Religous Ministry services offer

[peterpan]

It’s now official I am now an ordained Minister of Religion.

Courtesy of the wack off yourself church.Universal Life Church Free Online Ordination - Become A Minister Online
I am ordained to perform many official functions and rituals, including but not just limited to those listed below.

Weddings to women and inanimate objects
i.e. if you want to marry your motorbike, I can do that, but no Honda Waves or Phantoms please.

No gay weddings, I don’t do that shit.




NO Gay weddings done.


Spiritual guidance, I can do that too,
In God we trust and all that stuff. I will set you on the winding road to everlasting happiness. I have personally set free from the devil many young women who came to me in need of comfort and guidance, now happily domesticated and married to Günter’s all over Germany. Their souls saved by Peter pan’s ministry for fallen women.
So its full service from me from photo shopping the portrait on www.thailove.com, responding with romantic prose to Günter’s emails, arranging his tickets out here and now committing the lovely couple to a lifetime together with a beautiful ceremony at Rosies BJ bar.



Gunther and Leks wedding.
You can see how besotted the newly weds are with each other.

Relationship counseling.
Having problems with the ‘ol lady, I can sort it, once she gets a look at my pecker she will come running back so fast you won’t believe it.

Funerals for dead people, pets, motorcycles that have coughed it. My specialty!
I can do that stuff with sincerity and reverence. Why pay through the snout for a funeral shop, I can arrange coffins made from real plywood. I do the service with a proper bible; only thing left for you to do, is dig the hole.

Contact me for all your religious needs.
Reasonable charges, clean service.
Commissions paid on referrals.


My next announcement is my elevation to sainthood.

[keda]

My question is can you make someone intelligent but not so intelligent that she grows a second head for storage?

did you organise the aircon service guy?
yes
when for?
saturday
but you won't be here saturday
oops, shall i call him to change it?
yes
<she calls, changes appointment> ok i done
when he come?
monday
what time?
10
what time you go school?
9.30
what time you come back?
one
<i stare, she stares, she picks up phone, calls him to change appointment> ok, i do now
<sigh> what time he come?
now he come wensday
<gosh!>what time?
eleben
<pause> what time you go school wensday
9.30
what time you come back?
one <pause> i think good if i call him, yes...?

[ChiangMai noon]

^
brilliant.

[Marmite the Dog]

My question is can you make someone intelligent but not so intelligent that she grows a second head for storage?

did you organise the aircon service guy?
yes
when for?
saturday
but you won't be here saturday
oops, shall i call him to change it?
yes
<she calls, changes appointment> ok i done
when he come?
monday
what time?
10
what time you go school?
9.30
what time you come back?
one
<i stare, she stares, she picks up phone, calls him to change appointment> ok, i do now
<sigh> what time he come?
now he come wensday
<gosh!>what time?
eleben
<pause> what time you go school wensday
9.30
what time you come back?
one <pause> i think good if i call him, yes...?

This is the woman you let arrange your holiday? I don't know who's more stupid; you or her.

[Begbie]

Nice bit of thread hijacking by Keda.

[peterpan]

So what service might you be interested Keda, up coming funeral maybe?