidents, then crimes, and last but not least, marriages.

Women get married to men because they believe they can change them, but men get married to women because they think they will never change. The coincidence lies in the fact that they are both wrong.

Originally Posted by Iceman123

FFS David when are you going to finish opening all the Xmas crackers?

Where does a cracker meet his future wife? Family reunion.

I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug

Wife and I had been happy for 23 years, it was after that when we first met each other.