Thread: Another Blonde Joke

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note:

"I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 am. Signed, The Blonde." She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.


The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was the following note:

"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes routine. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting;
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.

What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. It's because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general... and all in the name of humour!!!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells, 'you stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee!'

A spoilt Blonde was on a plane on its way to London.

She only had a ticket for economy class but being the spoilt little princess she was, she insisted she should be allowed to sit in first class. A stewardess tried to convince her to take her proper seat in economy, but the blonde was having none of it.

With first class being full, the stewardess had no other choice than tell the captain of the plane about the problem. "Don't worry", said the captain. "My wife is blonde so I know how to speak blonde, I'll deal with it"

The captain goes to the blonde, bends down and quietly says something to her at which point the blonde gets up and takes her proper seat in economy class. Impressed, the stewardess asked the captain how he did to which the captain replied.

"I told her first class doesn't go all the way to London"

Q: What did the blonde do when she couldn't afford a personalized license plate?


A: She changed her name to JKM345.

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The blonde says, "God help us, has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.
God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.


So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.


The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.


But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.


God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"


The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

I urgently needed a few days off work, but,
I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then
He would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb
So that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office
And asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.'
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me,
The Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'



She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were on a road with a tollbooth. At the tollbooth, instead of having to pay to get on the road, they had to state a fact. If they told a lie, the ground would open up and swallow them.

The brunette went first, when she got to the tollbooth, she said, "I think red and blue mixed makes purple." she walked onto the road without the ground opening up and swallowing her.

The redhead went next. When she got to the tollbooth, she said, "I think 2+2 is 4." she walked onto the road without the ground opening up and swallowing her.

The blonde went last. When she got to the tollbooth, she said, "I think" and the ground opened up and swallowed her

Year end statistics on airport pat-down screening from the Atlanta
Airport TSA office


Terrorist Plots Discovered 0
Transvestites 133
Hernias 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
Incontinence 6,418
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 59,350
Natural Blondes 3

A lawyer boarded an airplane with a box of frozen crabs and asked a
blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.


She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them
staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a
lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she
let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.


Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce
to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in
New Orleans please raise your hand?"


Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them.


Two lessons here:


1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think

blondie orders a large pizza
pizza man says
would you like that divided into 6 or 12 slices
oh, 6 please
i'm on a diet you know.

A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after
an operation. She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked, "How long will it be before I am able
to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied, "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no
one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling? A: A blond electrician.

A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,
"T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied,
"S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled and repeated,
"T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered,
"S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"


The man answered,

"'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh.

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more,"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward! and said, "IS THAT YOU, LORD?"

The voice replied,"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK!"

She can't really be this dumb, can she? This has got to be a put on. And it has gone viral. Over 4 million hits



If it's for real, the question is how many days until this guy gets laid!

A blonde's dog went missing and she became inconsolable. Her friend suggested, "Why don't you put an advertisement in the paper?"

She did, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

"What did you write in the ad?" the friend asked.

The blonde replied, "Here boy."

Two blondes are talking, and one says, "I just can't understand why Christians get so excited about Easter. What's religious about a magic bunny delivering eggs?"

Her friend says, "No, Easter is the holiday to celebrate when Jesus died on the cross, and then on Easter he rose from the dead and came out of his tomb . . . and if he sees his shadow, we get six more weeks of winter."

A blonde buys the new automatic BMW X8 sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night the car just won’t move at all. She tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck.
She then furiously calls the BMW dealer and they send out a technician to her. The technician asks “Miss, are you sure you are using the right gears?”
Full of anger she replies “You foolish, idiot man, how could you ask such a question? I'm not stupid! I use 'D' during the Day and 'N' at Night...”

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blond.
The puzzled blond kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blond continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking
deeply about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any
longer, she asked . . .

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
>

A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe' and placed his order. He said I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.'

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.... What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?'

'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires .... Mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights.. Is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards... Are 2 slices of crisp bacon!

'Oh... OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?'

'She replied, 'I thought while you w ere waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

A drover walks into a bar with
a pet crocodile by his side.
He puts the crocodile up on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this
crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.
Then the croc will close his mouth for one
minute. Then he'll open his mouth
and I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this
spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar,
dropped his trousers,
and placed his credentials and related
parts in the crocodile's open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer
bottle and smacked the crocodile really,
really hard on the top of its head.
The croc opened his mouth
and the man removed his genitals
unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered,
and the first of his free
drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made
another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100
who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a
while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A blonde woman timidly spoke up,
"I'll try it. Just don't hit me so hard
with the beer bottle!"