Mine hates it when she asks me if I have a mia noi. I reply with ''Yes.....you are my mia moi.''
:)
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Mine hates it when she asks me if I have a mia noi. I reply with ''Yes.....you are my mia moi.''
:)
How do you titillate an ocelot?Oscillate its tit a lot.
The other day, in the park, I was wondering why frisbees look bigger and bigger as they get closer to you.And then it hit me.
What qualifications do you need to be a road sweeper?None. You just pick it up as you go along!
Haha, just as good :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Cujo
Mine hates it when I introduce her as my first wife.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maanaam
Sounds like one of your own....clever. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by david44
Old public school language studies ditty. Stephen Fry et al..
cannot claim the credit a friend sent it to me, but it's oddly funny and quite a mouthfulQuote:
Originally Posted by Maanaam
Ah, yes, very Fry-et-al-esque.Quote:
Originally Posted by VocalNeal
What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?A pinball machine.
Got an e-mail from a bored housewife looking for some action.Eager to please, I sent her my ironing.
Genie: You have two wishes.
JOHN: I want to be rich.
Genie: Granted. Now what is you 2nd wish?
RICH: I want lots of money.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Wife comes home from doing the shopping one day and sees her husband sitting on the sofa with a hairdryer blowing on his cock.The wife asks, "What the hell are you doing?"The husband replies, "Just heating up your dinner!
There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don
Belgium : A country invented by the British to annoy the French.- Charles de Gaulle
A very sad day today. After several years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after just one minor indiscretion - he slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of all that training and money. A genuinely nice guy and an excellent mortician.
The Three Wise Men arrived to visit the Child lying in the manger.
One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and smacked his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.
"Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed.
"Write that down, Mary," said Joseph. "It's better than Derek."
Why do they call camels the ship of the desert?
Its full of Arab seamen
I remember back when I met my girlfriend and took her home to meet the family for the first time.
Wife hit the fuckin' roof.
Why wasn"t Christ born in America?They couldn"t find three wise men and a virgin.
Friendship between Women: A woman didn"t come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend"s house. The man called his wife"s 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship between Men:
A man didn"t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy"s house. The woman called her husband"s 10 best Friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
You got to wonder what went through Josephs mind when the night his son was born 3 swarthy dudes he didn't know turned up with gifts.Quote:
Originally Posted by david44
You've got to wonder what went through his mind when his missus told him a ghost got her pregnant.Quote:
Originally Posted by CujoYou got to wonder what went through Josephs mind when the night his son was born 3 swarthy dudes he didn't know turned up with gifts.Quote:
Originally Posted by david44
Probably thought she said "goat".Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybarracudaYou've got to wonder what went through his mind when his missus told him a ghost got her pregnant.Quote:
Originally Posted by CujoYou got to wonder what went through Josephs mind when the night his son was born 3 swarthy dudes he didn't know turned up with gifts.Quote:
Originally Posted by david44
After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been fired after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous .
He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves.What a waste of time, training and money.
A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant mortician
Some really funny ones today David. It made my day.Quote:
Originally Posted by david44
Then three dudes turn up to the birth bearing gifts.Quote:
Originally Posted by harrybarracudaYou've got to wonder what went through his mind when his missus told him a ghost got her pregnant.Quote:
Originally Posted by CujoYou got to wonder what went through Josephs mind when the night his son was born 3 swarthy dudes he didn't know turned up with gifts.Quote:
Originally Posted by david44
Don't know if this is a wind up, but I just received a text saying I'd won £250 cash or two tickets to an Elvis tribute night. It says Press 1 for the money or 2 for the show..
Tampax have announced they will be taking the string off their tampons and replacing it with tinsel.
This is for the Christmas period only.
Election and Erection are spelled almost exactly the same. They both mean the same thing too. A dick rising to power.