Thread: Another Blonde Joke

A presenter asked a blonde :

"How long last the Hundred Years War :

99 years or
100 years or
116 years

116 years she answered."

The public burst of laugher.
....






Stupid public

Two blondes were walking through the woods when they came upon some tracks. They stopped and the first blonde says, ”Oh, look! Deer tracks!” The second blonde says, “No, silly. Those are bear tracks!” While they stood there arguing, a train came along and ran them over.

This one is a little dated back before DVD's when movies were on tape.


A blonde decides to do something really wild. Something she
hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult
video. She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.
To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static", she says.
"Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which
title did you rent?" the clerk asks.


"Head Cleaner."

A severely constipated blonde when to her doctor.
"I haven't had a bowel movement in over a week," she said sadly.
"Are you doing anything for it?" inquired the doctor.
"I've been sitting on the toilet a half an hour each morning, and again at night," she explained.
"No. I mean are you taking anything?"
"Oh, I see. Yes, I take a book."

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing
a show in a small town in Virginia. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a
human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this!
I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!"

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "We don't have any."
"But, I always buy it here", says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"Yes", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM"

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf
balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply
about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer,
she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"

How times change, used to be Paddy Jokes.

Glad blondes fashionable.

A friend told the blonde: "Christmas is on a Friday this year" The blonde then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

A blond is in the bathroom and her husband shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" She says, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me". The blonde says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up

A blonde woman and her neighbor were talking...The neighbor said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."-

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", he shouts, "This is her husband!"

A blonde was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The Cop says "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic. Her husband says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks. "Here boy!" she replies.

A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "What the hell you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blond replies. "It should be around your neck" says the Guard. "I know," he replies, "but I couldn't breathe".

Blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning:
"Windows frozen."
Husband texts blonde back:
"Pour some luke-warm water over it."
Blonde texts back:
"Computer completely fucked now."

A very pale, blonde haired farming youth from mid-America who had never traveled out of his county was walking along the beach in France on his first foreign Holiday.
There were many beautiful women lying in the sun. Many were topless, and he really wanted to meet one. But try as he might, the women didn't seem to be at all interested.
Finally, as a last resort, he walked up to a French guy lying on the beach who was surrounded by adoring women.
"Excuse me" he said, taking the guy aside "but I've been trying to meet one of these women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?"
"Maybe I can help a leetle beet" says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way".
"Wow! Thanks!" said the young fellow and off he went to the store.
He bought a skimpy red bathing suit, put it on, and went back to the beach. He paraded up and down the beach but still had no luck with the ladies. So he went back to the Frenchman. "I'm sorry to bother you again" he said "but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven't been able to meet a girl".
"Okay" says the Frenchman "I tell you what you do. You go to zee store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way".
"Thanks!" he said, and he ran off to the store.
He bought the potato, put it in the swimsuit, and marched up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he walked but the women would hardly even look at him. After half an hour he couldn’t take it anymore and went back to the Frenchman.
"Look buddy" he said "I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and down the beach and still nothing!
What more can I do?"
"Well" said the Frenchman "maybe I can help you a leetle beet.
Why don't you try moving zee potato to the FRONT of zee sweeming suit?"

The blonde was in the front yard using her weed eater to trim around the bushes when by accident she wacked off her cats tail, who was hiding in the bushes. Feeling very bad and not sure just what to do , she scooped up the cat and tail and yelled to her husband and told him what she had done and was rushing to Wal-Mart. The husband came running out of the house and asked her why she was going to Wal-Mart.


Hellooooooooooooo she said, don't you know that they are the biggest RETAILER in the world???

After 100 years lying on the ocean floor, some blonde divers were amazed to find the Titanic's swimming pool was still full.

They also found Moby's dick

Dumb blonde on a driving lesson (SUBTITLED) - YouTube

This clip has been taken from a Polish TV show called "Nauka Jazdy" (eng: Driving School) that used to follow some hopeless students on their driving lessons. Both the student (her name is Asia by the way^^) and the instructor are well aware of the cameras. THIS VIDEO IS NOT FAKE.

- The instructor isn't wearing a seatbelt because he's not required to. This way he can easily reach to the steering wheel and help the student if need be.
- This is NOT a driving test - it's a lesson.
- This video is pretty old and was filmed in Poland. The instructor speaks with a heavy silesian accent.
- I know you'd bang her so you don't need to post a comment saying that you would.
- I don't know if she eventually passed her exam.
- In Poland we learn to drive and take our driving tests on manual gearboxes, so you don't need to post comments saying that she should get an automatic.

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters, had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise.
They set off from Clearwater Beach with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.

After a while Bubbles says, 'Do you think we're out far enough, Barbie?' Barbie slipped over the side and finding the water only knee deep said, 'nope, not yet Bubbles'.
So they row a little farther.... Again Bubbles asks Barbie, 'Do you think were out far enough now? Once again, Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest.

So on they row and row and row, and finally Barbie slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Bubbles is really getting worried when suddenly Barbie breaks the surface, gasping for breath, she says, OK, it's finally deep enough. Hand me the shovel.'

I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.

"Do you have any kids?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's under two."

She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to
go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen
to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his blonde
wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Jake asks her, "What are you doing?"
Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"
Jake, knowing what his wife was like had many reservations about this, but reluctantly decides to take her along.
Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of
San Marcos, Texas. Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."
Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice
wouldn't be able to figure out how to fire a rifle, much less
shoot a deer.
Not 10 minutes passes when he is startled as he hears an array of
gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer
to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get the hell away from
my deer!"
Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming
wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get the hell away from my deer!"
followed by another volley of gunfire!
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised
to see a Texas game warden with his hands high in the air.
The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, "Okay, lady! You
can have your damn deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"

Did you hear about the blond bank robber ? She tied up the safe and blew the guards !

I was telling a blonde girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.
"Come on, what day was I born"?
I said, “Yesterday."

Three women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead, got on the elevator at work. The brunette looks down at the floor of the elevator and immediately sees a glob of white goo.

"Is that what I think it is?" she cries.

The redhead gets down on all fours and takes a whiff, "Yep! It sure it!"

The blonde squats down, pushes her finger into it and takes a taste. "Relax," she says, "It's no one in our office."