Thread: More England World Cup Jokes

S African police are asking for witnesses after an elderly black man had several shots fired at him from close range and was left badly shaken while 10 bystanders simply looked on.

Several German nationals are believed to have been responsible and the victim, a Mr David James from Portsmouth, was treated for serious shock.

On a serious note.

Those cnuts should be made to read this thread, and the countless other similar ones that no doubt that exist across the net.

Originally Posted by Moonraker

Those cnuts should be made to read this thread

Or at least get somebody to read it to them.

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

Originally Posted by Moonraker

Those cnuts should be made to read this thread

Or at least get somebody to read it to them.

Ha.

Just spat tea on my monitor

Originally Posted by withnallstoke

Or at least get somebody to read it to them.

A severe weather warning was issued in London this morning as a storm from S. Africa unleashed a shower of shit onto the tarmac at Heathrow Airport.




To the tune of 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight'


In the jungle, the south african jungle, 3 lions sleep tonight, cos in the morning, the early morning, they have to catch a flight, No win away, no win away, no win away

Originally Posted by Mr Lick

To the tune of 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' In the jungle, the south african jungle, 3 lions sleep tonight, cos in the morning, the early morning, they have to catch a flight, No win away, no win away, no win away

Message for Agent Capello: Mission Accomplished.. please return to Wales

NEWS FLASH !!!!!!!!! Tidal wave heading for ENGLAND, as 3million WELSH
piss themselves laughing.

Originally Posted by English Noodles

Message for Agent Capello: Mission Accomplished.. please return to Scotland.

Originally Posted by Red dragon

Message for Agent Capello: Mission Accomplished.. please return to Wales

Did you think up that twist all on your own, RD?

PS. Though you were CM as he has the same AV.

Originally Posted by English Noodles

NEWS FLASH !!!!!!!!! Tidal wave heading for ENGLAND, as 3million SCOTS piss themselves laughing.

Originally Posted by Red dragon

NEWS FLASH !!!!!!!!! Tidal wave heading for ENGLAND, as 3million WELSH piss themselves laughing.

And that one.

no it was sent to me so I just copy and pasted in here without reading the first page

Compare this

Emile Heskey - England 59 caps & 7 goals
Rene Higuita - Columbia 74 caps & 8 goals
Jose Luis Chilavert - Paraguay 68 caps & 8 goals.
...
Pretty similar untill you take into consideration the other 2 are FUCKING GOALKEEPERS!!

John Terry is so traumatized he won’t be able to sleep with a teammate’s wife for WEEKS

OK - here's one.
After being dropped, Rob Green decided to throw himself under a double-decker bus.
He waited at the side of the road, jumped out in front of a bus, and the bus went straight under him

What's the difference between Wayne Rooney & Shrek?

Shrek can save the day!



I'm shocked at Rooney's outburst after the Algeria game. Who knew he could even string a sentence together.



Apparently that fan had no trouble slipping into the dressing room - Robert Green was guarding the door.



Breaking News: Robert Green has just been refused a Savings Account at his local bank.



Apparently, the new England tactic is to have Rooney and Gerrard up front, Robert Green in goal and the rest of the team just behind him

Did you hear they are going to give the England managers job to David Blunkett?

They are confident he can hold onto a lead

Apparently the
highlights of the England match is going to be shown on GayTV. Its the
only station that allows you to watch 11 arseholes getting hammered.

Missing persons report. Have you seen Wayne Rooney, description: lazy fat c*nt. Went missing in southern Africa 2 weeks ago.

Police have found a drowned man in the river. He was wearing an England Shirt, suspenders and stockings. His d–k was stuck up a blow up doll and he had a Vibrator stuck up his arse. The Police have removed his England shirt to save any embarresment to his family.

I just bought a robert green condom. Extra slippery and you’re guarenteed not to catch anything.

Knorr have released a special edition red and white stock cube to celebrate England’S world cup campaign Its called THE LAUGHING STOCK

When Capello told the team they were going to try some new tactics Wayne Rooney asked if he could still have the mint flavored ones

Police reported that hundreds of England fans tried to climb over the stadium walls at half time……………. but they were caught and made to stay and watch the second half

Just heard that the England squad have turned down a £17mil sponsorship deal with a national pet food company.
Apparently they thought having ‘Winalot’ on their shirts was a bit too much.

This is true.........England are scheduled to play Thailand soon, I bet they (England) desperately fight it out for a draw to improve their world ranking.

Rob Green has trained today and in 3 hours he had 4,000 shots fired at him and did not concede a single goal. Tomorrow, him and Heskey will train with the rest of the squad.

Some crackers there FR, green owed!

Originally Posted by Red dragon

Emile Heskey - England 59 caps & 7 goals Rene Higuita - Columbia 74 caps & 8 goals Jose Luis Chilavert - Paraguay 68 caps & 8 goals. ... Pretty similar untill you take into consideration the other 2 are FUCKING GOALKEEPERS!!

Originally Posted by CharleyFarley

This is true.........England are scheduled to play Thailand soon, I bet they (England) desperately fight it out for a draw to improve their world ranking.

Yeh, they play Thailand in Bangkok next June.

As Rob Green got off the plane I couldn't control myself, I ran straight at him and punched the bastard right in the face.


It's ok he dropped the charges